To think if you're off work ill, then you don't bugger off out all day

[SingToMeInFrench]

DH and I are both ill. Cold virus thing that has floored us and I'm suffering from mastitis. We have 2 DS (4yr old and 5week old).

Last night, my DM had oldest DS as we were both poorly. Youngest DS is ebf, so I do all the night waking. DH slept in a different room and had a full night's sleep.

So today DH takes today off work (was off yesterday too) as he's ill. He says he's going for a drive around 10am (claims he has cabin fever)m and says he'll bring something back to eat. He's only just arrived home.

I've had a terrible time with DS - I've been texting him all day saying how he won't breastfeed/is screaming/won't sleep but I just get "hang in there" back.

In the 30minutes DS did sleep I managed to do some cleaning and washing, even though I'm feeling shit.

He arrived home and I'm giving DS a bottle of formula - I couldn't see any other option, he hadn't fed all day. DH says "great, you've crumbled. You just can't hack it". I'm crying saying I needed his support and he says I need to cope as he has a job. He then puts plates of takeaway in front of us and proceeds to eat. I'm still crying. He says "you going to eat that? We don't have money to waste" and takes it away and puts it in the kitchen.

DM is having oldest DS again tonight because I can only just about handle youngest DS whilst feeling like this. DH will get another lovely sleep and got a lovely day off today.

Baby has just guzzled the formula after screaming at my boobs all day. I feel useless.

Hes a bastard. A nasty self centred twat.

Do you believe he was at work? He doesn't have parents nearby who'd "look after him while he was ill" does he?

I'm sorry I don't believe him. I also think he's an absolute prick. Do not feel bad about the formula - fed is best and you saw that from baby eating.

I'm so so so so angry at him on your behalf

Frankly he is an arse. Given that he is not helping I would stop giving yourself a hard time and consider formula so that he has less excuse to piss about. It would also perhaps give you more time to rest.

"You need to cope because he has a job"
And what does he think you do all day. Go swimming drink champagne and eat strawberries covered in chocolate all day. Whilst watching rom coms. At least he gets a dinner and tea break

His mum is only 10minutes away. Could be a possibility. I wouldn't have even thought that until he's behaviour tonight.

I've been waiting in all day, thinking he'd been in soon to offer support/ get me a cuppa/ bring food and I could have gone to my DM's (she has my oldest all day on a Wednesday). It's been a fucking lonely day.

Tell your mum exactly what happened today when you drop DS off. Everything. She knows you both, see what her take on it is (spectacularly unimpressed, I'd say).

I've just run myself a bath, but I can just hear DS screaming

DM would be raging. Utterly fuming.

Definitely tell your mum.

I think he isn't telling the truth.

I would take the baby and go to your mums my love. It sounds like you would get the support there that you're not getting at home

Tell your mum! Could she come round?

Jesus Christ. This is awful. Hugs OP. Go to your mums with DS and get looked after for the night

So surely he hasn't been a model DH up until now then pulled this stunt out of nowhere? Is he generally a selfish prick?

his comment about you "crumbling" is utterly despicable. is this normal for his interactions with you? i'd be tempted to stay at dm's for a few days so you can get the support you need.

Does he want you to breastfeed so he can justifiably not help with feeds?

He's a dick.

I agree that he might not be telling the truth and would be tempted to make some excuse to call his mother and see if he was there. Perhaps say he has mislaid something and you wondered whether she had seen it.

Might work, might not.

Good luck. He sounds like a twat. I would be very unimpressed.

Oh, another one who thinks working = a get of the rest of life free pass. REALLY hope you're not turning your mat leave, if you're on it, into 1950s Housewife Leave.

I don't believe for a second he was at work. Bollocks.

I'd put the plug on the bath and leave him with the baby. Pack a bag up and tell him you're going for a drive. And then do it.

His behaviour sounds infuriating and very odd. YADNBU.

I've just taken DS.DH even had the audacity to look stressed whilst baby was screaming. Baby settled straight away on my chest and is falling asleep. Maybe DS can sense arsehole vibes?

My mum has a full house at the moment. There would be nowhere for us to sleep.

I'd feel terrible telling my mum (not because I care about slagging off DH to her) but because I asked her if she could have oldest DS again tonight, after having him last night and all day today. Granted, I asked her because I thought DH was still poorly and I was worrying about how we would cope. We have been so poorly that we haven't gotten out of bed-I thought a second night off from DS would help. I love the bones of oldest DS, but let's say he's "spirited" at the moment and doesn't really listen to me whenDH is around.

Now I feel guilty because I've shipped offDS again.I miss him.

STOP enabling him by taking the baby. It's his, too. He needs to learn to pull his fucking weight with his kids.

WIBU to suggest that you and baby go and stay with DM leaving DS1 with his father?

I have just remembered that when my DH was being useless (he has improved) when DC1 was a baby I went to my mum's for several weeks. DC wasn't feeding and I had mastitis like you and I just snapped and decided my health and my baby's was too important. Honestly, if your mum lives nearby and is helpful just go there OP.

'WIBU to suggest that you and baby go and stay with DM leaving DS1 with his father?'

She hasn't got room for them. And this 'father' needs to buck the hell up with his baby.

Yeah I probably am enabling him, but I couldn't listen to DS scream. He wasn't even holding him ffs. Just lying next to him on the bed.

He's just come down stairs and said "I'm sorry, I thought I told you I was going to work"

Me: "no you didn't. I've been waiting for you to get home. I could have gone to my mum's- but I told her we were both ill and asked her to have DS1 again. Now it looks like I've lied because you went to work"

Him: "I'm sorry but I thought I told you. People rely on me at work"

Me: I was relying on you to come back after your drive. You're obviously well enough to have DS1 because you went into work

Him: I'm still not well you know!