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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to never have DP's friend of 30 years in our house ever again after this behaviour?

260 replies

JasmineBuckles · 09/05/2017 16:54

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. DP is 15 years older than me, DP's friend is 20 ish years older than me. For the sake of brevity I'll call him Bob.

We have a thing where we alternate going to each other's house for dinner each month, which has previously been fine as although I get the feeling that Bob can be a bit dismissive of my opinions, his wife is really lovely and very funny so we generally have a nice time.

Last time we had them round to ours a day out involving gin was suggested.

On Saturday we went out for our afternoon of gin. It finished around 5pm and we were a bit tipsy, so we thought we'd go for early dinner.

Finding a table for 4 anywhere decent on a Saturday evening in our city is a challenge, so we rang round a few places and finally got a 6pm table somewhere not super posh but nice.

During this process Bob nips to the loo, and is quite put out that he has not had final say on the booking, and declares he is not hungry.

We all say that as we last ate at 10am, we will be starving by 6/6.30 plus we are a bit drunk.

He begrudgingly comes to the restaurant, sits down and immediately complains that it's too dark, the seats are not comfy and the girl who brought our drinks is fat (!).

Starter comes and mine is gorgeous, he gets waitress over to complain that his is not what he ordered as there is an ingredient in it that he wasn't expecting. Waitress is very polite and shows him where it says on the menu that the dish includes this.

Then the mains come. Ours are all gorgeous, but bigger than we were expecting. He stirs his around his plate til it's all mushed up like a toddler, calls the waitress back and tells her he "can't eat that, it's disgusting."

Waitress asks if she can swap it for something else, he just says, "no, just take it away."

The bill comes. He asks his wife for a pen and starts circling the things he's not paying for, including his wife's chips as she hasn't eaten them.

He then calls his wife a fucking hypocrite for saying she liked her dinner she just couldn't finish it.

I say, in a calm way, that he really shouldn't speak to her like that. I found out later from the wife that as I turn away he mouths "stupid fucking bitch" at me.

My DP hates any picking at the bill in restaurants, so offers just to pay for everyone. Bob isn't happy with this either, he wants to have a strop about the food. His wife gets her card out and offers to pay. He won't let her. The waitress is standing there not knowing what to do.

I have an outdoor, low paid job (this is relevant) and by this point I am monumentally pissed off, so I say, still quietly and calmly, "shall I just pay the bill, because I'd rather stand outside in the pissing rain for 14 hours and earn the money than sit here and listen to you for one more minute."

At this point the poor waitress asks what she should do, and he says:

You'll do as you're fucking well told

Waitress goes off crying, the manager comes folllowed by a bouncer, Bob pays the entire bill by himself and flounces off, leaving his wife sat at the table.

DP thinks we should just put it down to drink and keep having them over. WIBU to say no, never again?

OP posts:
MuseumGardens · 09/05/2017 16:57

Shock What an awful person. I wouldn't want to ever see someone like that again.

Undercoverbanana · 09/05/2017 16:58

Never again, for me.

peppatax · 09/05/2017 16:58

Bob is totally unhinged. His poor wife.

Offyougo · 09/05/2017 16:59

If its been fine until now I would put it down to being drunk. IMO tho you shouldn't have commented on the way he talks to his wife as that's not really someone else's business and if it was me I would be pissed at someone behaving like I needed someone to stand up for me to my husband.

YokoReturns · 09/05/2017 16:59

Never see Bob again. See his wife for coffee, just the two of you.

Is this the first time he's behaved badly?

Hoppinggreen · 09/05/2017 17:00

I could probably have put up with his twattery towards me but making the Waitress cry would be one step too far.
I would avoid him in the future

QuiteLikely5 · 09/05/2017 17:00

I feel sorry for his wife! Imagine what he is like to her behind closed doors!!

EnidButton · 09/05/2017 17:00

Bob's a monumental cock.

PatMullins · 09/05/2017 17:01

Do you really need to ask?!

justkeepswimmingg · 09/05/2017 17:01

That would be the end of that friendship for me. Hopefully you can still see his wife, without having to see him at the same time.

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 09/05/2017 17:01

I'd be giving him a wide berth but I'd try to remain friends with his wife

DeriArms · 09/05/2017 17:01

Bob sounds like a monumental cunt and I'd never want to see the twat again. It's not your responsibility and you shouldn't feel pressured into maintaining any relationship you don't want, but the wife sounds lovely and like a nice friend - I'd want to keep the door open to her, if only because she sounds like she's bloody going to need it.

MadamePomfrey · 09/05/2017 17:02

Bobs a vile arsehole I wouldn't want to spend another evening with him!! I would try and keep in contact with his poor wife though

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 09/05/2017 17:02

You spelt Nob wrong. He sounds awful! Is certainul avoid seeing him again if I was you.

tickleyourfancyyourself · 09/05/2017 17:02

I bet it was the booze.
He'll sober up and be utterly ashamed of his behaviour and need to do an awful lot of apologising,
Poor wife.

ArthurShelbysTash · 09/05/2017 17:02

Isn't he a fucking delight?

I think you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat waiters/waitresses/bar staff etc.

Bob is a twat. Meet Bob's wife on her own.

LimpidPools · 09/05/2017 17:02

I would never want to see Bob again. I'd be sad I couldn't see his wife again any more though. (Cos I bet you couldn't.)

That's not "just being drunk" that's his internal monologue All The Time.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 09/05/2017 17:02

Certainly!

Gallavich · 09/05/2017 17:03

IMO tho you shouldn't have commented on the way he talks to his wife as that's not really someone else's business

Are you fucking insane?

WitchDancer · 09/05/2017 17:03

His behaviour was inexcusably, but was it the gin? It can turn some people really nasty, my exdh included

Allabitmuchisntit · 09/05/2017 17:03

Just here to say good on you for calling him out on the way he spoke to his wife!

FiveShelties · 09/05/2017 17:03

It could have been the drink, but I would always be wondering if he would do it again. What a dreadful time you must have had, his poor wife

usefultoken · 09/05/2017 17:04

It sounds awful but it also sounds like it may have been a too drunk on an empty stomach thing. I think what he does next would decide it for me, if he apologises and is genuinely mortified then I'd continue the friendship. If not then no. I have seen people act very out of character on tequila, maybe too much gin can do the same?

Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2017 17:04

No, definitely no more socialising with him. Your DP can see him without you, you can see his wife without him. Life's too short to waste time in the company of people like Bob. And don't feel bad for letting people know why you won't spend time with him in future. You've done nothing wrong.

Gallavich · 09/05/2017 17:05

Alcohol doesn't turn decent people into cunts. If apparently decent people start acting like cunts when they are drunk then they are cunts who are pretending not to be when sober.

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