To think if you're off work ill, then you don't bugger off out all day

[SingToMeInFrench]

DH and I are both ill. Cold virus thing that has floored us and I'm suffering from mastitis. We have 2 DS (4yr old and 5week old).

Last night, my DM had oldest DS as we were both poorly. Youngest DS is ebf, so I do all the night waking. DH slept in a different room and had a full night's sleep.

So today DH takes today off work (was off yesterday too) as he's ill. He says he's going for a drive around 10am (claims he has cabin fever)m and says he'll bring something back to eat. He's only just arrived home.

I've had a terrible time with DS - I've been texting him all day saying how he won't breastfeed/is screaming/won't sleep but I just get "hang in there" back.

In the 30minutes DS did sleep I managed to do some cleaning and washing, even though I'm feeling shit.

He arrived home and I'm giving DS a bottle of formula - I couldn't see any other option, he hadn't fed all day. DH says "great, you've crumbled. You just can't hack it". I'm crying saying I needed his support and he says I need to cope as he has a job. He then puts plates of takeaway in front of us and proceeds to eat. I'm still crying. He says "you going to eat that? We don't have money to waste" and takes it away and puts it in the kitchen.

DM is having oldest DS again tonight because I can only just about handle youngest DS whilst feeling like this. DH will get another lovely sleep and got a lovely day off today.

Baby has just guzzled the formula after screaming at my boobs all day. I feel useless.

give him the baby tonight with bottle and problem solved.

If he asks why just tell him you can't hack it.

I remember my husband asking me once when he get home what had I been doing all day. I had 3 kids under 2 so I left for four days to let him find out. Never said it again!

I reckon he intended going for a drive, then realised HE couldn't hack it and went to work after all.
Now he's making you doubt yourself, saying he told you.
It's a shitty attitude and a shitty thing to say to you Op

husband has behaved badly, i agree. wanker.
BUT people have off days, when they are stressed, ill etc. OP has to take him on long term behaviour not a blip where he behaves like a twat.

maybe his 'you crumbled' comments were meant to be a bit funny/light hearted and came out badly.

And its perfectly reasonable to assume it didn't go down exactly as OP remembers. everything seems terrible when sleep deprived and ill. i drove on the wrong side of the road, threw my (iPhone against the wall (aiming for husbands head), forgot where i had parked, fell out with husband over reasons that seemed very rational at the time as what my stressed and emotional mind heard wasn't the same as it would have been in a calmer (non new baby) situation.

maybe just tell him you feel hurt by his comments/behaviour and work through it. try not to hold on. even if he was at him mums maybe he had a mini (and somewhat pathetic) breakdown.
i do feel for you OP.

Enjoy your bath. Mastitis is a bitch. Far worse than a cold. It was the fever that broke me. You're doing amazing and it will get easier. Did your DH. He's being an arse.

Give the baby to him as Myheart says but don't say you can't hack it, say 'Time for you to man up'. If he moans he's still ill, tell him tough, you've managed all day and he will have to now. This is his inadequacy, not yours.

Sod, even

What the HELL? This is very weird and he's a fucking idiot. I'd be tempted to hand him the baby and go for a drive of my own too!! Prick.

I would quite seriously murder DH if he did that. Especially the comment input the formula.

OP when I has mastitis with DS2 I found it difficult to feed him and resorted to bottles. I kept expressing the milk though, i'm sure when you are better you will be able to breastfeed again.

I'd be questioning his whereabouts to be honest.

As for the 'you can't hack it' comment: he's utterly despicable saying such a thing.

Your DH doesn't sound much help at all. But then you are very lucky being able to palm off your DC if your feeling shit.

Having had two DC's 13 months apart with no family support and DH working long hours regardless of however shit I felt even after recovering from surgery and serious illness I have still had to just manage on my own with the DC and survive as best as we could getting through the day in one piece.

Missing the point, much, Brighteyes?? 🙄

And 'palm off'? FFS.

Sing just wondering if you'd seen GP for your mastitus? Cold virus symptons... mastitus with fever and generally unwell can normally mean infection...i had during one episode where required lots of Antibiotics to clear it....never felt so ill before. Hope it clears up soon!! And you have definitely not "crumbled" Sing EBF can be difficult esp during mastitus...hope settles soon!

As for DH...bit of an arse..I would of been rather annoyed if he said he was staying off as still unwell..hoping for a little support after the little sleep you've had. Hope you manage a decent sleep tonight

Is this not what they call gas lighting? I might be wrong but dreadful behaviour.

He would be under the patio. What an A Grade Wanker.

Tonight, give him DS2, and go to bed. Go into DS1's bed if necessary.

If he says he has to work tomorrow, say 'Yes, like millions of other people with children. Good night'. Do not give in.

Bright eyes. Palm off?
No. Asking a family member to help. It isn't a competition about who has it worst and don't be a martyr. It doesn't make you a better mother because you don't have help.

Ditto what Annie said, he can manage the baby tonight whilst you sleep.

Earplugs in, in DS1s room. Or even better; go to your mums.

What a fucking selfish dickhead!

Brighteyes your medal is in the post. Any advice for OP in the situation she's in now though?

I wouldn't particularly question his whereabouts tbh.

He's probably just taking his time coming home, to avoid parenting.

And he's still sick, you know

'I remember my husband asking me once when he get home what had I been doing all day. I had 3 kids under 2 so I left for four days to let him find out. Never said it again!'

My kind of woman!

Helpful Brightened

Brighteyes - new phone is an autocorrecting pain.

Slow hand clap for @brighteyes

Where do you live? I want to come and kick your DH up the arse. I think I would have kicked him out. How dare he leave you to it when he knows you're ill and then claim our love crumbled? What does he call abandoning you all to go for a drive? Do you have that luxury? Wow reading this has made me so angry.