Is no oral sex a deal breaker?

[catbows]

Just having a conversation with a friend about a guy she is with that point blank refuses to go down on women.
He doesn't 'expect' blowjobs but does enjoy them.
He says he doesn't give oral because he wouldn't like the texture and because she has asked so many times why he doesn't and that it offends her he now says there is 'pressure' on the situation which means he probably will never do it.
I think this would be a deal breaker for me? Is this normal?
I don't think I've ever known someone to completely refuse....

I find your posts - with the licking out and the bristly discharging clits- brilliantly immature, anon.

anon

Yeah, I guess. I was luckily never in a situation like that!

gammar I'm not trying to be rude. But that's really not what oral sex is. Nobody should ram a penis down your throat (well, unless you want them to).

As for "licking someone out". I think I've heard the term "eating someone out" in English? Idk...

Imagine the hysterical outcry if a man complained here about a woman not wanting to give oral.........

@Sarasue1967 I'd give them exactly the same advice which is that it's fine to not perform a particular sexual act but it's also fine for that to be a dealbreaker for your partner. Nobody's recommending the OP's friend force her partner to give her oral - just saying that it's okay to break up over it if it's that important to her.

Exactly what peachgreen and cricket said.

A sex act, done consensually isn't demeaning.

anon you might want to read the way you describe oral. Then wonder why people have got the impression you find it grim

'Licking someone out' sounds like something that the kids at school used to say, and is very much teenspeak.

I used to know a woman who regaled us with the horror tale of a boyfriend she had for a couple of months. (They were both mid 20's.) He encouraged her to 'go down' on him, and kept on at her to carry on for 15 minutes. She then said 'me next?' He said 'oh no, I'm not into that.'

Priceless.

She tolerated him for just a few weeks, but not til she had had sex with him 4 or 5 times. Each and every time, he requested the BJ, then sucked her nipples for 5 minutes, then stuck his penis in her vagina, huffed and puffed for 2 minutes and then shot his load.

Absolutely nothing in it for her at all, except having her nipples chewed for 5 minutes.

So if I had a man like this who was refusing to give me oral, I would definitely bin him. If he gave me pleasure in other ways, (and gave as much as I gave him,) and had lots of wonderful qualities, then no, it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

On a final note - to the poster 'anon1987; I get why the clit (area) may be classed as bristly if someone has shaved recently, or it has hair around it, but why the F is it 'discharged? '

User you make some great points.

I have never been a fan of the school of thought where sex acts are tit for tat "I do oral so, so should he". What is important is a sexual partner who is respectful of your needs and makes effort to please you whatever they are/aren't into

Thanks jacques.

I was really worried I was patronising then 😂 glad you didn't take it like that 😊

Not for me, I hate receiving oral (almost as much as I hate being told that's just because I have never had it done by someone who knows what they're doing, as if I'm not capable of deciding what I do and don't enjoy ). But if I really liked it and my partner wouldn't do it I might well conclude we're not sexually compatible, and lack of sexual compatibility would be a deal breaker for me.

I feel the exact same, alltouched. Quite capable of knowing what I do and don't like , thank you.. people don't tend to believe me though.

The key here surely is all about timing though. If Oral is absolutely your thing and you absolutely cannot have any kind of sex life without it then of course it would be better to end the relationship sooner rather than later. But after two years the "he won't do oral" excuse just doesn't work. And no, it's not remotely compairable with someone who e.g. Decides that they don't want sex before marriage and then things don't actually change after that either.

And the "I know you'll enjoy it" line is so bloody patronising. If it's not your thing then it's not. It's not for anyone else to decide otherwise.

@Jacques 😘

Thing is as well, is with oral, (on women) it does have to be done right. The clitoris is uber sensitive and if a someone just goes right in there and starts licking, it can be quite uncomfortable. IMO, a woman has to be suitably aroused before the clitoris is touched at all. If sufficient arousal has taken place, oral can be immensely enjoyable, but, as I said, if the person giving it dives right in, it can be rather uncomfortable. You gotta know what you're doing.

Still not sure why anyone would refuse to do it. But each to their own. I guess folk have their reasons.

Ranty Alltouched I think the problem is that the women who say that to you are usually women who also once thought they didn't like it but then met someone who knew how to do it and now love it - and so now feel a little bit like they've been in your shoes, so to speak. I can understand why it would be annoying though.

On a more general note, I think the only thing I've learned about sex in my life is that I never stop learning - stuff I used to hate I now love, stuff I used to love I now hate. So I try never to say 'I don't like that' with finality and instead keep myself open to possibilities. Though of course everyone has hard lines - although I think even those can change!

An old friend has of mine has never given a bj, she's with her teenage sweetheart and is early forties, married with 2dc.
I think that people in general just presume that everyone does it, to be fair she is the only person I know who has told me they don't enjoy them.
Not sure if her dh gives her oral

The majority of young men I know, and all but one of the people I have slept with will not perform oral sex on their partners. It hasn't been a deal breaker for me as I can orgasm easily through PIV and have no problem giving oral, but perhaps if I had learnt to enjoy it the situation would be different. I've never had an orgasm from oral sex and I think it is because I have had the idea that it is gross ingrained on me by hearing it discussed and partners refusing to do it. I think in part it is due to porn, most mainstream porn goes from blowjob straight to PIV and is all for the male partners pleasure and also the views these men hold about female sexuality being dirty come from porn and from wider society in general. The view that Sex is for men, women simply oblige to win a mate and father children, they couldn't possibly enjoy sex even though they can have multiple orgasms... and sadly I think this view is more pervasive than is visible from the surface.

Christ it's all about compatbilty
I feel uncomfortable with receiving and giving oral
I don't like lots of things, but when you find someone you feel deeply about your attitude changes
That's why I wouldn't write off anything with someone I love deeply
And neither should anyone!

Also everyone's body's are different
If he's never been down on her how does he know if he doesn't like it.
Sorry if that sounds stupid, because I am sure people will say, if people know they know
But there are some people I have hated going down on and some people I have loved going down on
Mainly it's the love thing
She's not asking him to do something drastically horrific

DH has tried but doesn't like taste (I am fairly acidic down there). He does other stuff tho so doesn't really matter.

Silly
No way a deal breaker, expressing love in whatever way you want is how it should be. Who cares what type of acts or positions :S sounds like a fling to me!!

Oral (both giving and receiving) is one of my most favourite sex things...when it is done by someone who knows what they are doing, it's amazing.
I always thought it was one of the regular things people did in foreplay each time they had sex.
Guess I've been fortunate in that almost all the men I've been in relationships with have absolutely loved going down on me and considered it an integral part of foreplay/sex.

It would probably be a deal breaker for me, but more importantly and a huge turn off, is someone who is not willing to at least try once something that gives me great pleasure. I would.

She's not asking him to do something drastically horrific

She's asking him to do something he has clearly stated that he doesn't want to do.
Why is it so difficult to understand that not everybody has oral sex, likes oral sex, or has any inclination to try oral sex.

I tried it and I didn't like it, and I doubt I'll change my mind.
I really and truly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

For all we know, being constantly harried for oral sex might be a deal breaker for the boyfriend in question. There's nothing so off putting as a pushy sex partner. He'll get fed up of her I imagine.

I know what you mean, peach. The reason I know fully I don't ever want it again is I've managed (once) to enjoy it as in sexual pleasure and STILL know I never want it again. The reasons I don't like it go beyond simple button pushing.

She's not asking him to do something drastically horrific

Oh well that's okay then. We should force people into sexual acts they aren't comfortable with because you don't think they're horrific.

It is not a deal breaker for me, because I am not bothered about receiving oral. It does nothing for me. Wet & sloppy and it tickles rather than being pleasureable. I could live without it. I would not give oral either in those circumstances as I can't say I enjoy giving oral.