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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
yoursforthetalking · 14/05/2017 04:43

I think you are really asking "am I too old?" and I say no. Don't hurry, don't worry. I was married at 33, then 3 kids between 37 - 42 (spot of older mother reproductive issues in the beginning). Bonus, I have more money (longer in my career pre-kids) and patience as an older parent, and not a "starter" marriage like some of my BFFs. I can still be arsey though

Snowdog37 · 14/05/2017 04:43

Met when I was 33 and he was 39. Married 2.5yrs later and started trying pretty much 6 months later. Nothing happened as it turned out my ovaries are in Premature Failure. So we are still trying at 39 and 45. Moving on to donor egg ivf next month in the hope that works. So you really never know. All the people who kept saying "relax, give it time, it'll happen" can jog on. I never expected to meet my dh so late in life, and I really didn't expect to be infertile when I finally did so. My advice: crack on with what you want out of life. Don't wait for the perfect situation because it doesn't exist!

MrsFloppy · 14/05/2017 04:47

Me and dh met and were married with ds 16 months later. Grin

fiftyplustwo · 14/05/2017 04:48

It can be quicker than that. Check the "TED: Ideas worth spreading"-site for "How I hacked online dating"! Then you know how you could approach it.

nippa · 14/05/2017 04:52

I met DH when I was 34, we got married when I was 37, and I had a baby just before my 42nd birthday after six years of trying.

Mandraki · 14/05/2017 04:57

Met in 2012, married last year, baby coming this October (eek!). All relationships are different though and you could definitely get it done sooner if you met someone who wanted the same time scale as you or if you didn't want to get married first.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 14/05/2017 05:07

At 33 men are looking to settle down I think so your age is just right, make sure you date loads and don't get too hung up on a list you might have of a perfect partner, having said that I didn't meet my husband until I was 41, we worked together for a year then got together and married 2 years later, we'd have had s baby straight away but I didn't know I had fertility problems (not age related) but I'm 8 weeks pregnant now so don't measure your life against others (easier said than done though)

Writerwannabe83 · 14/05/2017 05:16

Met when I was 27.
Moved in 4 months later.
Got engaged and married when I was 29.
First baby when I was 30.
Now 33 and pregnant with 2nd baby.

SallyGinnamon · 14/05/2017 05:28

Four years from first meeting to giving birth with a wedding in between!

rightwhine · 14/05/2017 05:54

3 years to giving birth. I do agree that you know pretty soon as you get older.

user1473602935 · 14/05/2017 05:58

I think as you get older you know more about what you're looking for in a partner so things can happen more quickly

You have loads of time at 33, don't worry!

You could easily meet someone and have a child within 2 years. That's what I did altho happily skipped the marriage bit

mrsnoon · 14/05/2017 06:00

Met in mid-June, together by end of July, pregnant by Christmas. Still together nearly 8 years on with 2 kids. We both just knew I think. I was 26, he was 35.

biddybid73 · 14/05/2017 06:08

Met my now husband in June 3 years ago. Have a 9 month old baby and got married 3 months ago.

I am 43 so you have loads of time!

HomityBabbityPie · 14/05/2017 06:08

Met DP at 23, had baby at 26, bought house at 26. We aren't married.

Shiraznowplease · 14/05/2017 06:08

I was young so 8 years from meeting to dc but a friend met a guy at 35 and has just turned 40 and has 3dd and got engaged a few months ago. Life has a way of happening just the way we want when we least expect it. She decided to change her career and focus on that instead and within a year she had met and had dd1

Orange80 · 14/05/2017 06:09

I worked with someone who had gone through a massive heartbreak. He decided he wanted to get married and have a baby.

Not exaggerating - one year later, he was married and she was pregnant. He hadn't known his wife before, either.

He met her, married her and conceived a baby with her all within a year.

iamreginaphalange · 14/05/2017 06:14

Met OH in 2013
3 months into relationship he went abroad for work and we did 16 months long distance
He came back October 14 we moved in together
Engaged June 16
Set date for July 17
Started planning wedding in July/Aug 16 THEN in November I found out I was pregnant so now we are having a baby in July 17 .... wedding will be after Lo is born .. btw Iam 35

aheffalump · 14/05/2017 06:14

Met when I was 27 and he was 33, moved in after 18 months (renting) starting tic after we bought our own place when I was 31, had dd when I was 34. Still umming and aahing about trying for a second!

None of my friends had kids before 30.

All of my friends who were single in their early thirties met someone and had children very quickly after 30 (my friend got knocked up on the first date, maybe wouldn't advise that!) I'm in London so that maybe explains all the late births ( and all my friends work full time in pretty demanding careers.)

allegretto · 14/05/2017 06:20

Within a year of meeting dh I was pregnant. Within 21 months, married with a baby. Been together 14 years now, if it's the right person things can happen fast!

MrsSlocombesPussy · 14/05/2017 06:27

Met DH at 33
Moved in after 6 months
Started ttc at 35
DC1 at 37
DC2 at 39
Been together for 16 years

Oysterbabe · 14/05/2017 06:28

I met my partner on Match when I was 32.
First date August 2013
Moved in July 2014
Engaged December 2014
Married May 2015
Pregnant May 2015
First child born December 2015
Pregnant April 2017
Second child due December 2017
I'm 36 now.

So married and pregnant in under 2 years. It's all well and good saying you need years to get to know eachother but when you have your fertility to consider that isn't always sensible. PPs are right, in your 30s you have a much better idea of what you want and what you can and can't tolerate. DH and I were on the same page from the start, both wanting marriage and kids as a priority. We're very happy and I'd do the same again.

TheLegendOfBeans · 14/05/2017 06:38

Met Feb '15
Baby Feb '16
Married Jan '17

Needless to say I'm 35 and previously divorced x

Vanannabananna · 14/05/2017 06:58

Meet online 2011, married 2014, baby 1 born on our first anniversary. Currently trying for baby 2!

maybefallingapart · 14/05/2017 07:00

Friends for a couple of years. Got together. Pregnant 3 weeks later. Married when she was 8 months old and pregnant again on the honeymoon

Pengweng · 14/05/2017 07:04

Met at 20
Moved in together at 22
Engaged at 25
Married at 26
Bought a house at 27
Had twins at 27
Been together 12 years so far

I tend to think that the older you are the quicker things move. My boss met her husband and got married within a year.

I hope you meet someone amazing soon. X