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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to never have DP's friend of 30 years in our house ever again after this behaviour?

260 replies

JasmineBuckles · 09/05/2017 16:54

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. DP is 15 years older than me, DP's friend is 20 ish years older than me. For the sake of brevity I'll call him Bob.

We have a thing where we alternate going to each other's house for dinner each month, which has previously been fine as although I get the feeling that Bob can be a bit dismissive of my opinions, his wife is really lovely and very funny so we generally have a nice time.

Last time we had them round to ours a day out involving gin was suggested.

On Saturday we went out for our afternoon of gin. It finished around 5pm and we were a bit tipsy, so we thought we'd go for early dinner.

Finding a table for 4 anywhere decent on a Saturday evening in our city is a challenge, so we rang round a few places and finally got a 6pm table somewhere not super posh but nice.

During this process Bob nips to the loo, and is quite put out that he has not had final say on the booking, and declares he is not hungry.

We all say that as we last ate at 10am, we will be starving by 6/6.30 plus we are a bit drunk.

He begrudgingly comes to the restaurant, sits down and immediately complains that it's too dark, the seats are not comfy and the girl who brought our drinks is fat (!).

Starter comes and mine is gorgeous, he gets waitress over to complain that his is not what he ordered as there is an ingredient in it that he wasn't expecting. Waitress is very polite and shows him where it says on the menu that the dish includes this.

Then the mains come. Ours are all gorgeous, but bigger than we were expecting. He stirs his around his plate til it's all mushed up like a toddler, calls the waitress back and tells her he "can't eat that, it's disgusting."

Waitress asks if she can swap it for something else, he just says, "no, just take it away."

The bill comes. He asks his wife for a pen and starts circling the things he's not paying for, including his wife's chips as she hasn't eaten them.

He then calls his wife a fucking hypocrite for saying she liked her dinner she just couldn't finish it.

I say, in a calm way, that he really shouldn't speak to her like that. I found out later from the wife that as I turn away he mouths "stupid fucking bitch" at me.

My DP hates any picking at the bill in restaurants, so offers just to pay for everyone. Bob isn't happy with this either, he wants to have a strop about the food. His wife gets her card out and offers to pay. He won't let her. The waitress is standing there not knowing what to do.

I have an outdoor, low paid job (this is relevant) and by this point I am monumentally pissed off, so I say, still quietly and calmly, "shall I just pay the bill, because I'd rather stand outside in the pissing rain for 14 hours and earn the money than sit here and listen to you for one more minute."

At this point the poor waitress asks what she should do, and he says:

You'll do as you're fucking well told

Waitress goes off crying, the manager comes folllowed by a bouncer, Bob pays the entire bill by himself and flounces off, leaving his wife sat at the table.

DP thinks we should just put it down to drink and keep having them over. WIBU to say no, never again?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2017 17:17

So this happened on Saturday? And you haven't had an apology yet? Anyone worth their salt would at least apologise and try and salvage the friendship. The fact that he hasn't speaks volumes.

Madasahattersteaparty123 · 09/05/2017 17:17

Does he normally drink Gin? The reason I ask is I have 2 friends that can't drink it one gets really depressed cue crying continuously and the other aggressive.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/05/2017 17:18

Bully not bull

SquatBetty · 09/05/2017 17:18

Fuck the drink excuse. Bob is clearly a cunt when sober and being drunk just exacerbated his cuntiness. Your DH could just see him on his own somewhere away from your house but personally I'd have nothing more to do with Bob. I'd try to stay friends with his wife though.

virtualinsanity · 09/05/2017 17:19

He'd never be welcome in my house again and I wouldn't be attending any future events just with him and wife. I would expect DH to make his own decision (although if someone treated me like that I have little doubt he'd also cut them off). I would if at possible try to keep in touch with his wife, the poor woman.

floraeasy · 09/05/2017 17:19

I bet he wasn't so tough when the burly bouncers came over

Exactly! I agree.

If he was totally controlled by the drink, he'd have behaved the same to everyone. Interestingly, though, he only really laid into the women and not any of the guys. He knew what he was doing - tipsy or not!

IloveBanff · 09/05/2017 17:19

Did anyone in your party apologise to the waitress, OP? She should also have been given a big tip.

IloveBanff · 09/05/2017 17:20

Forget to say that I would want nothing further to do with him.

mumgointhroughtorture · 09/05/2017 17:20

He sounds very manipulative. Because he didn't get to choose the place you ate he made you all suffer... abusive at best I bet his wife has a lovely life ( ?!)

I would avoid in future especially if he's going to abuse you .

happypoobum · 09/05/2017 17:21

Never Again. YANBU

If DH wants to see this wankbadger let him crack on but I don't see you should have to suffer.

I would also try to keep in contact with his wife, sounds like she might need a friend.

Agree with PP - I do hope something was done for the poor waitress? As you didn't have to pay for your meal maybe you could run to taking her a bunch of flowers?

Autumnchill · 09/05/2017 17:21

This happened Saturday, if Bob hadn't rung and apologised by lunch Sunday, I wouldn't be making arrangements again as a foursome but definitely meet the wife for coffee or meal out.

DeleteOrDecay · 09/05/2017 17:22

and the girl who brought our drinks is fat

ShockMy jaw hit the floor at this. What a monumental arse.

I would at the very least expect him to apologise for his behaviour that evening. How humiliating for you all, including the waitress.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 09/05/2017 17:22

If my DH had a friend who called me a fucking bitch, he'd be demanding an apology from them and then probably would have very little to do with them ever again.

Smallangryplanet · 09/05/2017 17:22

Don't see Nob again

boovoo · 09/05/2017 17:22

Nah. See the wife on your own.

1bighappyfamily · 09/05/2017 17:22

Bin Bob. And advise his wife to do likewise

honeysucklejasmine · 09/05/2017 17:23

If you've not had a very sincere apology by now, it's not coming. Ditch him.

EnidButton · 09/05/2017 17:23

I actually do think alcohol can turn normally nice people into arses but I don't think that's what happened here. Even if it did, I assume Bob isn't 18 so by now would know if drink turned him into a fucking idiot and would therefore avoid it.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 09/05/2017 17:24

His poor wifeAngry

OfficerVanHalen · 09/05/2017 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/05/2017 17:25

YANBU - I'd never want to be near him again either. Your DP can go and play nicely with "Bob" without you in future - and maybe you and Bob's wife should have a "girls' night" instead.

XiCi · 09/05/2017 17:26

I wouldn't want to go out with him again after that. Has he apologised to you for his behaviour? I think if I'd behaved appallingly when pissed I'd be straight on the phone begging forgiveness the next day.

Surely if you are good friends you will have seen evidence that he is such a tosser before? How long have you known him?

Butteredparsnip1ps · 09/05/2017 17:27

Big part of the story is missing here

Did he a) call the next day and make a full and abject apology and grovel. Or b) do and say nothing

And c) Did he apologise to the waitress?.

Jaxhog · 09/05/2017 17:28

For goodness sake, this is once in 30 years!

It was pretty terrible, but unless he makes a habit of this, I would give him another chance.

XiCi · 09/05/2017 17:28

Just seen that your DH has known him for 30 years. There must be many many more instances of him being a knobber, surely.