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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect dp to either stop collecting or move it??

154 replies

Queenofthestress · 07/05/2017 13:31

First post so bear with me please,
Dp is 20 and aspergers I'm 22 living in a moderate 3 bed terrace.
We have two dc, one 3 & one 4 months who both live with me. Dp is finally getting a place after sofa surfing for 7 months so all his stuff is currently at mine (long story regarding why it's not at his mum's)

His fascination is collecting video games and consoles (n64, ps2 etc) he collects the promotional items too ie cardboard cut outs. His stuff is everywhere I turn, currently he's got two shelving units full but he wants to get full collections for example there's 300 n64 games and he wants them all.

Aibu to say either put them in his place or don't collect anymore even though he's paranoid about being broken into?

He's had 4 break ins with stuff being stolen in 3 years, which is how he ended up back at his mum's house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 07/05/2017 13:33

The two shelving units are literally just games, not the consoles or controllers just for clarification

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 07/05/2017 13:34

I couldn't live with someone like that. How come you have two children together but you don't live together?

RandomMess · 07/05/2017 13:35

???

YANBU but seriously is there no intention of him to ever life with his DC and provide for them rather than prioritising his collection?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 07/05/2017 13:35

Uh, yes!

His stuff lives at his house. Them's the rules.

Grimbles · 07/05/2017 13:35

I live with a hoarder collector. You MUST set the ground rules with regards to stuff being in the house early on, otherwise you'll spend all your time moving shit around --and wondering if you can hire burglars to come and steal it.

Oldraver · 07/05/2017 13:36

Are you a 'couple', you say DP ?

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 07/05/2017 13:44

We've been together for two years and he's the father of my youngest

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 07/05/2017 13:45

Why does he not live with you and his child-his family??

Astro55 · 07/05/2017 13:48

Why aren't you together? Especially as you have a newborn?

Why was he sofa surfing and not at your home?

I think his collecting is then least of your worries

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 13:48

I would never, ever live with him. He's a hoarder.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/05/2017 13:48

If you claim benefits as a single parent and his stuff is in your house and the DWP send an inspector round you'll be charged with fraud and have to pay a lot of money back.

Also, you've had a child with him but don't live with him?? Why?

GloGirl · 07/05/2017 13:49

He can put his shit in his house.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 13:55

'Also, you've had a child with him but don't live with him?? Why?'

Because he's a hoarder. She's not under any obligation to live with him just because they have a child together.

FrenchLavender · 07/05/2017 13:55

Why on earth is he sofa surfing and getting a place of his own when you are in a three bedroomed house?

FrenchLavender · 07/05/2017 13:56

I get your point expat but frankly if he's not suitable to live with then how is he suitable to have two children with? Confused

Motoko · 07/05/2017 13:59

My husband's a retro game collector, so has all the old consoles and computers (Spectrum, C64, PS1,2,3,4, N64 etc etc) and tons of the games.

Until now, they've been spread between the living room, bedroom and loft, but now my sons have moved out, he's turning one of the spare bedrooms into his games room.

I understand where you're coming from. With 2 children, you don't have a spare room, and he doesn't even live with you.

YANBU to ask him to stop collecting for now, until he has his own place, and to expect him to move his stuff out when he does have somewhere.

Would a self storage unit be an option? There's a well known gamer on You Tube (Lazy Game Reviews) who keeps most of his gear in storage and storage units are insured.

Supersmith · 07/05/2017 14:00

Sounds like my DP he's a massive game collector. If we ever broke up and he found another house, first thing I'd tell him to do is sift his stuff over there.
Either that or get him to get a storage unit, though those can be expensive.

picklemepopcorn · 07/05/2017 14:00

Under the circumstances, and having a DH with similar tendencies, I'd really recommend looking into a storage unit. See how much it costs, maybe rent a friend's garage. Encourage him to collect there. It will have a natural containing effect.

ALittleMop · 07/05/2017 14:01

Tell h im he needs to move it by X date.

And I agree with Expat - I wouldn't be rushing to move in with him

And French, sometimes, people get pregnant unexpectedly. They are in no obligation to set up as a family unit in a shared home. In OPs case I suspect it might make her life harder.

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 07/05/2017 14:02

We don't live together because I don't want to, it would drive me insane because he's messy and forgetful, I love him but when I've got a three year old with additional needs and a baby I don't need him underfoot lol

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 07/05/2017 14:02

Do not suggest a storage unit, shed etc. The hoard will simply continue to expand.

And yes, think carefully about how this will look if you're claiming as a single parent.

Iloveantiques · 07/05/2017 14:05

If you claim benefits as a single parent and his stuff is in your house and the DWP send an inspector round you'll be charged with fraud and have to pay a lot of money back.

Where in the OP does she mention their financial circumstances? How the fuck did you make the leap to single parent / benefit fraud from a post about a partners collection of tat?

TheFirstMrsDV · 07/05/2017 14:06

Be clear now.
He is only 20
He could have another 70/80 years of hoarding ahead of him.
Are you willing to house another 7 decades worth of crap?

Its not collecting if the stuff is everywhere.
Collectors look after their stuff and know where everything is.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 14:08

'Under the circumstances, and having a DH with similar tendencies, I'd really recommend looking into a storage unit. See how much it costs, maybe rent a friend's garage. Encourage him to collect there. It will have a natural containing effect.'

No, it won't, it'll expand.

And this is NOT the OPs problem to solve. It's his crap.

I'd give him a deadline after he gets his own place to pick up his crap or I would seriously bin it.

RandomMess · 07/05/2017 14:08

Makes a bit more sense now that it's clear only your youngest is his!!! He absolutely needs to move his sh*t out asap and no more collecting until it's out of your home...

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