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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 07/05/2017 17:02

Bear in mind it is her second baby, so probably does have them from 1st..If she is tired probably to tired to feign interest in the towel. Yes she should of said thanks.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/05/2017 17:04

I have five friends who are all having babies over two months. I can't afford to buy that many new presents. Money is short. So what do you suggest I do? Would it be better to turn up with no present

It's totally fine not to give a present. They won't be expecting anything. What if all their friends and family gave them presents - they would have tonnes of stuff, half of which they won't need or might not have a use for. Such a waste.

A nice card plus an offer to babysit or help out in some other way some time in the future will be very gratefully received.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 07/05/2017 17:23

I have five friends who are all having babies over two months. I can't afford to buy that many new presents. Money is short. So what do you suggest I do? Would it be better to turn up with no present

It's far better to pass on something you were given which you either never used or found really useful and be honest about it or as Barbara said a practical offer of help.

Original poster
TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 17:27

So rather than wrap up the sleeping bag as a present for tomorrow, I should just hand it to her and say - "I had this but never used it, would you like it?" I don't really see the difference TBH. If anything, I think this looks even cheaper and like you made less effort.

Really just thinking I will turn up with no present tomorrow.

OP posts:
JonSnowsWhore · 07/05/2017 17:29

Just because one friend was rude, doesn't mean the next one will be. Take the sleeping bag as a present. Incase my opinion counts for anything, I love baby sleeping bags Smile

RTKangaMummy · 07/05/2017 17:43

The only thing that would identify this as a regift is if it is a newborn - 3 month winter one (extra thick etc) when this new baby is obviously a spring/summer baby

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/05/2017 17:47

It doesn't look cheap OP, it looks honest.

SnapJack68 · 07/05/2017 18:40

I am sorry you've had so much stick from posters on here and I really hope you don't feel you can't regift in future because of a few snotty opinions from people who seem to value the gifts element of meeting a new baby far higher than they should.. commercialism gone mad.

I do get the argument of maybe a hooded towel not being one of the better choices fo a 2nd baby due to fact they may have lots already but even so that should not be the focus here and anyway.. I actually wpuld have been very happy with this gift for a 2nd baby as it is lovely to have new things for baby rather than just hand me downs but also harder for me to justify buy new things like that if I already have hand me downs available!!

She was rude if she showed open dislike for gift and she shouldn't have let the tddler kick it around in front of you but I reckon not to take this to heart as she was probably just in a world of her own with new baby and exhaustion and it didn't click ... she probably dint have the energy for a row with toddler that taking the towel.off tgem may have caused

Tldr: ignore these absurd opinions on regifting. You gave a nice gift and dont take lack of enthusiasm to heart from.new mum.

Bonus thought: steal the towel back next visit

kali110 · 07/05/2017 18:41

Op it's fine!i regift things! Nice things that i know my friends could never buy if i end up getting duplicates.
I think some people on here forget some people don't have a lot of money.
Your friend was rude.

Gabilan · 07/05/2017 18:47

I have five friends who are all having babies over two months. I can't afford to buy that many new presents. Money is short. So what do you suggest I do? Would it be better to turn up with no present?

I would turn up with the sleeping bag. Maybe put it in a nice bag rather than wrap it up and just proffer it like that. Personally I don't have a problem with passing on things that you don't use to someone more likely to use them. I just probably wouldn't bother pretending it's a gift as such.

I agree with PP - there's enough tat in this world without feeling obliged to add to the whole commercial merry go round. If you think friend would like it, take it.

I think your first friend was rude. But I think under the circumstances it's both understandable and forgivable, unless she's got form.

MadMags · 07/05/2017 18:48

Just stick the sleeping bag in a gift bag and be done with it.

Do you really care if she uses it/appreciates it or not? In these situations, gifts are more about the gifter's obligation, IMO.

If towel friend thanked you, then that's all you should expect.

It's a bit of a stretch being put out at the lack of reverence about your free towel!

Newark · 07/05/2017 19:00

"So rather than wrap up the sleeping bag as a present for tomorrow, I should just hand it to her and say - "I had this but never used it, would you like it?" I don't really see the difference TBH. If anything, I think this looks even cheaper and like you made less effort.

The difference is that you're giving her a choice - the choice to say 'thank you but we already have one/don't need one/hate that colour etc' rather than feeling obliged to take a gift she doesn't want or need. I think OP maybe you need to look at this less from the POV of how you come across and more from the POV about what your friend likes/wants/needs. You did know it was likely your 1st friend may already have hooded towels because it's a reasonable assumption given it's her 2nd child and because you yourself did. Quite possible someone else gave her used baby towels like they did you.

But yes, she should have said thank you if she didn't.

Newark · 07/05/2017 19:02

POV = point of view!

PrimalLass · 07/05/2017 19:04

I loved hooded towels. I don't think it is a shit gift at all.

And I still use them as hair towels now.

2014newme · 07/05/2017 19:06

It's not a shit gift unless you already have loaf's of them which most people do by baby no 2, as the op did.

I'd give the sleeping bag if it's the right tog for the season

Newark · 07/05/2017 19:10

I also use hooded baby towels as hair towels. Would have privately thought it a v odd gift if given by one of my close friends - unless towel was hand monogrammed with baby's initials...

I wonder if there's actually more to this given that you're good friends OP. Out of interest, what was it that she gave you?

JonSnowsWhore · 07/05/2017 19:17

You know what's come out of this thread? I've realised I only have one baby towel for baby that's due.. I actually need to get another one Grin

Newark · 07/05/2017 19:21

JonSnowsWhore ask your friends if they have any to regift Wink

Toffeelatteplease · 07/05/2017 19:25

Yes definitely turn up with nothing or a card. Regifting is awful. Totally ungrateful and rude both to the person who originally bought you something they thought you'd like. And the person you are regifting to.

And you know. If you're being regifted to. Doesn't take a genius to spot.

Toffeelatteplease · 07/05/2017 19:27

Actually I've far rather something you give me something second hand than regifted.

Angela0413 · 07/05/2017 19:31

I think you are massively ovrrreacting she's just had a baby and you gave her a towel. What are you expecting? It's not a brilliant gift for first baby, utterly useless for second. By the second you realise they are fine in a normal bloody towel!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/05/2017 19:38

I was really happy when friends offered stuff they had left over from their babies, whether used or unwanted gifts, and asked if I'd like it. Very kind and much appreciated, and I could either say "yes a new sleeping bag is really useful, thank you" or "oh we have lots already, thank you for the offer though". Some off the clothes were brand new unworn gifts which were really lovely to receive.

With my second baby a friend turned up with blankets as a gift. I already had loads of blankets that were gifts from older generation family members which we kept so we could send them photos periodically of baby with the blanket (!) as we never used blankets. So I said thank you but inside my heart actually sunk, as now I either had to get the bus to the fabric recycling centre or the charity shop with them, not a fun outing with a newborn, and I worried that she would ask where they were one day.

I would take things to your friends and offer them if they want them, but not dress it up as a gift. I think gifts can be annoying tbh, unless something genuinely lovely is carefully chosen I find they are generally more about the giver than the receiver.

What I really appreciated after my second baby

  • offers to take my toddler out
  • cooked meals!
  • home baked cookies
kali110 · 07/05/2017 19:59

*Yes definitely turn up with nothing or a card. Regifting is awful. Totally ungrateful and rude both to the person who originally bought you something they thought you'd like. And the person you are regifting to.

And you know. If you're being regifted to. Doesn't take a genius to spot.*

Htf do you know if something has been regifted? I don't!
How is it ungrateful?
So should a person keep duplicates, or things they can't use but know their friends would love but not give them? Confused
I'd rather my frirend gave me a regift, than nothing, or stressed themselves out, or spent what little money they had buying me something new.

darwinsbabe · 07/05/2017 20:03

not in one million year would I allow my son to start kicking a present about the living room.

How wouldn't be allowed to do that with even if it wasn't a gift.

That in itself is just incredibly rude and I couldn't give two shits if you've just had a baby or not. Your manners shouldn't just fly out the window Confused

darwinsbabe · 07/05/2017 20:03

He* not how

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