AIBU talk be down off this in-laws related ledge

[BeverlyGoldberg]

I know AIBU but hear me out.

Further to my MIL post last week, SIL is now being a PITA.

She is coming to DD's christening at the end of the month but her H is not and the excuse they gave was that he was having a second stab do (they got married in February) at his golf club. Apparently he had checked if it could be moved and it couldn't so, with regret, he can't come. Fine.

Until... up pops on Facebook last night, photos of him with the caption "second stag do at the golf club". She posted them, knowing I'm her friend, as he is not on Facebook.

I'm poised with a PA comment of "oh so the event COULD be moved, shall I book one more place at the Christening or do you want some time to think of another excuse?".

I mentioned it to DH (it's his sister) and he just said "maybe he's having loads of stag parties". But unlikely tho isn't it, that he'd have more than one with the same group of friends when he's already been married three months.

Please talk me down off this ledge because I'm pretty close to brining down a shit storm.

It's not SiL's fault her DH doesn't want to go to the christening. She's probably embarrassed by his rudeness. Don't have a go at her, she's going.

I am sorry to say but yes you are being very unreasonable to bring down a shot storm because your sil'a h won't come to a christening

Shit not shot storm

Ok thanks. I know I am. I'm just hurt that they've lied to us and then posted it on Facebook

It's a Christening important to you probably boaring as shit to your BIL. The fact your close to 'bringing down a shit storm' over it totally ecplains why theu have lied rather than just saying he cannt come.

A lot of people don't feel comfortable attending religious services if they're not religious
Your poor sil, let her be !

Perhaps phrase it differently? "Oh fab, he managed to move it! So glad he'll be able to come to Dad's christening after all, looking forward to seeing you both then!".

Would you prefer if they said 'sorry we find christenings boring and don't want to' ? As if you do anything about this, that might be the bottom line.

Have a lovely day without them. Congrats on the christening.

Why do you think they lied to you?
If it's because they are horrible people then just shrug and move on
If it's because your christening party is going to be boring/inconvenient/whatever for them then remember that an invitation is not a summons and appreciate that they tried to save embarrassment by making up an excuse.
Ultimately it doesn't mater and is not worth causing a scene over

Maybe he's not religious so doesn't want to go to church but is worried about the shit storm if they tell the truth. As long as you, the baby and godparents are there what does it matter?

Embarrassed by his rudeness?! She's the one who posted the photos!
I wouldn't be as snippy in the text - just say "Has BIL had his golf club stag do then? I saw the pics. Does this mean he'll be coming to the christening?"

Who has a stag do months after the wedding anyway? Surely that's just a night out.

Why is it important that he comes?

Christenings are not that important to a lot of people. To many it's just yet another shindig.

He doesn't fancy it, so what?

You've invited him, he's declined.

I get that you feel it's a snub to be lied to, but wouldn't you rather people came who wanted to be with you? If your sil is going, she'll be the one answering the "where's bil?" Questions.

Maybe he doesn't want to go to the christening. They could be a little more discreet with their lying though.

If I'm honest I can't bear going to christenings, particularly since the majority (if not all) that I have been to have been for parents who aren't remotely religious (no offence if you are). So I can sympathise with your SIL's H for not wanting to come.

Your SIL is coming and attendance shouldn't be compulsory so YABU

It's a shame BIL doesn't want to come to the christening but SIL is coming and it's not her fault he won't come.
She's was probably trying to spare you feelings by making an excuse. The trouble with lies however is that you have to remember them and she has clearly forgotten what she said to you.
Let it go and enjoy the day with the family who do want to attend.

If you all are v v religious I can understand your upset, if not, you're just being a drama llama.

I think you have to consider why they lied to you?

I'm not going to any more christenings after the last debacle. Whether I tell the truth or not will depend on the reaction I'm likely to get.

Are you/SIL/BIL regular church goers?

Last debacle? Intriguing!

You know sil is likely to be mortified at his behaviour? Don't make it worse for her by calling her out on it. If you must make a point then do it directly to him next time you see him. I used to be delighted if my stbx- bil made up a shit excuse not to come to family things

What difference does it make whether they're church goers? if the priest is happy it's no one else's business

I'd understand this upset if you had asked them to be God -parents. But this is just your husbands sisters husband making up an excuse for why he can't be arsed to attend his sisters brothers child's christening. Lots of people make up excuses when they don't want to attend an event, it's generally considered more polite than saying 'I can't be arsed/Christenings are boring/God doesn't exist'.

Are you all particularly religious?

So what if he doesn't come? Really, let it go.

sisters brothers child's christening.

Wife's brother's child's christening, surely?

I disagree with christenings for babies so I wouldn't attend either. I probably would make up some excuse but ultimately I wouldn't care that much if you were offended that I didn't come.

Maybe the christening isn't important to him. Like someone else said as long as you the baby and the godparents are there!