Is no oral sex a deal breaker?

[catbows]

Just having a conversation with a friend about a guy she is with that point blank refuses to go down on women.
He doesn't 'expect' blowjobs but does enjoy them.
He says he doesn't give oral because he wouldn't like the texture and because she has asked so many times why he doesn't and that it offends her he now says there is 'pressure' on the situation which means he probably will never do it.
I think this would be a deal breaker for me? Is this normal?
I don't think I've ever known someone to completely refuse....

The reasons I don't like it go beyond simple button pushing

Exactly. I said earlier that it grossed me out. That was a fairly sweeping statement. It doesn't really, but I don't like the feeling at all.

gammaraystar If you think oral sex is someone 'ramming their penis down your throat' then I'm afraid you've either been poorly treated or misled.

Or they've watched too much porn and think that is normal.

WHAT IS THIS THREAD.

Obviously not. Meh.

Queenofflatshoes she has never asked him to go down or been stroppy about it.
I think the problem is that she loves him which is why she stayed but is now realising that it is something she would appreciate, so needs to leave him as it makes her feel a little resentful and she was wondering if it is okay to end things for this reason alone.

What if this were a bloke saying 'would it be a deal breaker if she refuses anal?'?

There would be uproar on here.

Not RTFT, but just popped in to make Beader's point (above).
There's no 'ought to' or 'expectation of reciprocity' with sex, it should totally be about what one feels comfortable and relaxed about.
But your friend needs to take responsibility for her desire for oral and not make it about what her DP should or shouldn't do.

It's interesting that so many people are desperate to make a false equivalence between a woman receiving oral sex and receiving (presumably) anal sex.
They really aren't the same, anal can be v painful, oral shouldn't he and they are certainly not the same in long term health implications so I wonder why people are resorting to that example to make their point.

his

Or how often people made the point... "But what if a man."

It's never been an act that has been incorporated into my sex life, with anyone. So I guess for me, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I also wouldn't expect anyone to do something they weren't keen on.

I love giving DH oral but am not bothered about him doing it to me. I like a bit of it but can't be doing with it going on for ages. I rarely have an orgasm from oral it. He loves doing it .
However, if he said he didn't 'like the texture', and refused to do it, I have to admit, even though I am not that into it, it would niggle at me. It is not like other parts of your body- someone might not like touching ears or feet but who cares- your vagina is just central to the whole sex thing. I kind of feel if he can't at least like that bit of me, I don't want him near it in any way. It sounds as if he is disgusted or turned off by that bit of a woman and I wouldn't want him near mine if that was the case.

No, wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. There are more important things in life...

queen the act itself doesn't gross me out as in I don't think It's gross that other people enjoy it. On me it grosses me out! :) if I enjoyed it maybe it wouldn't. Lol I'm tying my brain up now. I don't like the thought of someone's mouth on my vagina. And yes I too don't like the feeling. I've had it numerous times because partners have liked it and I've thought 'I'll let them, no big deal is it..." and the first thing I feel like doing is going and douching myself ( I don't , obviously but that's what I want to do). Not very sexy.

I'm genuinely relieved to hear that other women don't like receiving oral. It does nothing whatsoever for me. It's just...wet.

Rantymare

I don't really care for the feeling either. When my partner expressed a wish to give me oral (because he enjoys doing it) I used to agree even though I got no pleasure from it. (He would never have pushed it had I said no.)

Trouble is, it makes me feel like he's gone off somewhere to do something else. As if my vagina is a separate entity and he's buggered off down there and left me on my own. Almost as if he'd gone off to fix a plug and would be back in a minute. I can't explain it or analyse it but it breaks a connection.
The number of times I've said "Why don't you come back up here with me?" has probably convinced him that it's not helping the mood.
I have a feeling that this all might sound very naïve, but I'm no spring chicken and have had two long term partners and a couple of others so not lacking experience. It's how I feel.
Others may feel that they couldn't go through the rest of their life without it. I can't put myself in their shoes, I just couldn't imagine leaving someone I love for that reason. But it's their call, obvs.

My OH is always asking for oral sex, and I don't particularly enjoy it tbh. I don't know why men think women like doing it so much? I always offer to buy a strap-on and let him suck me off, see how much he enjoys it!

That being said, OH would go down on me if I asked, but I'm not a big fan of it. In fact, I don't really think I like anything sexual at all.

It's not a deal-breaker for me. Sex isn't important to me in a relationship.

Absolutely anything can be a dealbreaker. it's simply a matter of individual choice or - ahem - taste

I love giving oral to dh, him is not so keen on giving. Am I disappointed yes a bit but I have a great vibromassor making up for it but it's not a deal breaker !

I think this thread has been derailed.

I think this would be a deal breaker for me? Is this normal?

Is this normal? Who cares? As pp's correctly stated, pretty much anything can be a dealbreaker. And sexual compatibility is imo very important.
There's (IMO!) nothing wrong with wanting to be with somebody that does indeed like oral (giving, receiving, both, either...). Just like there's nothing wrong with not wanting oral sex (or other sexual practices! Be that PIV or other more "unusual" practives) be part of your sexlife.

So if a woman posts on here saying that her partner is pressuring her and trying to emotionally manipulate her into anal sex then that would be ok?

There are men who claim they only get real pleasure from anal so would it be ok for them to tell their partners that they have to at least try it before suggesting they wouldn't like it?

I'm all for girl power and everything but we have to remember that a healthy respect in your partner is paramount to a healthy relationship...and that goes for us ladies too!

It's not fair to expect men to respect a woman's right to say no and then flip it around saying they should be doing anything we want them to do in order to please us.

If however, you find yourself in a situation where you feel unfulfilled...it is completely reasonable to retreat from said situation. Simply parting ways due to incompatibility is what is fair here. Either compromise or start anew.

Why are people saying a woman liking to receive oral sex is the same as a man pressuring her into anal sex?

Why anal sex? Why not oral sex or piv sex? Why is everyone introducing anal in the discussion?

If he has tried it and doesn't like it fair enough.

I had a bf who didn't do it to his former gf because she didn't shave, but I was (back in the day) adventurous and shaved so he tried it and DID like it!

If he has never actually tried it and thinks it's gross because that's what the boys at school told him, then how is this different from us saying to a 5 year old, "You can't say you don't like broccoli until you've tried it!"?

Well, sex isn't the same as eating broccoli.

And whilst I don't fundamentally disagree I do think it's different in the case of sex. If one feels genuinely uncomfortable then that's just how it is.

I'd rather give up PIV than oral... But that's obviously just me.

I mean, sometimes people just know. And that is fine.
Pressuring them into something they don't want to do is really wrong and abusive. And not the same as serving the same food again and again... (Which is what my mother did)

I find men who are squeamish about vaginas a total turn off.

Deal breaker for me.

When she says texture.... are we talking hairy mary? (My boyfriend made this point).... puts some people of apparently, rightly or wrongly.