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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/05/2017 08:36

The ops mother in law cooked 12 sausages for breakfast. She gave the three men 9 between them and the three women three between them.

She cooked 8 rashers of bacon. She gave the men six rashers and split two rashers between the three women.

She cooked nine eggs. She gave the men six of them and the women three between them

She cooked black pudding and gave all of it to the men and none to thr women.

She heated beans. She gave all to thr men and thr women nothing.

I really don't know how anyone can defend that with "well what rhe women got was adequate" .

It's genuinely weird as hell to me.

Dozer · 08/05/2017 08:37

Has never heard the term "penis portions" before Grin

Bambambini · 08/05/2017 08:37

I'm not even having breakfast this morning but i'd still want my fucking beans and blackpudding if others were given them.

Anyone defending the Mils weird logic shit hosting needs a big mac with fries - large

Gwenhwyfar · 08/05/2017 08:45

"But do you unfairly allow certain guests more than others? THAT'S the whole point here, not whether or not you're a restaurant. When asking what your guests want, do you reply, "No, not you dear. You don't need beans"

I cook more or less what I would eat myself and a bit more for tall men because, from past experience, they want more. I'm not sure I'd refuse to give a woman more food if she wanted it, but it's possible I wouldn't have cooked the extra anyway as I don't agree with the mn thing that you should cook TOO much when you have visitors.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/05/2017 08:46

"I really don't know how anyone can defend that with "well what rhe women got was adequate" .

It's genuinely weird as hell to me."

The amount seemed adequate for a breakfast. The men got too much.

likeababyelephant · 08/05/2017 08:47

Wow why a bitch. As if it's up to her how much someone wants to eat.

Tell the cunt to fuck off back to the 50's.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/05/2017 08:52

"As if it's up to her how much someone wants to eat."

It's her food to dole out though isn't it?

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 08:57

It's her food to dole out though isn't it?

Confused But you are gifting it to them.

Why would you not just ask people how much they want? Surely if you don't like waste/ over catering (fine) you just ask people what they want before you cook it?

NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 08/05/2017 08:58

The amount seemed adequate for a breakfast

Is that how you host? You provide only what you would eat, wouldn't cook extras, would give tall men more and provide no more than an "adequate" meal?

I think this is where thr difference of opinion comes in. For me, hosting is understanding that people have all different appetites and don't all eat as I do. Watching people enjoy the food you cooked and eating their fill is one of the joys for me. I'd hate someone to walk away from my table either being hungry because what i normally ate was much less than they normally ate, or thinking that the meal was no more than "adequate" but they'd have liked some more. The simple act of someone even having to ask me for more would make me feel a terrible host.

I guess we all host differently.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 09:06

Is that how you host? You provide only what you would eat, wouldn't cook extras, would give tall men more and provide no more than an "adequate" meal?

If we were going out for lunch afterwards, then yes an adequate meal is what I would give in those circumstances.

NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 08/05/2017 09:10

It's her food to dole out though isn't it?
No. That's not how hospitality works.
What a strange point of view. And how rude.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 09:11

To me this is about the men having more than her no matter what she was given.

^^this

Lweji · 08/05/2017 09:15

To me this is about the men having more than her no matter what she was given.

Which is still a very valid point.

SecretNutellaFix · 08/05/2017 09:17

Navy, can we then assume that you also serve penis portions? If the portion served to all the women only was an adequate portion would you serve the same size to the men?

NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neonrainbow · 08/05/2017 09:22

Half a piece of bacon? Who the hell gives someone half a piece of bacon?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/05/2017 09:23

Oh ffs

These things are meant to be fun. Some families don't see eachother that often and if I was invited to dinner I'd wanna enjoy it. Enjoy chatting and a nice meal. I watch what I eat 364 otger says if the year. If I'd been promised a fry up id want a fry up. I'd hope that it would all he seen as something pleasant and special not yet another tightly calorie and portion controlled "adequate" meal
How bloody miserable

GwenStaceyRocks · 08/05/2017 09:35

The OP and her MIL are strangely similar. Both of them were more focused on portion size than enjoying the company.

2rebecca · 08/05/2017 09:42

I don't think I would enjoy the company if I had half a piece of bacon 1 sausage and 1 egg whilst my husband had a large cooked breakfast. I would be too upset and annoyed at the unfairness and sexism of it all, and angry at my husband for not instantly realising the situation was unfair and bizarre.
I can't imagine my husband looking at the disparity in our meals and not giving me some of his and asking his mum why she thought I didn't like black pudding and beans.

reetgood · 08/05/2017 09:42

Oh Jesus wept. It's not about the size of the damn breakfast. Clearly, people are going to differ about what breakfast sizes are going to be be.

That is why you do not tell other adults how much, and what to eat. Whether they are a man or a woman, tall or short, your relatives or not... you don't tell other people how much and what to eat.

As a host you provide the food. It is up to your guests to eat it (or to not eat it).

I have never been to a friends house where they portioned things out without offering more, as if I couldn't decide. I don't see why it's reasonable for a relative to do it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2017 09:44

Especially since the OP's MIL has previous form for restricting her intake, even while she was bf'ing, ffs!

NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretNutellaFix · 08/05/2017 09:46

I'd be focused on portion size too if it was that big a difference! Especially as the MIL has form for being dictatorial in OP's portion sizes on previous occasions.

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