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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect dp to either stop collecting or move it??

154 replies

Queenofthestress · 07/05/2017 13:31

First post so bear with me please,
Dp is 20 and aspergers I'm 22 living in a moderate 3 bed terrace.
We have two dc, one 3 & one 4 months who both live with me. Dp is finally getting a place after sofa surfing for 7 months so all his stuff is currently at mine (long story regarding why it's not at his mum's)

His fascination is collecting video games and consoles (n64, ps2 etc) he collects the promotional items too ie cardboard cut outs. His stuff is everywhere I turn, currently he's got two shelving units full but he wants to get full collections for example there's 300 n64 games and he wants them all.

Aibu to say either put them in his place or don't collect anymore even though he's paranoid about being broken into?

He's had 4 break ins with stuff being stolen in 3 years, which is how he ended up back at his mum's house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 12:14

Just been to see the new place, it's not big but it's not small, there is room for some floor to ceiling shelves though Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 12:15

French - you're the same as me, I literally can not cope with having too much stuff, I'm very minimalist with what I do have

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/05/2017 12:47

Sounds like you need to get shopping pronto then Grin the perfect shelves for your collection Wink

Did you discuss extra security measures on his doors and windows etc?

It is so liberating having minimal stuff!

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 13:15

I did indeed, gonna be adding a few extras to ease his mind, called him bonkers because his door is the back door so not exactly the first thing someone's going to think of breaking into lol

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/05/2017 17:03

I'm sure you and MIL can find him the perfect storage moving in gift Wink

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 19:41

I'm off round tomorrow to talk storage (whilst dp stays home like usual) I can see why he likes it though it's a nice little place for him and it's only a 5 min walk from mine

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 08/05/2017 20:15

I'm glad he's got a nice place. A nice storage unit, so he can see his lovely things... Perfect!

RandomMess · 08/05/2017 20:17

For insurance purposes he needs to take photos of his collection and keep a list of everything he owns, preferably receipts too... just makes claiming easier.

Iamastonished · 08/05/2017 21:03

"For insurance purposes he needs to take photos of his collection and keep a list of everything he owns, preferably receipts too... just makes claiming easier."

And it needs to be kept at his place, not yours. It won't be insured at your house.

RandomMess · 08/05/2017 21:34

Absolutely I mean only at his house Shock

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 22:00

Oh yeah I make sure he keeps the receipts for every single thing he buys for it, he doesn't understand why though
Once its all set up I'll make sure he takes photographs of everything to go along with the insurance policy

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 08/05/2017 22:01

Never actually thought about insurance even though I've got it myself funny enough

OP posts:
MissEDashwood · 09/05/2017 01:24

Noeuf - I never pictured myself agreeing with someone with your name. I still can't get my head round it all. OP could be getting contribution based ESA, CTC, CB, then Carers for her wee one, plus DLA. As I've seldom come across anyone who hasn't at least tried to get DLA for a child with behavioural management issues.

I do feel for her partner, as he has a point, he wants to be there, but this is never going to happen, as God forbid he has a hobby. Let's hope she doesn't fall for a well off guy who has a thing for model railways or war games / card games.

To be frank with the chosen degree, upon graduation she can hope for possibly admin or call centre work. Uni's seldom advertise that employers will be looking for individuals with experience over theory. The one area that has prospects OP isn't keen on.

Just really feel for the partner and how confusing this must be.

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 09/05/2017 04:40

Considering its something we've talked about at great lengths after he told me he couldn't cope when I went to the shop for ten minutes and came back to two screaming kids and him curled in a ball crying his eyes out I think he's not that confused

Why the bloody hell would I fall for a well off guy when to be frank for two years I'm the one that's topped up his income and bought him parts of his hobby as birthday gifts/Christmas presents/he couldn't afford it?

I can hope for a trainee position, which I'm quite happy with or anything that has prospects to progress in the profession. You know what they say, gotta start from the bottom to get to the top! Also just because I'm not keen on something doesn't mean I won't do it just like I worked in a bloody fish factory for a year because that was the only thing available at the time

OP posts:
WomblingThree · 09/05/2017 06:16

MissEDashwood you really do have some very unpleasant ideas.

How the hell would Queen be claiming ESA? That's for people who are too sick or disabled to work. As she is at university, that patently doesn't apply in her case. If she claims carers allowance, that would be taken back from other benefits anyway, so that's hardly a net gain. That's an incredibly bitchy remark about people trying to claim DLA. You do realise that it isn't fraudulent to apply for something to see if you are entitled, right? Child benefit - yep, same as any other person earning under £60k.

You seem incredibly bitter about the thought of Queen trying to better herself. You assume she's a benefit-claiming leech, but then you bitch about her degree because according to you it will only get her call centre work. Who the fuck died and put you in charge of recruitment for every company in the world?

Cupoteap · 09/05/2017 06:44

Pmsl at you encouraging him to hoard keep the receipts and him not being that keen.

Iamastonished · 09/05/2017 06:45

MissEDashwood that was uncalled for.

Willow2017 · 09/05/2017 09:11

Missdashwood
Again RTFT

OP had already said her dp DOES NOT WANT to live with her as he couldn't cope. Thats perfectly fine with them so what the helll has it to do with you.

Again you are making things up to suit yourself which shows your ignorance. Why on earth would she be claiming ESA? She worked to save up so she could go to uni. Plus if her son is entitled to DLA what has that got to do with whether her dp is living there or not. You really are talking nonsense and petty, nasty nonsense at that. You seem determined to blame op for something she hasn't done
Her DPs 'hobby' is taking over her house. Would you like a load of obselete games consoles and games cluttering up your living room? I doubt it.

DP has just own place he can keep them there.

OP is getting a qualification to ensure she can support her kids but you dont even like that you are moaning about benefits yet pulling her to bits about her wanting a better job in the future.

If you can't stop making up your own ignorsnt version of things butt out.

strugglinghuman · 09/05/2017 09:19

This is NOT the OPS problem to solve. It's his crap.

If it isn't bothering him and it is bothering her then it isn't "his problem to solve" is it.

I would explain to him in terms you think are going to work, I would go for the negative effects of a chaotic environment on safety, hygiene and your children's development.

If that doesn't work try sectioning off an area where his "crap" can live with his agreement and moving it there, and keep that going for a while. Once he gets used to that being the routine he will eventually see it as his own routine (if you dont bang on about it being your enforced rule) and start to prefer it that way.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/05/2017 12:35

But Struggling - he doesn't live with the OP so there's no need for his stuff to be in her house. It's not her problem to solve, she's not sharing her living space with him so is perfectly entitled to say "No, you don't bring your stuff to my house, you keep it in your own home or I will put it in the bin."

Throwing it out would 'solve' the problem for the OP. As long as she gives him fair warning she won't store his stuff for him and gives him an opportunity to remove it (and I would say 1 weekend is enough of an opportunity), then she's under no obligation to keep it all just because he'd rather fill her house with crap than his own.

Willow2017 · 09/05/2017 12:39

If it isn't bothering him and it is bothering her then it isn't "his problem to solve" is it.

If it IS bothering her then yes its his problem to solve. He doesnt live ther why should she have her house littered with old games consoles and games etc? They are of no use to her and cluttering up her house where she and her kids live.

He has his own place now and that where the stuff should be.
OP is helping him with sorting out storage and insurance and security for the new place. Her place isnt a storage unit.

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 09/05/2017 13:48

I can't win with Dash can I??

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 09/05/2017 14:07

Queen
Just face it, you are doing everything wrong so just accept it Smile

Bet you are probably breathing wrong too, get it sorted out....

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 09/05/2017 14:18

Dammit, I had a feeling I was doing something wrong with out realising it!

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 09/05/2017 19:47

You are working hard at your education and have goals, so don't let your circumstances derail that. You are clearly a strong woman and need to be firmer with your dp.
Good luck with everything

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