Is no oral sex a deal breaker?

[catbows]

Just having a conversation with a friend about a guy she is with that point blank refuses to go down on women.
He doesn't 'expect' blowjobs but does enjoy them.
He says he doesn't give oral because he wouldn't like the texture and because she has asked so many times why he doesn't and that it offends her he now says there is 'pressure' on the situation which means he probably will never do it.
I think this would be a deal breaker for me? Is this normal?
I don't think I've ever known someone to completely refuse....

^
This

Sorry, replying to Psychedelic, not Tracy!

I didn't used to love it, but the guy I'm seeing is amazing at it. I thought I didn't like it. Turns out the others just weren't doing it right. So I think I'd want it in future relationships if this one doesn't work out.

It would be a dealbreaker for me I'm afraid - I adore a man going down on me! That said, you can't make someone want to do something they don't want to do so it's perfectly reasonable for a man to not want to do it, it just means you aren't sexually compatible that's all.

No, not a deal breaker but his pathetic attitude - almost certainly would be.

It would be for me. Horses for courses.

The real issue here is the fear of ..intimacy dont you think.
Trust and pleasure

Deal breaker for me!

No, not a deal breaker but his pathetic attitude - almost certainly would be

I am uncomfortable with the idea that a sexual preference is a "pathetic attitude"

Jacques

I assumed with "pathetic attitude" that person meant not being honest about why he doesn't want to do it/be generally upfront about it.
Seems like his girlfriend had to do quite a lot of asking until she got any kind of answer.

Hmm, I like bJs, but I'm never going to reciprocate, because, well, because, oh, maybe I will, yeah, next year, when we've been together for a year, yeah, no, maybe, no, it's the texture, see, vaginas are ewww, no, its not that, it's now your fault, I feel like I have to..."

Dunno if it's a "pathetic attitude", but it's not one I'd be madly keen on.

Cricket - possibly. But then of course we go down the road of why isn't him saying "I don't want to" enough, why does the girlfriend need to keep asking for a reason. But that's all conjecture.

histiny - maybe he hasn't dealt with it the right way, but if he DID feel pressured that is an acceptable way to feel. If he felt he was being unfairly pressured into doing something he didn't like I can totally see how he fell into the trap of "maybe in the future".

In any event it seems they're sexually incompatible. And I don't think either party is wrong - it just is what it is.

Well, I imagine because he said it was just a matter of feeling comfortable (in the relationship?) and not generally a matter of not wanting to do it at all.

Everybody has the right to refuse to perform any sexual act for any reason. He shouldn't have to explain himself and his partner should not be putting pressure on him by telling him that she is offended - that is her issue entirely. It doesn't matter whether he has or hasn't done it before or if he is "just guessing" that he wouldn't like it. He's not obligated to try it before he can refuse.

^ This. Imagine guys saying this about a woman who won't go down on them, or have anal sex, or whatever else...

I think your friend should think about how she'd feel if he was trying to pressure her into doing something sexually that she really didn't want to do. His argument that he'd enjoyed it lots in the past probably wouldn't wash.

She either needs to make her peace with it or let him go and find someone happy to fulfil her needs.

If this was the other way round & she hated to be licked out but he loved it, would it be fair for him to think this is a deal breaker? Imagine a guys posting, my girl hates to be licked out so im leaving her!! People would have a field day!! Each to their own, some dont like their toes licked but is this a day breaker? What about men who are obsessed with the thought of anal but girl not up for it, is this a deal breaker? What happened to he loves me & i love him? I doubt she is comfortable with every sexual activity out there so why should he be.

Take sex out of the equation. If someone chewed funny & it got on your nerves, someone smelt of soup or if someone was an aggressive driver, as leftfield examples. These could all be deal clinchers.
Everybody is entitled to & has the right to end any relationship, if it's not doing it for them. Anything is a potential deal clincher.

*Naze

DH's driving was actually nearly a dealbreaker.

Also his horrible surename/insisting on using it for DC....

Queen

I can really relate to that. The 'Okay gone down there for a bit now, I'll wait'.

Never thought of it like that before, but yes. Maybe It's because I feel closer when someone's head is near mine? (!)
I have in the past, made all the right noises etc and even faked so that they'd come back up to me. This coupled with the fact I get no pleasure from it (which may or may not be totally because of the above).
And this is always after telling them I didn't like it. It's as if some people take it as a personal insult.

I've often joked about it with friends and said It's as if someone's stuck a thirsty labrador between my legs or is washing me with a sponge. It just isn't sexual to me at all.

I'm not naive either. And as I've said, I did have a case of enjoying it once. But I'd still very much prefer to never have it again. It does not interest me at all and if I am thinking about it (like now) my legs cross a bit 'cause I find it a bit 'eugh'. But each to their own. :)

I would read that as 'sexual incompatibility' and end it if one loves something that the other doesn't want to do. You can't force someone to perform a sexual act they do not want to.

No everyone likes doing oral. Ive been with my husband for nearly 10 years and only married for 9 months. First year I gave him oral probably twice and I've actually just started to again. I really hate doing it as it makes me gag and I'm terrified I'm gonna puke...lol

OH... a long time ago,,,when all this came to pass.. ie actually to be free and having wild sex, as in a long time ago.. the males of the time as in my case, were wanting to try all things sexual,, I think that they may have read about stuff in magazines ha ha,,, so,, I met an Elvis lookalike at a local dance one night, he was so lovely as in ;looking, dressed up big time, smoking fags and drinking some beer a lot.. so went back to his house,, he wanted sex big time. and said,,do you like oral sex,.. i actually did not know what he was talking about at the time ha ha,,, so it was quite horrible,,as he was a no no at all things sexual.. he was kind of living the dream of being a sexy bloke..and knowing nothing at all... he worked in his dads abbatior by day ..

BUT these days,,there is a lot of chat about oral sex, like it or not,.. well I live in the dark ages,, but happy happy things my way !