AIBU talk be down off this in-laws related ledge

[BeverlyGoldberg]

I know AIBU but hear me out.

Further to my MIL post last week, SIL is now being a PITA.

She is coming to DD's christening at the end of the month but her H is not and the excuse they gave was that he was having a second stab do (they got married in February) at his golf club. Apparently he had checked if it could be moved and it couldn't so, with regret, he can't come. Fine.

Until... up pops on Facebook last night, photos of him with the caption "second stag do at the golf club". She posted them, knowing I'm her friend, as he is not on Facebook.

I'm poised with a PA comment of "oh so the event COULD be moved, shall I book one more place at the Christening or do you want some time to think of another excuse?".

I mentioned it to DH (it's his sister) and he just said "maybe he's having loads of stag parties". But unlikely tho isn't it, that he'd have more than one with the same group of friends when he's already been married three months.

Please talk me down off this ledge because I'm pretty close to brining down a shit storm.

Wow! Judgemental crowd here! So what if you personally don't agree with a baby being baptised? It's not your decision. Why wouldn't you go to show support for your friend or family member and to welcome their new baby? Are they not that important to you?
Personally I don't agree with weddings in hotels, but I still go because I'm happy for my friends and want to celebrate with them.

I agree with tigernoddles - I'm that anyone would turn down an invite to a loved ones event because they don't agree with it. You just suck it up and take the opportunity to be social and enjoy yourself don't you?

I think you would be well within your rights to say to SIL that BIL doesn't have to come and that's entirely up to him, yadda yadda, an invitation not a summons etc, but that you would have appreciated the truth rather than a lie that was quickly unravelled on facebook.

suggest that you feel that if she is close enough family to be asked to be Godparent, she is close enough to you to be open and honest without worry or concern.

I'd save it as an aside when she is there tho, just her and you and a quiet moment. No big deal or drama, but just get it out there so you know she knows you know... etc :)

I'm that you would expect me to abandon my principles and lie instasista and that's how I feel about making a promise I have no intention of keeping. I cannot keep.

I would go to a baby welcome event. I would not go to a baptism or christening since they are about baptising / christening a child into a particular faith and I don't agree with that So I don't go.

Actually, you are well within your rights to be pissed off that they have lied and posted the bloody low on Facebook, making it obvious. Not very clever at all. If he doesn't want to go, fine, but they could have the decency to keep up the lie.

I dont understand people saying that they couldnt make promises in a church etc.

Well neither could I but that wouldnt stop me going to a close family baptism, I just wouldnt say the promises. Its perfectly easy to do, as long as you dont make a huge point of not standing when asked to, you just stand there quietly and dont say anything surely?

Seriously my DH was godfather to his niece and I didn't attend her Christening. If his DB had posted some passive aggressive shit on my FB, I would have given him short shrift. His family, not my priority.

Just a catch up for those who haven't read the full thread: it's not about religion or non attendance. I don't mind people not coming, for whatever reason. I'm more hurt about the lie and then being ridiculous enough to post about it on Facebook which she knows I'd see.

Earlier you said you DID mind him not coming. More than once.

It was a white lie because saying, "No thanks I can't be bothered going to your Christening." is rude. Get over it.

This reminds me of the excuse my cousin gave a few weeks before my wedding, saying he couldn't come as he was moving house that week . He obviously didn't tell his mother (my aunt) as when at the reception I asked her when she would be visiting his new house, she replied that she had been there loads of times as she had helped him move in 3 weeks previously.

I think it's interesting that you believe he should attend for his wife's sake. That's the difference between men and women in a nutshell IMO (sorry for resorting to a stereotype). Men feel comfortable saying no to things they don't want to do and are also comfortably "selfish" enough to not attend an event just to "take one for the team".

I wish I could develop more of this selfishness, unfortunately I have been dragged to all manner of highly inessential in-law events, including the funeral of some distant elderly relative of DH whom I had never met and as I later learned, my DH had never even met this relative!

Sorry OP I do understand that you feel hurt that he doesn't want to attend your DD's christening because it's an important event for you and I sympathise but try to focus on the fact that your SIL will be there and surely it's nicer to enjoy the day with people who are happy to celebrate with you rather than dragged there reluctantly.

I'm more hurt about the lie and then being ridiculous enough to post about it on Facebook which she knows I'd see

Maybe she just made a mistake. Maybe she made a polite excuse for her husband and then just forgot about it. Maybe your baby's christening does not loom large on their horizon. Maybe her addiction to social media clouds her memory and common sense.
It's not admirable, but it's understandable.

I really don't think that the baby's father's sister's husband is dissing the baby by not coming to the christening. He's far enough away,
relationship-wise, to be able to give it a miss without giving offence.
If he's not religious, that gives him even more reason to opt out.

I'm well past 50 so I've been there and done that. Had my dds christened in the C of E both together when they were 3 and 5 (I am atheist, but did it during a bad patch when I became a bit agnostic). My pils refused to come because they are devout Roman Catholics So that caused a bit of upset in the family. They were pissed off that I wasn't getting them baptised into the Catholic faith.
Our dds father, their own son, is atheist, so I don't know why they expected me, their CofE mother to have them catholisised. (sp?)

My DHs Catholic aunts and uncles refused to come at all, because it was a Church of England ceremony.
So, to have my husband's sister's husband not want to come because he might find it a bit boring, I would have found infinitely more acceptable than granny and granddad and dh's family not coming because they just generally disapproved.

OP, get it into perspective. Your husband's sister's husband won't be at your baby's christening. That does not make him a bad man. Everybody who WANTS to be there will be there. That's what's important. People who attend a christening are supposed to vow to uphold religious views and guide your child, like, religiously, through all that shi....stuff.

Maybe he just doesn't want to do that.
Give him a break. He's not your relative and he is not your baby's relative.