Aibu to expect dp to either stop collecting or move it??

[Queenofthestress]

First post so bear with me please,
Dp is 20 and aspergers I'm 22 living in a moderate 3 bed terrace.
We have two dc, one 3 & one 4 months who both live with me. Dp is finally getting a place after sofa surfing for 7 months so all his stuff is currently at mine (long story regarding why it's not at his mum's)

His fascination is collecting video games and consoles (n64, ps2 etc) he collects the promotional items too ie cardboard cut outs. His stuff is everywhere I turn, currently he's got two shelving units full but he wants to get full collections for example there's 300 n64 games and he wants them all.

Aibu to say either put them in his place or don't collect anymore even though he's paranoid about being broken into?

He's had 4 break ins with stuff being stolen in 3 years, which is how he ended up back at his mum's house.

You are doing the right thing, queen.

My DH has all the DR Who vids, all the books ever written by his preferred authors, at one point he had all the formula one grandprix since he started watching... Fortunately, VHS cassettes were quite expensive so he stopped with the Grand Prix after a couple of years.

An aspie collection is a very special thing which takes on a life of its own. Preferably not in your house...

You need to find a way of showing him that you are not kicking him out, just keeping your house tidy. His stuff is safer, and your house is tidier, if it all stays at his place! After all, it's precious stuff and you don't want the Baby to spoil it when s/he starts crawling!!

I can see why he'd feel that way, if you've got a child together, maybe cohabiting is on his agenda.

I can't be the only person who finds this strange.

If OP was working she'd benefit tax credits wise from her DP having a disability, so I'm guessing it's benefits related.

I'm saying this because if I was ever crazy enough to get in a relationship again, a guy said to me, oh the thing is DC has additional needs so with you be disabled and all, we just can't live together, I'd tell him where to go.

Why would would you have a child with a man you can't stand to be around? Immaculate conception? I'm guessing immaculate conception, the condon, coil, pill, cap and a shit ton of spermicide failed.

Do you realise how he must feel? Do you have any idea how his friends and family regard you. Oh he's good enough to get her a bigger house and extra tax credits, but they'll never live together.

Regardless of your 3 year old with additional needs, you had a baby with a man with additional needs, I doubt they've just become apparent in the last 21 months.

I'm definitely staying single, I want to be judged on my worth as a person. If someone posted oh I'm disabled and had a baby with OH, but he won't live with me because I'm disabled there'd be uproar.

If someone treated your child that way how would you feel?

But then again if he is, I'm not exactly gonna see it unless I'm looking for it

RTFT, Dash . She has already stated that she's a student at uni and she had the implant but it failed. It's not disablist to not want to live with a mate/boyfriend/etc. . My son has Asperger's, and you know what, that's no excuse for him to force his stuff on someone else who doesn't want them there.

Be firm, Queen. 'No, you need to move these things out.' Do not store them.

Dash wood - Erm wait what, he doesn't want to live together either, he said he wouldnt be able to cope which i completely understand,

his mum, friends and best mate are really good friends of mine, in fact it was his mum's idea for him to make sure the place he gets is literally round the corner, she's pretty much my second mum and I talk to her about everything

If you'd read the full thread you'd know the implant failed so not exactly immaculate conception, and the collecting has only got worse over the past couple months

Also there is more than this going on as I also said, which he also knows is an issue but we're trying to address, I don't hate him otherwise I wouldn't be with him obviously and believe me, there's been a fair amount of times I've nearly packed the towel in with good reason (his mum was surprised when I didnt) but that's completely irrelevant to what I actually asked

I've RTFT, im shocked that people are going aww poor OP.

She didn't have to have a relationship with him.

She didn't have to have sex with him.

Now they have a child together he's a pretty permanent part of her life for 18+ years.

I do get that persons with Aspergers tend to lay the onus all on the Aspergers, as that's what they've grown up with. They do something wrong, the parents put it

The implant failing, I can't figure that out as it emits progesterone into the blood stream. Thus stopping Ines cycle. I've had it twice, the side effects were so bad the second time I was crying begging them to take it out.

It would be like someone coming on here saying I've had a kid with my DP, but they don't want to commit as it's too much like hard work with me being disabled.

Oh and I was already living in the house long before I met him, hence why it's my house and how on earth would I benefit from him having aspergers tax credits wise? I wouldn't get tax credits for him??

**They do something wrong, the parents put it down to the Aspergers, so they have little concept themselves of what behaviours are correct.

You would get a disability element from him being a disabled parent.

Plus you'd get an Adult Dependents Grant from Uni.

He doesn't want to live together, Dash and she doesn't, either! First you bash her left right and centre, presuming she used him to get a house and then you order her to live with him so she gets more benefits .

Leave the OP alone Dashwood

So an Aspie boy found you and he can get a shag and storage, make babies, feel like a family without taking any responsibilities...

I'm Aspie. I know how good that would feel.

Tell him his stuff goes as soon as he gets keys. Don't argue with him, just make it clear it goes. Either he takes it that day or you'll put it outside and he can take it any day before the bins are collected.

And don't have any more babies with him. He's not out of childhood yet.

If they are happier living separately Dash, and I can certainly understand that they might be, then that is their business!

People with ASD have all sorts of strong preferences and routines that OP and her DCs might find hard to fit within.

This thread is about storing his collection, not about any other aspect of their relationship.

Bloody hell, I already get the disability element for my eldest, and a special circumstances grant from uni
We don't want to live together if you must know, he has his reasons, I have mine
You obviously haven't read the full thread properly then as you'd know it's my house and has been since before I met him
I only added the fact that hes aspergers onto the post so people don't just say he's being an ass hole because it's completely relevant to the suitation, if I hadn't you wouldn't have even known he's disabled, even then he's actually high functioning so he's not a dependant in any way

Dashwood

RTFT.

She doesn't want to live with him for a number of reasons. She already has a disabled child to look after she is providing for her own kids without help as her partner spends his money on his collections and poss other things
She doesnt need the worry of providing for him too

And yes it would complicate things if he moved in why should she turn everything upside down there are her kids to consider too ?

And as he has proved he isn't exactly listening to reason when it comes to his junk cluttering up her house now, it would be 100 times worse if he lived there.

You are contradicting yourself with the tax credits how would it benefit her to have her dp living with her tax credits wise? How the freak does he having a disability mean she gets extra tax credits?

She has her own house nothing to do with her do he didn't even have a permanent home till now!

Your post is presumptuous, nasty and judgmental with no basis for any if it.

Elephant - I definitely don't plan on anymore! I've only ever planned on having two at the most and the youngest wasn't planned for a long time yet but the implant broke (quite literally broke - turns out if a kid in plated orthotics kicks you he can quite literally break the implant in your arm lol)

Dashwood
What a crock!

First you berate her for grabbing a 'disabled partner' so she can get tax credits, a big house and a baby with him'.

Its her house, her university arrangement, her thats providing for her kids no-one else.

Then you berate her for not having him living with her so she can claim tax credits and uni allowance off him.

Make up your mind. And then go away you are just being a GF

You have been very reasonable. He wants you to understand his perspective but he isn't even trying to understand yours. Some helpful suggestions, deadline, box them up out the front door. And if he calls you manipulative they all go out the door the very same day. (I'd warn him of this beforehand though!)

A clear boundary should be easier for someone with ASD than some fudge where you lose you shit later on because it wasn't clear to them they'd gone too far. Your house only contains the stuff for the people who live in it - that's you, DC1 and DC2, he doesn't live there, so his stuff doesn't live there. He can find a place for it all, but that place is not your house.

Quote the benefits aspect, also it'll be easier for the DCs to understand that he doesn't live there if his stuff isn't there - it'll be confusing for DC1 if he seems to live there part time, much easier to accept that Mummy's boyfriend visits but has his own home when his stuff isn't in your house.

Miss Dash
Your nasty posts say far more about you than they do the op.

The fantastic suggestions is why I posted o there, I've got a plan of action now thank you, I honestly didn't want to get to the point of just loosing my shit with him which I have done before but that's a whole other kettle of fish lol I do love him, but it's frustrating and makes me feel guilty as hell when he gets upset so I do need to be firmer

*on here

Don't cave into any emotional blackmail, decide on the lines of reasonableness you are going to use and stick to it.

Perhaps it's along the lines of "My house, my rules - I am not sacrificing space in my home for your hobby. You need to sort that out for yourself just as I do for me and the DC"

You do realise these retro game collectors end up working their way through ALL the console's and some games cost ££££££. Be very clear how much he should be contributing towards DD - no excuses etc.

Good luck!

He's gets esa at 500 a month so how much would you reckon is reasonable? I've always been confused by it, can you tell DC1's dad doesn't pay anything?