To think if you're off work ill, then you don't bugger off out all day

[SingToMeInFrench]

DH and I are both ill. Cold virus thing that has floored us and I'm suffering from mastitis. We have 2 DS (4yr old and 5week old).

Last night, my DM had oldest DS as we were both poorly. Youngest DS is ebf, so I do all the night waking. DH slept in a different room and had a full night's sleep.

So today DH takes today off work (was off yesterday too) as he's ill. He says he's going for a drive around 10am (claims he has cabin fever)m and says he'll bring something back to eat. He's only just arrived home.

I've had a terrible time with DS - I've been texting him all day saying how he won't breastfeed/is screaming/won't sleep but I just get "hang in there" back.

In the 30minutes DS did sleep I managed to do some cleaning and washing, even though I'm feeling shit.

He arrived home and I'm giving DS a bottle of formula - I couldn't see any other option, he hadn't fed all day. DH says "great, you've crumbled. You just can't hack it". I'm crying saying I needed his support and he says I need to cope as he has a job. He then puts plates of takeaway in front of us and proceeds to eat. I'm still crying. He says "you going to eat that? We don't have money to waste" and takes it away and puts it in the kitchen.

DM is having oldest DS again tonight because I can only just about handle youngest DS whilst feeling like this. DH will get another lovely sleep and got a lovely day off today.

Baby has just guzzled the formula after screaming at my boobs all day. I feel useless.

Where's he actually been then? His attitude to you isn't great at all but where he went is relevant.

Er YADNBU! Jesus. Is he normally such an arsehole? If baby is taking a bottle can you express/give formula and his father can take his child all night!

Yep.
His turn to feed baby overnight.
Has he explained where he was, the twat?

I asked him before he went out if he could pick up some baby gros. Does that take 7hours?

I could have screamed whilst he was scoffing his chips next to me. All the time I'm sobbing whilst giving formula.

He's been such a dick that I don't want to leave the baby with him

But no explanation, no

Ye gads, that takes selfishness to another level! on your behalf. What on earth was he doing?

Agree, express milk/ formula for him to take over tonight. From the spare room. Hope you feel better and have a good sleep.

Where the jeff has he buggered off to all day? He's being a massive wanker. Who does he think he is to talk to you like that and take your food away like a child?! Actually angry for you.

I'm reeling after reading that.

for you. You've had a shit day, and a bottle of formula may just give you an hour's peace. You need it.

Where has he been all day? He's been out for nigh on 7 hours!

If i were you, I'd leave the baby and the formula with him, and go to DM's with DS1 for the night. Get some nourishing food (how can you fight a cold, cope with mastitis and keep up your milk supply on takeaway food, apart from anything else!) and a good night's rest. Take a breast pump with you, so you can express some milk, and save it for tomorrow, as an emergency bottle, but if you want to continue BF, you should get back to it asap to keep up your supply, as I'm sure you know.

He's an arse. Sorry, but he is. Was he always this bad, or is this new?

Wtf! Where has he been then? He won't tell you? What a fucking arsehole.

Oh what a fucking arse hole. Fancy saying that. Its nothing to do with caving in. Your baby needed feeding and wouldn't suckle from your breast. These things happen, so. You gave him a bottle instead. What else were you supposed to do. Let him starve.
One thing I will tell you off over is running around like a blue arse fly cleaning up, When you could have taken that time to rest.

Tell him to grow up or fuck off. How DARE he criticize you when he left you in the shit. Give him a bollocking, or enlist someone he would listen to to do it. Wanker.
for you .

He sounds nasty OP.
It's one thing to have cabin fever and need a break; quite another for him to make the awful comments about crumbling & can't hack it etc. What a dickhead!

I agree he should take baby over night. And wake up with him for GI feeds. He did after all help to create the child

You're not going to believe where he went...

....he went to WORK

Even though he said he was going for a drive and asked if I wanted anything picking up (hence me asking for the baby gros)

What the actual fuck? I feel like I've been head fucked.

Don't feel useless. There's nothing wrong with formula. Mine all thrived on it from day 1.

You aren't well, and perhaps the mastitis has affected your milk supply. No harm in giving formula while things sort themselves out, and it would mean DH doing tonight's night feeds.

He doesn't sound very supportive though. I would have found that all irritating, to put it mildly.

YANBU to stab him with the bread knife.

Oops that wasn't the question was it.

I wouldn't believe him about going to work tbh. What a dick.

Has he apologized for leaving you in the shit or his knobheadded comment? Has he taken the baby so you can rest?

"great, you've crumbled. You just can't hack it".

He is a cunt, HE can't hack it hence fucking off all day long doing god knows what.
Do you want to stay with someone who can treat you and your kids likes this?
My DP bends over backwards to help and support me to breastfeed and take care of the our older DCs and he has a job too, it's the normal thing to do. What your H is doing is downright nasty and spiteful.

You each take a child, despite illness. So how is he "hacking" it when your mother has to take your eldest because he's not parent enough to hack looking after his own child while ill? But expecting you - who is even more I'll - to do so?

I am in awe that you were composed enough to just cry - I think that would honestly have me destroying soft fluffy pillows in the guest room, emerging enraged, howling obsenities and covered in feather fluff, like something out of a 1980s Jack Nicholson movie.

I went upstairs to give him the baby and bottle. That's when he said "you know I have to go to work, I had stuff to do".

Me: what? You said you were going for a drive and brining back food/baby gros"

H: oh. No I went to work.

So he's got the baby and the bottle? Eat then sleep my love, cunt features can be on baby duty now .

Actually this will be 3 nights in a row he will have had a full night's sleep. Two nights ago I had both DS in bed with me all night.

He's been great up until today.

I text him earlier saying my DM offered to have our oldest again tonight as I felt poorly and felt like the house was chaos and the baby was screaming, and he replied with " you sound like you're panicking, calm down, it's just one bad feeding session"

I replied saying that he was more than welcome to be in charge of our eldest tonight (I still thought he was on his "drive" at this point) but he didn't reply, funnily enough...

At no point did he say he was at work or that he was obviously well enough to have our oldest tonight. If you can drive into London and back and do a day's work then you can do a 4 year olds bedtime routine, surely?

He sounds delightful.

Agree with pp's, hand him the baby and go and get some rest.

Blimey, just saw your update. Why the fuck didn't he tell you he was going to work? What was the great big secret there?

Bizarre. He is behaving like a dick.