AIBU talk be down off this in-laws related ledge

[BeverlyGoldberg]

I know AIBU but hear me out.

Further to my MIL post last week, SIL is now being a PITA.

She is coming to DD's christening at the end of the month but her H is not and the excuse they gave was that he was having a second stab do (they got married in February) at his golf club. Apparently he had checked if it could be moved and it couldn't so, with regret, he can't come. Fine.

Until... up pops on Facebook last night, photos of him with the caption "second stag do at the golf club". She posted them, knowing I'm her friend, as he is not on Facebook.

I'm poised with a PA comment of "oh so the event COULD be moved, shall I book one more place at the Christening or do you want some time to think of another excuse?".

I mentioned it to DH (it's his sister) and he just said "maybe he's having loads of stag parties". But unlikely tho isn't it, that he'd have more than one with the same group of friends when he's already been married three months.

Please talk me down off this ledge because I'm pretty close to brining down a shit storm.

He probably did not want to go, she came up with a good excuse to spare feelings, she forgot that excuse and posted pictures.

I saw the other post about a visit and your birthday, just because these events are important to you it's not the end of the world that others don't feel the same. She politely declined leave it at that

I think you're getting a hard time OP.

I understand that you're upset- SIL is being a bit of a cow insensitive posting photos of FB, of he second wtf??? stag do. But YABU to say anything. Keep dignified and keep silent. They obviously want you to react as they put it on FB. Just ignore.

Christ on a bike. You're very high maintenance aren't you?

You need to get a grip. and. Stop playing out in public. All you're trying to do is provoke a reaction by commenting on her FB. If your desire is to create a massive rift between your DH and his family, you're going the right way about it. And he won't thank you for it.

Hmmm if you're on about shitstorms I can see why they lied

Christenings are dull, he doesn't want to go leave it alone.

Where I come from a christening is a religious ceremony in a church. Why would non-religious people go? Is there a party or something afterwards? Presents? Is he expected to give up his whole day to watch a baby be promised to a religion he doesn't adhere to?

Are you all religious?

If not ge probably doesnt want to go because its pointless. A lot of people actually disagree with baptisms. Evrn my best friend eho is relgious, didnt have one for her friends. Because she doesnt think its right.

Most baptisims/christenings are an excuse for a party and plenty of people do not want to attend them.

He doesnt want to come. Either he is a dick and you shouldnt care. Or he is a nice guy and he has his reasons.

I agree with PP though. Maybe your reaction to this is a pattern and that's why he doesn't want to attend.

I don't think you should bring a shit storm down. Definitely just shrug and ignore it.but I don't agree with everyone else sentiment that at least he made an excuse not to come and therefore it's OK. He is being incredibly rude, it's a short service followed by tea and sandwiches. He needs to get over himself.

Heard you out. You're still U.

"Shall I book one more place at the christening"

What kind of a christening is this that you need to book places?

Just rise above it. I'm assuming you're very religious?

Which is why you're so upset he won't come to the christening, I mean.

I'd be really upset by the lying but my family isn't like that, we support each other. Seems my family is different to the rest of mnetters who think this is appropriate with sympathy for the sil. I'm clearly on a different planet.

He doesn't want to go. She is trying to cover for him.
People are thick when it comes to Facebook. They are always exposing their lies on there.

Don't comment, however do "like" the photos so she knows you have seen them, but not stooped low enough to say anything. The best thing you can do is to give the impression that you not give a shitteth whether he attends your events or not.

Who gives a shit, honestly? It's a Christening, maybe like me they find them very tedious, they don't have to attend.

I can see why they lied given your behaviour.

I wouldn't be bothered about him not coming to christening but i would be bothered about the lying so I would take the "great he managed to move it, see you both at the christening" approach and let them squirm or tell the truth that christenings are tedious events unless there's a great party afterwards.

Op why is the SIL being a pita?

When its the Bil that isnt coming?

And having 1 less person isnt a pita for you at all?

I'd book a bikini wax to get out of a christening to be honest. Just because it's important to you doesn't mean it's important to anyone else

I'd be surprised if he's still alive, if he was having a 'second stab do'

If he doesn't want to come, he doesn't want to come. Just accept people's decision and get on with what's important to you.
It's better to be civil with extended family then start making pa comments and causing tension.

Margot re the christening debacle: when the vicar twigged that neither of the families were going to be prepared to join in the responses, and that the tracksuited godparents couldn't give a fuck either, she (the vicar) went off-script and dragged the whole service out for nearly an hour and a half, with a couple of impromptu sermons and some extra prayers. Fair play to her.

And that was the good bit. One of the grandmothers decided that she was going to be a godparent even though she wasn't, and muscled in on the action at the font. There was a Great Nan sat at the back with a face like a slapped arse who had the hump over a convoluted arrangement involving a fiver's worth of cheese butties and a bottle of lambrini, and no-one except me had change for the collection.

The after party involved being crammed into a tiny front room where an enthusiastic dog jumped up and ate our plates of cheese sandwiches whether we wanted it to or not, and Great Nan marched in from the road occasionally to make pointed remarks about her personal financial disappointment over the buffet arrangements.

There was nothing to drink, owing to further complexities on the funding front. The godparents went out to a shed in the backgarden to smoke weed, and were not seen again.

Some people just do not want to attend a church, even when invited for a landmark event in someone's spiritual development. Some are happy to play 'tourist' at a religious ceremony, but others really are not.

Or their denomination does not support infant baptism.

If you want to live in a society which strives for religious tolerance, don't make a fuss about someone not wishing to join you in your observances.

Shit storm? No.
The best you can do if you want her to know you know (reminds me of friends) is like the post.
Christenings are lovely,not everyone has the same opinion.
Yabu.

'I'm poised with a PA comment of "oh so the event COULD be moved, shall I book one more place at the Christening or do you want some time to think of another excuse?"'

I though it meant he'd enquired if the Christening could be moved!

But who has a stag do on a Sunday morning? It wasn't a plausible excuse in the first place on this grounds alone, so I'd just let it go.

Are you religious OP?
I have no issues attending christenings for religious people but when people do it just because it pisses me off and I don't go. Regardless of who's it is.

Just let them be. Not everyone wants to go to them! It's about your DC and not about the people who do/don't attend

I don't attend christenings [or any other religious baby ceremony] unless I know the family regularly practice that religion at their home, or place of worship, as more often it is not done as the start of wanting a child to spend their life embracing that religion, but because the parents want to get their child into a certain school in a few years time. I'm not forking out money for travel, gifts and my time to support those fallacies.

I suspect there's a back story and/or they have a habit of doing this, but on this issue alone, YABU to make a big deal about it for various reasons.

Christenings aren't important to many/most people.
Some people actively disagree with them.
It's not SIL's fault that her DH doesn't want to come.

As a side note, I find it funny how often this happens on Facebook. It's like people are so desperate to brag about their amazing nights out in their fabulous life that the need to brag overrides the need to keep it quiet because it contradicts a story you've told to someone else who will see it. Funny.