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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to never have DP's friend of 30 years in our house ever again after this behaviour?

260 replies

JasmineBuckles · 09/05/2017 16:54

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. DP is 15 years older than me, DP's friend is 20 ish years older than me. For the sake of brevity I'll call him Bob.

We have a thing where we alternate going to each other's house for dinner each month, which has previously been fine as although I get the feeling that Bob can be a bit dismissive of my opinions, his wife is really lovely and very funny so we generally have a nice time.

Last time we had them round to ours a day out involving gin was suggested.

On Saturday we went out for our afternoon of gin. It finished around 5pm and we were a bit tipsy, so we thought we'd go for early dinner.

Finding a table for 4 anywhere decent on a Saturday evening in our city is a challenge, so we rang round a few places and finally got a 6pm table somewhere not super posh but nice.

During this process Bob nips to the loo, and is quite put out that he has not had final say on the booking, and declares he is not hungry.

We all say that as we last ate at 10am, we will be starving by 6/6.30 plus we are a bit drunk.

He begrudgingly comes to the restaurant, sits down and immediately complains that it's too dark, the seats are not comfy and the girl who brought our drinks is fat (!).

Starter comes and mine is gorgeous, he gets waitress over to complain that his is not what he ordered as there is an ingredient in it that he wasn't expecting. Waitress is very polite and shows him where it says on the menu that the dish includes this.

Then the mains come. Ours are all gorgeous, but bigger than we were expecting. He stirs his around his plate til it's all mushed up like a toddler, calls the waitress back and tells her he "can't eat that, it's disgusting."

Waitress asks if she can swap it for something else, he just says, "no, just take it away."

The bill comes. He asks his wife for a pen and starts circling the things he's not paying for, including his wife's chips as she hasn't eaten them.

He then calls his wife a fucking hypocrite for saying she liked her dinner she just couldn't finish it.

I say, in a calm way, that he really shouldn't speak to her like that. I found out later from the wife that as I turn away he mouths "stupid fucking bitch" at me.

My DP hates any picking at the bill in restaurants, so offers just to pay for everyone. Bob isn't happy with this either, he wants to have a strop about the food. His wife gets her card out and offers to pay. He won't let her. The waitress is standing there not knowing what to do.

I have an outdoor, low paid job (this is relevant) and by this point I am monumentally pissed off, so I say, still quietly and calmly, "shall I just pay the bill, because I'd rather stand outside in the pissing rain for 14 hours and earn the money than sit here and listen to you for one more minute."

At this point the poor waitress asks what she should do, and he says:

You'll do as you're fucking well told

Waitress goes off crying, the manager comes folllowed by a bouncer, Bob pays the entire bill by himself and flounces off, leaving his wife sat at the table.

DP thinks we should just put it down to drink and keep having them over. WIBU to say no, never again?

OP posts:
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 09/05/2017 17:28

Oh and for all those posters trying to excuse him by saying "well, he was drunk" etc.

Even the Romans thousands ofnyears ago had a saying for this...never more apt than at this moment....
"In Vino Veritas"
"In Wine Truth"

He has shown you what he is really like.

MickeyRooney · 09/05/2017 17:31

Nope.
He'd not be welcome at mine any more.
Your DP needs a better filter when choosing friends.

Trb17 · 09/05/2017 17:31

Bobs a knob. Without a bloody good apology to you all I'd never have anything to do with the prick again.

PerspicaciaTick · 09/05/2017 17:32

Avoid Bob, but try and make time for his wife. It sounds like she needs a friend.

Floggingmolly · 09/05/2017 17:32

Bob is a piece of shit. I'd avoid like you would any other type of shit. What was your DH's take on it?
Btw, why would his wife later inform you that he mouthed "stupid fucking bitch" at you when your back was turned? I wonder what her motive was there...

P1nkP0ppy · 09/05/2017 17:34

Bloody ignorant arse.
I'd refuse to have anything to do with him again, keep in touch with his wife and tell DH he can see him without you if he must.
Being drunk is no excuse for being a foul-mouthed, abusive git.

Reow · 09/05/2017 17:35

He would never be welcome in my house again, based on how he behaved to the waitress alone.

I'd also be disappointed in my husband if he condoned this behaviour by simply waving it off.

His poor wife.

Inertia · 09/05/2017 17:35

I would refuse to see Bob ever again.

I'd keep lines of communication open with his wife, because I suspect she's subjected to the same sort of behaviour in private.

GrumpyOldBag · 09/05/2017 17:35

Bob should apologise.

If he does not get that, he's not worth your time.

JigglyTuff · 09/05/2017 17:35

1) Alcohol doesn't turn decent people into cunts. If apparently decent people start acting like cunts when they are drunk then they are cunts who are pretending not to be when sober.

2) You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat waiters/waitresses/bar staff etc.

This. Bill is an utter cunt. He's just good at hiding it normally

Pumpkintopf · 09/05/2017 17:36

Your DH should be supporting you in this-no way he should want to socialise with someone who hurled insults at people including you!!

Has Bob apologised for his behaviour???

HappyFlappy · 09/05/2017 17:38

If apparently decent people start acting like cunts when they are drunk then they are cunts who are pretending not to be when sober.

Dead right, Gallavitch

Alcohol gets rid of inhibitions - you don't become a different person - you just reveal your true self. Bob just became more Bob-like.

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 09/05/2017 17:38

He sounds ghastly

TroysMammy · 09/05/2017 17:40

I wouldn't give Bob a second chance his behaviour was atrocious. I wouldn't care if it was the first time as it would be the last. You would be expecting twattish behaviour every time you go out and you wouldn't enjoy yourself.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/05/2017 17:40

Bob is a nasty piece of work, I would not want to see him again. His poor wife 😧

NeedATrim · 09/05/2017 17:42

I hope his wife was ok when back at home. He was a nasty piece of work in public with drink in him, in the house there's every possibility he's worse.
Has the wife confided in you, OP in any way?

Assburgers · 09/05/2017 17:42

I really hope you come back & tell us you left a massive tip for the waitress.

CrowRoad · 09/05/2017 17:43

Disgusting behaviour.

Nothing can excuse what he said to the waitress and behind your back.

If he apologised, I would accept it, but still never deliberately socialise with him again.

I feel very sorry for his wife.

Gabilan · 09/05/2017 17:44

I bet it was the booze

In vino veritas. This is the real him when he's disinhibited and doesn't feel he has to stick to normal social boundaries. So he's rude to all the women around him including calling someone fat. He made the waitress cry and his behaviour was so bad that the bouncers came over. When oddly enough he managed to behave.

I don't care if it's once in 30 years. Once is enough. I'd avoid him.

HappyFlappy · 09/05/2017 17:46

They do say that when someone tells you what they are like, you should believe them. Bob has come across loud and clear!

That poor girl.

And his poor wife.

Assburgers · 09/05/2017 17:47

Oh & regarding you calling him out on how he spoke to his wife:

This happened to me (I was the girlfriend of a man like Bob) & it was only when someone expressed outrage at how I was being spoken to that I realised that it wasn't normal. Or acceptable.

It didn't make a blind bit of difference to how he spoke to me, but it did get me thinking and I split up with him not long afterwards.

I am grateful to them - a total stranger who I will never get to thank. So well done 👍🏼

Nicemil1 · 09/05/2017 17:48

I totally agree with the alcohol showing your true self. He's vile.

Honeybee79 · 09/05/2017 17:49

Fucking hell! You can tell a lot about someone from the way they treat waitresses and people who work in retail etc and Bob has revealed himself to be a horrible little turd. Drink is no excuse. I wouldn't socialise with him again.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 09/05/2017 17:51

Hell no I'd never see Bob again! What a wankstain.

Good for you for speaking up. Shame your DP didn't. What does he say about all this?

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/05/2017 17:53

Alcohol is no excuse. I'd not want anything more to do with him and would offer the wife my full support if she needed someone to talk to.

Shitbag.

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