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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
LedaP · 14/05/2017 00:42

I met dh at 18, got married at 20 and had dd at 22. It took us ages to get pg as well.

Dbro met his wife at 32. They were married and had their first on the way in less than 3 years. Then had another 11 months after that.

LedaP · 14/05/2017 00:43

Sorry forgot ro say i though dbro epild never get married. Loved being single. But just met her and they clicked. Still together 8 years later.

I know people who have taken years and people that have taken months.

BertieBotts · 14/05/2017 00:44

I think ideally you need to know someone for at least 5 years but I reckon you could get to it in two if you were quick.

FuckADuckk · 14/05/2017 00:45

Met and living together in 18m engaged in 2 years, married in 3 baby in 3y9m Grin

RNBrie · 14/05/2017 00:45

I met dh the day before I turned 30. I was married and three months pregnant when I turned 32. The wedding was planned but the baby wasn't!!

icklekid · 14/05/2017 00:45

Met 2010, married 2012, baby 2014...

okilydokily · 14/05/2017 00:45

I started dating DH in Apr 2009. Engaged by early Apr 2010, pregnant by late April 2010, got married Sept 2010, our DS was born in Feb 2011!

StrawbRhi · 14/05/2017 00:46

Met my now husband in Nov 2009. Moved in with him in Jan 2010. Pregnant by March 2010. DD1 born Dec 2010. We married in 2012 and are expecting DD2 in 3 weeks.
It's all totally unpredictable.

JellicleCat · 14/05/2017 00:47

I had known DH for a while, but from getting together properly to baby, via marriage, 22 months. And I was 38 when dc was born. So plenty of time yet. At 33 I would have been like you.

WishUponAStar88 · 14/05/2017 00:47

Met 18, married at 25, baby 26. I think generally it takes longer when you're younger to be sure of things/ ready to commit. Many friends who met partners later have been engaged/ married within a couple of years of meeting.

Maryann1975 · 14/05/2017 00:47

Met when I was 21,
Engaged at 22
Married at 23
Pregnant 24
First child 25
Second child 27
Third child 29

kel1493 · 14/05/2017 00:48

Dh and I decided to start ttc after 2 months together. I got pregnant when we'd been together 6 months.
We got married on the date we'd been together for 11 months.
A lot of people said it was really quick to be married and 4.5 pregnant within a year. But we both wanted it

Original poster
WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:50

These stories are reassuring me, thank you. Basically, what you are saying is, if it is the right person, it can be as quick pr slpw as we choose together. Now for the problem of actually meeting someone which I have never been good at. Hmm

OP posts:
Itsjustaphase2016 · 14/05/2017 00:50

Met, dated for 4 months, then moved in together. Got pregnant 8 months later. Had baby, got pregnant again on dc1 1st birthday. Got engaged when 5 months pregnant with dc 2. Got married when dcs were 2 and 1.
6 years after meeting, we are married with 3 dc.
Between meeting and giving birth to dc 1 - 21 months

Enidblyton1 · 14/05/2017 00:50

I know two women who were single at 38 and by the time they were early 40s they were married with two kids.

Ravenblack · 14/05/2017 00:52
Flowers

There is no cut and dried answer to that sweetie, but I do feel for you. I remember worrying about being left on the shelf when I was single in my early 20's! My mates and cousins etc were all married or at least in a fairly long term relationship by early 20's, and I got sick of people asking if I had a boyfriend.

So I can only imagine what it's like to be 33, and still single.

I hope you find love soon. Smile

I met my fella in my mid 20's btw, and moved in together, got married, and had a baby within 5 years.

It has to be the right person though.

Gingerbreadmam · 14/05/2017 00:53

knew dp almost all my life. finally gor it together ages 27.

29 - accidental pregnancy -mmc.
30 - planned pregnancy - stillbirth
32 - planned pregnancy - mmc suspected pataus.

shit. you just dont know what you're in store for.

still like to think time is on our side.

zen1 · 14/05/2017 00:53

Met in 2000, moved in 21 months later, married 6 months after that, baby born 4 months after marriage. So met to baby = appro 2.5 years.

Ravenblack · 14/05/2017 00:54

Posted too soon!

It has to be the right person though. You can't just marry anyone for the sake of having a baby.

I never thought I would meet anyone, then suddenly DH came along when I least expected it! Smile

All the best!

OhDearToby · 14/05/2017 00:56

It's the 4 year anniversary of meeting my dp today and I'm 35 weeks pregnant with our second dd together. I already had dd1 when I met him which I guess sped things up a bit. We're getting married next year.

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 14/05/2017 00:59

Met August 2014.
Got together September 2014
Moved in together February 2016
Had first child together November 2016.

Been together 2 years 8 months total.

user1491572121 · 14/05/2017 01:11

Met DH when I was 29 got engaged a year later and moved in together. I got pregnant a year after that. We both knew we would get married and have children almost as soon as we met. We've been together for 15 years now.

anon1987 · 14/05/2017 01:11

Met my dp when we were just 14, had our first dd unplanned at 18 then 2 more dd planned at 22 and 25.
We've been together 15 years and are soon to be 30, and have completed our family.

I would say op that at 33 you do still have time, yes you may not be able to wait 10 years into a relationship before you have children, but you still have a good few years.
A lot can change in 1 year!

Id also like to say that having children is a wonderful thing, but there are so many wonderful things in life besides parenthood.
If it didn't work out for you and you weren't able to be a parent for whatever reason, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I know many happy people who don't have children and have amazing lives.

I hope everything works out how you want it too x

RhodaBorrocks · 14/05/2017 01:29

I can't offer a success story OP, but I met XP in late 2003, got together NYE 2003, moved in together in 2004, got pregnant 2006 and DS born 2007.

I can sympathise as I'm now 35 and have been single for 4 years. Hoping to meet someone special with the knowledge that when it's special it can go very quickly. I have one friend who met her DH at 38, got pregnant at 39, had DS1 at 40 and DS2 at 43. Another friend was lamenting that she was 36 and single when I was expecting DS. In the space of time I have been single she's met someone and had 2 kids!

Also look at the fertility history of the women in your family. Late babies (mums aged 35-45) are not uncommon in my family tree on both sides, and that can be an indicator of how things might be for you. Unplanned babies have also happened all over my family tree, including my DF, DS and my DNiece born last month as well as some others, so I think we're generally a fertile bunch!

MarcelineTheVampire · 14/05/2017 01:41

I met DP 3.5years ago - we now have a mortgage, DD and I'm about to give birth by again.

It can happen quickly when you know it is right. Don't panic - 33 is still young, plenty of time!!