Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
KittyWindbag · 14/05/2017 01:46

22 when we met, married at 26, first baby due imminently at 28. I think it's important to feel like you really know each other. My SIL got married s and pregnant within months of knowing her husband. They do love each other but they've had to deal with getting to know each other as well as the strains of living together and being parents and it's harder for them I think.

Good luck OP!

user1491572121 · 14/05/2017 01:52

OP ignore the "left on the shelf comment " it's an archaic way of thinking that's not relevent to women today.

You could consider egg freezing as a sort of insurance if you're worried.

Whereismumhiding2 · 14/05/2017 01:58

33 is young enough. I think you know quicker when you are older what suits you. So date, date and keep dating and look for that special guy for you. Go all out to find the right family chap. Then you've given it your best shot.

You don't need to get married before baby, though it is nice if you do. People live all sorts of lives, with or without partners, and with or without children.Just think what is your priority.
What is it that you want to happen? Be genuine when dating (after 3rd date maybe!) that you are looking for right person to share life with and have a family with in next few years together, but only if they were right person for you.

Some men out there want same thing, and have just been too busy, so defo weed out the insincere ones. Don't let anyone string you along. A guy that age or slightly older that gets scared by that, isn't family material.

Frankly you could get pregnant accidentally after one night! (Not recommended for oh so many reasons, but women can get pregnant that quickly on occasions when they least expect it!) (And usually it takes longer to make a baby)

Meeting someone early in life and settling down young, even after babies being planned and coming along, is no guarantee that you'll get lovely family unit. There are many of us out there raising DC as unplanned single parents despite 'doing everything young' and looking lucky. I have 3 DC and my XH was (or looked) perfect at beginning to build a family with, but increasingly awful once DC started arriving. I'd pick far better if I did my time again knowing more in my 30s (XH and I met aged 15).

So, anyway, my friend who met and married her DH late in life (41), had her first and only child aged 43. Yes it's very late (she told me she'd considered artificial insemination and to be a single parent once she hit 40) but didnt have to as she soon met right guy- she is very happy.
It's rare but possible for it to happen even at that late a childbearing age.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 14/05/2017 02:01

Unless you're very self sufficient, financially and emotionally, I don't think you should rush into having kids. Read a bit more MN to see how many men take off as soon as their partner becomes pregnant or the reality of having children settles in.

DP and I waited 15 years! We did meet when I was only 18 but we wanted to make sure we were grown up enough and financially stable enough to support a family.

I wouldn't dream of making children with someone I didn't know very, very well. For you, you get a beautiful baby. The baby may end up stuck with a bad parent for life if you don't choose carefully.

I have a friend who is desperate for a baby. She's 40 and has endometriosis so slim chances to begin with. She's rushed into buying a house with a guy she's known for 6 months who is thick, racist and just awful. She's not happy with him but she's just so desperate. I would feel so sorry for a baby being born to an idiot like him. He does really want a baby with her, but the poor child would have a very strict and unpleasant childhood.

I'm not suggesting you would do this but it makes me sad to see how some people want kids so badly they don't make the right decision for the child, which is to have loving parents.

Verypersonalandcleverusername · 14/05/2017 02:03

Met DH at 32. Pregnant 1.5 months later. Baby was 6 weeks old on our 1st anniversary.
Together 11 years so far.

deliverdaniel · 14/05/2017 02:04

met for the first time on an internet date in January. Pregnant by that December. Married when 5 months pregnant. Now have 2DCs' and another on the way.

Whereismumhiding2 · 14/05/2017 02:04

Good luck OP Flowers

I just wanted to say that life is a risk even if you meet & marry younger. I definitely think my batch of mummy friends that met 'the one' later and had children later, decided better sometimes than some of us younger settle down ones did. But it is down to luck partly as ppl change or stay who they were when you met them and grow together.

Tweezerz · 14/05/2017 02:06

I don't believe you need to know someone w certain amount of time to "know". I know a very happy couple who met aged 38 and 40 and were married eighteen months later. My parents have been married for 46 years and they knew each other for 9 months before they got married!

My best friend met someone online and fell pregnant accidentally four months into their relationship, she was 33 at the time. They have now been together for four years and they have two lovely children.

I think the best advice is to "make it happen" for yourself, go on as many dates as possible and give people a chance who you may have previously dismissed (I mean looks wise not people who are abusive etc.)

notangelinajolie · 14/05/2017 02:09

It could be as little as 9 months Grin For me - meeting to first baby was 6 years.

Met 22
Married 26
Baby 1 28
Baby 2 30
Baby 3 36

I know you may feel your biological clock is ticking but don't rush to have a baby with someone you hardly know. If you meet someone -
be sure he is the right man before you try for a baby. Diagnosed with Endometriosis and aware that early menopause runs in my family had me very worrried that I may not be able to conceive and probably had less fertile years ahead of me than the average woman but I still waited until I knew I was with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Menopause for me happened after baby 3 at 36 - my periods never came back. I agree with a previous poster - look at fertility of the women in your family - it's not going to be 100% accurate obviously but it can be a good indicator if perhaps your mum/grandmother had children as older mothers. I believe it is possible to have tests that indicate how many eggs you have and you can freeze some for future use. I would have done this but it wasn't a thing at that time.

.
Hope you find your perfect partner soon OP and don't fret too much just yet - people have first babies when they are well into their 40's

BillSykesDog · 14/05/2017 02:16

I met DH at 21. We had fertility problems and found it hard to get the NHS to take us seriously when I was young. As a result I didn't have my fertility problems diagnosed until I was about 31. Had my first child at 33. I am 38 now and have three children. I hope to have at least one more and I am diagnosed infertile. Buy ovulation sticks to give yourself an idea. But 33 is not old, don't panic.

Whereismumhiding2 · 14/05/2017 02:24

I love hearing stories how people met 'the one', married within 18 months (or not at these days), had a family and are happy still years later on. It gives me hope. I don't want any more DC and am too old now at 46, I have 3 already. But i love the romance...

I wouldn't have chosen to be a single parent. However if it was a choice for me (at 38 single say...) to have DC on my own, in hindsight, I'd do that, as ultimately it isn't so shabby being a single parent & i adore my DC. I work and can manage even as a single parent to 3, though I'd never have planned to be on my own (my XH was abusive & was arrested) . It is a privilege to have children and I didn't mind my life became sidelined. I sadly felt like a married single parent early on, despite thinking I'd picked well in a DH as a youngster.

FreeNiki · 14/05/2017 02:29

I felt that way at 33. Met someone, they cheated and broke my heart. He married the one he cheated me with.

The next one cheated and the next was a bastard.

Now Im 39 and I've accepted being alone and childless forever

MickeyRooney · 14/05/2017 02:29

Using the term left on the shelf is mean.

whattheactualfudge · 14/05/2017 02:45

I was pregnant within 3 weeks of meeting my ex! (Contraception failure before I get flamed!)

OneTitWonder · 14/05/2017 02:50

Met and living together within 6 weeks, engaged at 8 months, pregnant (but miscarried) a month after engagement, married a year from the day we met. I was 37, he was 39. Took another miscarriage and 18 months to get our baby.

ellesbellesxxx · 14/05/2017 02:52

Met at 27.. moved in 6 months later
Engaged 29
Married 30
Ttc for 2.5 years... round of ivf later...
Pregnant at 32-33 with twins!
But I do know others who it happened even quicker for!
We met online so we do laugh that both us meeting and making babies was done the modern way

Lochan · 14/05/2017 02:53

I think the older you are the less time you need to be sure about someone.

Our lovely friend had been single for years, wasn't (quite rightly) prepared to settle for anything less than great big lightening bolts of love. (Aww)

He met his DW via an online date aged 38. Married a year later, beautiful baby before his 40th birthday. They are a lovely couple and we were all just delighted for them.

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 14/05/2017 02:55

We were told we were quick but at the time it felt so much longer

Met when I was about to turn 21 in Spring 2003
Engaged mid Summer 2004 age 22
Bought house and moved in together Spring 2005
Married Winter 2005 age 23
DS born early Summer 2007 age 25
DD born late Summer/ early Autumn 2009 age 27

Laineymc7 · 14/05/2017 03:05

Met when I was 32, baby 2 years later, got engaged and then just had baby no2. Plan on getting married next year. Don't give up hope you have loads of time to meet someone and have children. My friend met her husband at 38 they got married that year. She now has two children. They just moved quicker because they were older and knew they'd met the right person. Good luck op.

haveacupoftea · 14/05/2017 04:02

Met at 23
Moved in 25
Engaged 30
Pregnant 31

Takes a bit longer when you're younger I think though. I'd say you could have the whole thing done and dusted in 2-3 years if you meet someone who wants the same things.

haveacupoftea · 14/05/2017 04:02

Met at 23
Moved in 25
Engaged 30
Pregnant 31

Takes a bit longer when you're younger I think though. I'd say you could have the whole thing done and dusted in 2-3 years if you meet someone who wants the same things.

PotteringAlong · 14/05/2017 04:13

Met 27
Engaged 29
Married 30
Baby 1 32
Baby 2 34
Baby 3 37

squoosh · 14/05/2017 04:16

So I can only imagine what it's like to be 33, and still single.

Oh yeah, a fate worse than death!

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 14/05/2017 04:16

Met at 18
Dating at 19
Engaged at 20
Married at 21
DS at two weeks shy of 38! Conceived naturally - just pursuing my career and some epic holidays in between.

squoosh · 14/05/2017 04:25

it makes me sad to see how some people want kids so badly they don't make the right decision for the child, which is to have loving parents.

When time isn't on people's side sometimes they just have to go for it. I'm sure this goes against your 15 year rule, but that's life baby! For some people it's a now or never situation.