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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 07/05/2017 20:34

HTF do you know if something has been regifted?
Because it looks like the sort of gift my friend would get me, not the sort of thing your neighbour bought you and you didn't want/need so decided to pass on.

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/05/2017 20:34

Oops, switch that^^.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 07/05/2017 21:20

So should a person keep duplicates, or things they can't use but know their friends would love but not give them?

Don't be obtuse- no one has said that. There is nothing wrong with saying you have duplicates/not quite my thing/can you use this etc.

It's the dishonesty of pretending you chose and bought it specifically for the recipient which makes "re-gifting" wrong. (Aside of course from being a ghastly neologism - like "pre-order" but that's another rant)

Emphasise · 07/05/2017 21:27

I think if the towel kept the toddle occupied for a while while your friend nursed a newborn then it did a useful job, it;s not like a towel is going to get damaged.

I'm not sure why she should put more effort into appreciating it than you did into choosing it.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 07/05/2017 21:37

The sleeping bag is a good present, carry on and give that. Theybare quute expensive to buy. Sorry but I think a random towel is a bit of an odd, and not great present. I do think your friend reacted rudely but I honestly couldn't get excited about a towel as a present. SIL gave us a pack of 3 vests. I said a polite thank you but I thought it was a shit present, they weren't special vests or anything.

As an aside, is your friend good at hiding her true feelings? I thought I was pretty good at covering up what I am thinking, but apparently I'm really not and even if I am trying not to show it, my expression can be obvious. Maybe she didn't realise that she showed her true feelings?

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 21:48

Op, she possibly knows you regift. There is no issue with passing things on you don't want. It's the saving gifts So you can then give them as gifts and pretend you got the recipient a present. I'm actually quite stunned you have such a thing as a regift pile. Do you use any of your gifts or do you just put them all in a pile and pass them on whenever you feel a gift is expected?

There is nothing wrong with turning up and saying "I couldn't afford a gift, but I never used this and thought you could, I was waiting for someone who could use it" . It's sincere and honest.

Cococrumble · 07/05/2017 21:55

Oh definately give the sleeping bag it's a lovely gift!

If money's tight and you have a stock of things you've kept especially I don't see any issue with it! it's not like you're rocking up to her house with a carrier bag of stained old baby grows as a gift passed off as new, which happened to me

Newark · 07/05/2017 22:11

Btw OP, any specific reason you didn't give the 1st friend the baby sleeping bag and the one tomorrow the towel?

haveacupoftea · 07/05/2017 22:34

The present sounds fine. When you have a new baby you get so many presents I suppose you maybe just get a bit used to it and enthuse a bit less.

I'd give your friend the benefit of the doubt, she's probably just knackered and fed up. The sleeping bag is a fab present btw.

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2017 23:09

Did the towel still have the tags on?

Toffeelatteplease · 08/05/2017 07:50

How do you know?

Cos generally something is out of kilter.

Because it looks like the sort of gift my friend would get me, not the sort of thing your neighbour bought you and you didn't want/need so decided to pass on.

This 100%. If it wasn't good enough for you why have you passed it on to me. It's the complete and utter lack of thought.

I've got a relative who gets smelly gift packs with stuff like a nice wash bag uses the stuff in side and regifts the bag. Often with something different in. I'd much rather the considerate bit than the showy regifting bit.

If you couldn't afford a present ideas rather you just said that. Snd that really is the point. Regifting is really just for show and appearances, we're not really friends if you think I care about that.

Some of the best presents have been from people with very little money at all.one was a cost a pound from the pound shop but it was so intensely personal it was quite something. It will be remembered look after it wears out.

Second hand used charity shop I have no problem with. Regifting yuck and about as rude as you can get.

Sickofthemess · 08/05/2017 08:08

There's nothing wrong with regifting, and on the face of it she seems rude, but perhaps you are reading too much into it?

Like you she's probably got loads of towels and she's probably just really knackered with the newborn. I was like a zombie after my second and was likely a bit off with visitors. All I could think was "great, another towel, now can you go home so I can sleep".

Gabilan · 08/05/2017 08:42

Cos generally something is out of kilter

So you'll spot anything re-gifted which is out of kilter. What you won't spot are the re-gifts which are in kilter. You have no external way of verifying what is a re-gift and what was a gift so you're just confirming what you think. "Re-gifts look odd, this looks odd, therefore it's a re-gift. I've spotted this, ergo I can spot all re-gifts". It's not a logical argument.

Helloitsme88 · 08/05/2017 09:58

Shitty gift imo. You regifted a hooded towel to a friend. That you didn't want. And then moaned because she probably didn't want it for the same reasons.
Hooded towels are useless imo

Helloitsme88 · 08/05/2017 09:58

In fact I got a free one in my bounty pack

honkersbonkers · 08/05/2017 10:08

I wouldn't want to buy you a present at all if I knew it was likely to end up in your regifting pile.

True friends don't care if you don't have money to buy something new. Just be honest and make a shepherds pie for her freezer or something. I would appreciate that so much more!

mrbreezeet1 · 08/05/2017 17:35

Yes it was rude, You're supposed to pretend you like it, even if you Don't.
It was disrespectful allowing the child to "kick it around"

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/05/2017 17:38

Nah, not buying the knackered mother excuse that's just bollocks.

I had 3 under two and no way would one of mine behaved like that and gotten away with it.

I was never given one of those towels and I would have been grateful even if I had a dozen!

kastiekastie · 08/05/2017 17:39

To: An Utter Idiot (your words not mine)
The camp might be split generally, but I like your style - you're obviously not someone who forgets there is a human being receiving the message and that none of us gets it right all the time ;-)

Screwinthetuna · 08/05/2017 17:39

YANBU, that is very rude. Let's hope she was just too tired or distracted to notice

RevEm · 08/05/2017 17:41

In all fairness you didn't pay for it.... YABU

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/05/2017 17:42

A lot of people sound a bit entitled on this thread. A towel is not a great gift and hard to get excited about a towel. What do you want then? No one owes you a gift.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/05/2017 17:45

Christ some people!

I wouldnt have been particularly excited at the towel but thats because I have 6 kids and after #1 I realised that they are not much use. I would still have been thankful and made sure it was looked after and not used as a football by another child.

I would have been thrilled with the sleeping bag. A JJMMBB one would be more than I could have afforded and frankly you cant have too many of those things especially during the "spit up" stage.

I wouldnt give a toss that either were regifted, in fact I would prefer it rather than them buying something new and creating more waste. Far more ethically and environmentally preferable to regift than rebuy.

But then I am not a snob :)

MaMisled · 08/05/2017 17:46

Yes, plain rude, ungrateful and hurtful. I always make a lovely fuss when I receive a gift.

rowingboat · 08/05/2017 17:48

I think she was being insensitive and a bit post-natal.
In a similar vein, I bought one of those Sophie giraffes for my niece, after researching the most popular, useful gift for a baby, teething toy.
When we went to visit, around 6 months later, the dog was playing with the Sophie. I was a bit taken aback, but I honestly don't think they even made the connection as nobody even attempted to hide the Sophie or give it to the baby (which would have taken me aback even further) Smile Obviously, not the same as opening the packet when I was there and handing it to the dog.

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