AIBU talk be down off this in-laws related ledge

[BeverlyGoldberg]

I know AIBU but hear me out.

Further to my MIL post last week, SIL is now being a PITA.

She is coming to DD's christening at the end of the month but her H is not and the excuse they gave was that he was having a second stab do (they got married in February) at his golf club. Apparently he had checked if it could be moved and it couldn't so, with regret, he can't come. Fine.

Until... up pops on Facebook last night, photos of him with the caption "second stag do at the golf club". She posted them, knowing I'm her friend, as he is not on Facebook.

I'm poised with a PA comment of "oh so the event COULD be moved, shall I book one more place at the Christening or do you want some time to think of another excuse?".

I mentioned it to DH (it's his sister) and he just said "maybe he's having loads of stag parties". But unlikely tho isn't it, that he'd have more than one with the same group of friends when he's already been married three months.

Please talk me down off this ledge because I'm pretty close to brining down a shit storm.

You are wasting your time and effort OP, I think you are a drama llama frankly. Does in really matter in the least if this one person doesn't come? As many others have said many times, it is an invitation, not a summons!

And why is SIL getting the blame for being arse when a grown man makes his own decision about not attending?

I would have said... cool glad all worked out well will see yous at the christening 👍🏻

I'd expect my BIL SIL at the christening let's face it it's not something we love but it's a family thing and everybody should have to put with it haha

This is about you and wanting your own way, he doesn't want to come, and told you a white lie as he didn't want to hurt your feelings, It's done the only person who will be hurt if you continue this is you, because you will become a mumzilla and then he won't want to go to anything else you do because casued such a fuss. Laugh with you SIL thank her for coming and send him some cake.
Oh and she will moan about you to your MIL and then someone else will moan and you will become the one who complains.

Become the one with the humour, and let it be the in joke that the men in the family have a code of going on a stage when they want to avoid something.

If it was like family then YANBU, depends how close you are as a family. Do you regularly get together/place importance on other family events?
Now the stag do has been moved, I would just courteously mention that you can book a place/Bil is more than welcome, understand if he is busy and hopefully see him soon.
Sis knows you have seen the stag do pictures and that is enough, don't waste your time in a PA back and forth...not worth it! Spend the time planning the Christening. Seems your DH is trying not to escalate the situation, just stick with that attitude...I know it must be frustrating but you can't teach a pig to sing, Sil/Mil won't change, you get frustrated and the pig still won't sing! Hope the Christening goes well 💐

*like MY family

I think you'll find that there are lots of different christian religions

And I think that you will find that you are wrong.

Christianity is a religion. It is based on the belief that Jesus is the son of God.

There a countless sects/denominations within that one religion but they still come under the umbrella of Christianity.

If he's that much of a shit, why would you want him at the christening? I wouldn't.

Don't be a dingbat, of course I'm not wrong. Catholicism is not the same religion as the Latter Day Saints, to name just one of several thousand examples.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I know I was BU in wanting to post something PA but you have given me the kick up the arse I needed and I haven't. Instead I posted "looks fab, I hope he had a great time". So she knows I've seen it but I haven't been nasty. I really like the suggestion of making a joke out of it so that's what I'll be doing if it gets mentioned. Now I've calmed down I don't intend to be the one to bring it up.

For those who called me a drama lama, you're right I was being exactly. I created this post not long after I'd seen it and I was really angry they'd been so blatant in the lie.

I never wanted this to be a religious debate. It's more the fact that they were both invited to a family event, lied about why he couldn't go and then posted about it on Facebook. Regardless of whether it's a religious event or a birthday party, or the annual viewing of our wedding DVD (joking!), I would have expected them to behave better. It's poor form.

I don't even mind a white lie, just don't be daft enough to then post about it on Facebook.

Anyway thanks all again. I needed a kick up the arse. I shall be a grown up about it (straight after I've rubbed his birthday card in DD's pissy nappy - again joking!)

user1493022461

You are very wrong.

But I cannot be arsed to argue with stupid

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christian_denominations

Don't blame sil as she is trying to keep. The peace and making excused for him. Basically he doesn't want to go. Christenings are really really boring and it's obvious he just doesn't want to be part of it

Does it really matter if he is there?
He's obviously not a god parent so as long as you, the baby and the god parents can make it then you don't have a big problem on your hands.

Bev, I think your amazing, posting on here was best, as you got to vent, read what everyone thinks and move on without even causing family trouble..

Hope your day is so good the sod wishes he had accepted instead, xx

Ha ha thanks. That's why MN is great. You might get told you're being a dick, but more often than not its deserved. I was being a dick, BUT I was very hurt by the dishonest and being so wankerish putting it on FB.

It's going to be a lovely day. Yes, christenings can be a bore fest but I've got a really lovely pub lined in with a buffet afterwards and who doesn't love a good buffet?

I mean I'd dance with the devil for a cheese and pickle hedgehog.

I'm really not. And a wiki link is hardly any use to anyone!

Ask a Jehovahs Witness and a Catholic if they are the same religion, dar you.
And when they tell you no, show them your lovely wiki list!

FFS.

Like I said, you cant argue with stupid. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

It's honestly not about religion.

If DD tells me she doesn't want to be involved when she's older I won't mind a bit.

I've had an on/off relationship with the church over the years but that's a can of worms for another day.

You'd know, clearly.

I would explain to you how wrong you are but since wiki lists is your level I can't be arsed. I'd have to get my short words dictionary out, far too much effort.

Good for you OP, coming back and saying that you were BU. Hope you have a lovely day!

I know you've said you were BU OP but I completely see why you were annoyed. It's irrelevant if it's religious and whether he'd find it interesting. It's a family event and his wife is godparent, and it's your DD. plenty of people don't feel like going to family events but some of the time you should whether you like it or not. Or at least not make up lies then out yourself.

Maybe he is now intending on coming as the stag date has changed & they've just not told you!!

I'm with you here as I was in a similar situation. My SIL (usually known as the evil one) pestered and pestered us for a date for our daughters christening and then 'forgot' about it and booked a holiday she couldn't get out of (although she did half heartedly try).
I was furious even though I don't get on with her and sad for my husband even though he doesn't particularly like her either and was even more incensed when on the day she facetimed her parents during the reception after but didn't ask to speak to husband or see our daughter at all. It was like we just needed to be reminded she wasn't there.

So I understand how annoyed you are but it's his loss and it'll be your SIL that is having to deal with the where's husband questions not you. I'd just relax and enjoy the special day with your husband and child and know that the people who do care out their personal feelings aside to celebrate the new life you've brought into the world. I hope you have a wonderful day x