Is no oral sex a deal breaker?

[catbows]

Just having a conversation with a friend about a guy she is with that point blank refuses to go down on women.
He doesn't 'expect' blowjobs but does enjoy them.
He says he doesn't give oral because he wouldn't like the texture and because she has asked so many times why he doesn't and that it offends her he now says there is 'pressure' on the situation which means he probably will never do it.
I think this would be a deal breaker for me? Is this normal?
I don't think I've ever known someone to completely refuse....

anon

Neither dicks or vaginas are pretty. Both are pretty awesome imo, but pretty? Not really.

histiny why are you trying to twist my words?
If I didn't want to do anal, my partner wouldn't dump me, because he's not like you lot.

Must admit I am totes amused at being accused of boasting though from "ain't porn brilliant, I do anal".

Far more of an explicit boast than "I have had sexual partners I didn't love"

Please describe what sort of thing from the kitchen you're using, because I have some very funny thoughts going through my head at the moment :D

Cling film? Sandwich bags?

Carrot

Well, haven't done so in quite some time... But broke college studens or when the dental dams were sold out (one might think the 2 stores selling them could have gotten the hint and stocked more of them...)

I'll google it, ok :) I just don't know what the English word is for this

Jaques you talked about your sex life prior to marriage quite a bit to be fair.
I haven't boasted about porn or anal, I just bought the topic up, but it's funny how you're all so anti porn and anal quite contradicting really.

Or maybe it wasn't you jaques could have been expat.

anon1987 is giving me such a laugh!
I have no bristles near my clit either, even way back before I waxed it all off
I'd love to know what porn you're watching to see such a thing though

Here's a thought. Would anyone find it a deal breaker if their dh/dp DIDN'T want to receive???
I really love to give (my dh) and sometimes that's as far as it gets. I don't think I'd want to be with someone who didn't want it, ever.

I'm not saying it would be a deal breaker after 16 years and two dc, if he suddenly changed his mind!
But for me, it's such an intimate, giving act. I can't imagine being in a LTR and not giving my partner this pleasure.

Jaques you talked about your sex life prior to marriage quite a bit to be fair

Didn't mention marriage at all. But someone had sex before marriage?! Alert the village elders.

I haven't boasted about porn or anal, I just bought the topic up, but it's funny how you're all so anti porn and anal quite contradicting really

I am not anti anal. I find it odd you would be so repulsed by seeing oral and yet actively mention anal. A lot. I have already said why I object to porn. Because of the abuse and subjugation of women in the industry. Someone who was willing to perpetuate that by watching porn would be a deal breaker for me

Carrot

Yes, clingfilm! Honestly, I have no idea how effective it is. But as I said, it was really difficult to get dental dams.
We later found out one could cut up condoms and did that. But "taste-wise" the clingfilm is actually better. But we didn't know if it was actually safe, so...

And if there were something that my dh wanted to do which I didn't, I'd like to think I'd at least consider it, and give it a go.
(I can think of a few things that previously, I'd have thought absolutely no way. Yet now I really like them. I hasten to add, he never asked. Just a sort of progression)

Aha, so talking about your sex life (and outside of marriage, too! Perish the thought! You need a marriage certificate to go with your anal porn and Holywood wax, who'd have thunk it? ) is 'boasting'? Um, okay, this is hilarious!!

Jaques ffs I'm not repulsed by oral! How many times to do I have to say it??

Just because I wouldn't dump someone if they weren't into it, or wanted to wait or whatever, doesn't mean I'm anti oral. I just respect that some people are into things and other are not.
A deal breaker for me would be numerous things, not just one.

Would anyone find it a deal breaker if their dh/dp DIDN'T want to receive???

Of course not. If DH didn't want to receive I would respect his decision. It obviously wouldn't be pleasure for him if he didn't want it and it wouldn't be right to force it on him just because I wanted to give him "pleasure".

Expat what is so 'outthere' about being bare down below? Or having anal sex?

I'm not married, and like another poster said sometimes your sex life develops over time as you become more comfortable in the relationship. Is it so hard to wrap your head around that some people prefer to take it at a slower pace and not rush into oral.
Not all of us want to hand out blow jobs to men or lick women out that we barely know, some people prefer to have love for a person first.

I don't know what's out there about it, anon, I never said it was. And really, it was all pretty funny at first, but now it's rather boring and tedious and my dinner is ready so I'll leave you to it.

Is 'licking someone out' still a thing that people say?

If he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. If it's a big issue for her then she needs to find someone who is willing to do it.

Is it so hard to wrap your head around that some people prefer to take it at a slower pace and not rush into oral.

Not at all, actually. But several people said that a person who thinks not having oral sex is a dealbreaker should stop dating when their partnersays that s/he doens't feel comfortable now but would in about a year or something...

WhatToDo Iv been in that position myself when I was younger, he wanted to and I didn't and he was quite persistent, it was uncomfortable and felt quite demeaning.
To be honest if someone puts sex before the friendship side of things then they're not worth it anyway. People talk about relationships like sex is the foundation of it, it shouldn't be, it should be the friendship you share, because when you're old that's probably all you'll have left, and it's the reason why so many people split up because sex was the main thing when they were younger. And when it fizzles out they've lost the biggest part of their relationship.

whattodo
I wouldn't either. Obviously, both people have got to want to do whatever it is.
I'm just wondering though how I would have reacted at the start of the relationship, if my dh had said then that he didn't like it and would never want it.
I honestly don't know. Though I think I would probably have just said ok then.
It would have been a deal breaker for me though, if he'd said at the start that it was off the table for me completely, receiving, I mean.

Cricket I just think it's unreasonable to spend a year with someone getting to know them as a person and then breaking it off because he wouldn't go down on you.
Mind you they're probably doing him a favour really, I wouldn't want to be with someone who judged our entire time together based on what boxes I ticked sexually, it's quite immature to do that.

We've been married years and neither of us give or receiving oral. I think it is demeaning to be honest, having to have someone ram their penis down your throat... hardly romantic. My dh agrees. But each to their own.

Is 'licking someone out' still a thing that people say?

I've never heard it before today. It's very crass.

gammaraystar If you think oral sex is someone 'ramming their penis down your throat' then I'm afraid you've either been poorly treated or misled. It's great that you and your husband agree on what your sex life should be like, but don't assume that just because you don't know how to do it, oral sex can't be as romantic and loving as vanilla PIV. As for your judgemental comment about it being 'demeaning', I can assure you that for many people, it's actually extremely empowering.