To think if you're off work ill, then you don't bugger off out all day

[SingToMeInFrench]

DH and I are both ill. Cold virus thing that has floored us and I'm suffering from mastitis. We have 2 DS (4yr old and 5week old).

Last night, my DM had oldest DS as we were both poorly. Youngest DS is ebf, so I do all the night waking. DH slept in a different room and had a full night's sleep.

So today DH takes today off work (was off yesterday too) as he's ill. He says he's going for a drive around 10am (claims he has cabin fever)m and says he'll bring something back to eat. He's only just arrived home.

I've had a terrible time with DS - I've been texting him all day saying how he won't breastfeed/is screaming/won't sleep but I just get "hang in there" back.

In the 30minutes DS did sleep I managed to do some cleaning and washing, even though I'm feeling shit.

He arrived home and I'm giving DS a bottle of formula - I couldn't see any other option, he hadn't fed all day. DH says "great, you've crumbled. You just can't hack it". I'm crying saying I needed his support and he says I need to cope as he has a job. He then puts plates of takeaway in front of us and proceeds to eat. I'm still crying. He says "you going to eat that? We don't have money to waste" and takes it away and puts it in the kitchen.

DM is having oldest DS again tonight because I can only just about handle youngest DS whilst feeling like this. DH will get another lovely sleep and got a lovely day off today.

Baby has just guzzled the formula after screaming at my boobs all day. I feel useless.

Bright eyes I'm sorry you don't have any help nearby- that must be really tough. With my first I refused to ask for help, because I was scared of being labelled as a "bad" mum as I hadn't a clue what I was doing, and it ended up with me suffering from PND. This time around I vowed to ask for as much help as I needed, and I felt I really needed it these last two days.

Ok so he's attempted to explain himself.

He apologised for the miscommunication and he's very sorry he wasn't clear that he was going to work. He said his head wasn't clear and he wasn't thinking straight.

He hasn't apologised for the mean comments

Do you believe he went to work ? I don't.

OP he's a twat. Speaking to you likely hat anout breastfeeodng and your meal while you were crying is unforgivable.

We have a lot in common. My DD2 is 5 weeks old and we are struggling with feeding too. Yesterday was just AWFUL here feeding wise, she refused to latch at all and was just screaming at my boobs, I had to give formula and I felt dreadful but like you I could think of no other option. I had both kids for bedtime on my own. DD2 was screaming the place down and DD1 was still awake at 9pm because I hadn't managed to get them upstairs. I think there was something in the air yesterday!

Breastfeeding can be really bloody hard. You're ill and you have mastitis, that's a massive thing to deal with even without your DH's dickhead behaviour. Have you got bf support locally, are you going to groups or anything?

This probably won't mean anything from a stranger on the internet but you are doing a great job. You didn't crumble, you fed your baby when he needed it. Have an unmumsnetty hug from me.

I do think I believe him- he is weird at times. He doesn't have many friends and hardly ever socialises, I can't imagine him spending the day with mates? Would it be anything more sinister?

To a pp, yes I've seen a dr about the mastitis. Ended up with antibiotics from ooh dr. My temp was 39.5 until it finally broke at 2am this morning.

Cheby sounds like an utterly crap day for you

I wasn't trying to make out he was cheating OP just that maybe he selfishly took the day for himself and stayed out so he wouldn't need to help at home. I've had trouble breastfeeding at one point and it's hard. I came through it with baby and feed for over a year. Try and look after yourself and stay as calm as possible ( hard I know when tired and worried).

Thanks Sing. Today is a new day and has been better. I hope tomorrow will be for you too. Keep buggering on, eh?

Jeez, the bit about you crumbling is a cunts trick. Until he can grow a pair of boobs, successfully lactate and feed a baby, he can STFU with his snide comments!

Sounds like you've had a horrible day of it. I hope he steps up and today was just a ridiculous one off of him being a dick. Thank goodness you have your mum nearby..she sounds tops.

Oh love, you've obviously had a terrible day, not much to add other than

Maybe is was just a misunderstanding but it does sound odd and his comments when he got back were completely uncalled for

Glad you got some antibiotics Sing...mastitus is a bitch in itself let alone when turns bacterial/infectious. Seriously wiped me off my feet...would think DH would be more helpful to this as yes ill but nothing compared to you. It should of been you getting the sleep through the night instead of DH imo. Hope ABs kick in soon!!

This by previous poster is spot on!
"Until he can grow a pair of boobs, successfully lactate and feed a baby, he can STFU with his snide comments!"

Really think he should apologise for comments...yes maybe still little ill and not thinking straight...but could obviously see you were distressed

What a mega cunt. Mastitus is hell. What a dick... he best sort him self put you shouldn't be having to deal with someone like that. Am furious am your behalf

He sounds like a massive cunt and if he wasn't already kipping in the spare room I would've booted him in there and handed him the baby for the night.

I will wouldn't give him the extra room. The dick he is being I would kick him every time I wake up. He isn't going to work or looking after his older child he is a selfish dick.

Ah you poor thing my dh was notoriously useless when our dc were babies we argued extensively I questioned our marriage daily but he was never as bad as you're describing or as mean! I hope you haven't taken his comments about not breastfeeding to heart your the mum you know best and your sanity is important! Go see your mum for a couple of nights with the baby some space from him will do you good and perhaps jolt him into realising what he's doing and how nasty he's being?