Not showing up to surprise party.

[RuggerHug]

If someone has been very clear over the years that they despise the idea of a certain type of party held in their honour, or in fact in general this type of party and someone goes ahead and organises one anyway. Is the 'guest of honour' then a total bitch if they make excuses and don't go on the day rather than pretend to be happy about it? I know pulling on big girl pants and looking at it as 'but they meant well' is what should be done but how bad exactly would it be to make an excuse?

I would go. I would act surprised and then ten seconds in, I would shush everyone and say:

Thank you for coming. I appreciate that I have friends willing to turn up at a party for me. However, what I don't appreciate, is people thinking they know me better than I know myself. I don't do parties, I especially don't do surprise parties and this is something that, not only did I not ask for, I also expressly forbade it x-number of weeks ago. To me, the people who organised this are not my friends. I will be leaving now, so please feel free to party on without me. I will understand if any of you feel that you no longer wish to be my friend. Goodnight."

I would get the "victim" to tell the organiser they know and don't want it asap. Otherwise it would be incredibly insulting to waste people's time on the day for a no show.

WriterMum, are u for real?

ITS ALL OVER!!!!!.

Best wishes for a good pregnancy and a happy birth, OP. I agree that Mags message is spot on.

bloody baby showers so american why do w hve to copy them all the time

anyway op im with u and hate surprises-i warn everyone all the time that i f they ever did that to me id just walk off regardless

glad it worked out anyway

Let everyone know, you know and that their gifts will be donated to nspcc
Be late to miss a chunk of it
It's not cool to arrange a baby shower for for someone who has been clear they don't like them , but it's mean to miss it if it is well meant, other people will be confused and upset

I'm just thinking of all those lonely people out there who would be amazed and delighted if someone organised a party for them. So GO and be grateful. One day there maybe nobody who wants to organise one.

Had this for my 21st ; some of the girls I worked with invited me for a drink for my 21st and it was a surprise party, I never knew and was so tired I just didn't go. Was rather embarrassed when I went in to work and they had clubbed together to buy me a pressie and told me. When it was my 50th I made sure everyone knew I didn't want a fuss, preferred it and unfortunately had gastroenteritis so was a good job I had !!

Thought YABU until you said "baby shower". Awful things. Blame superstition and cancel

IT'S OVER AND OP DIDNT GO!!!!

So what did you do?

FGS people

If you can't be bothered to read the entire thread, at least read the OP's updates.

The OP didn't go

I wonder if all the people who are suggesting that the OP should have just sucked it up, been grateful, gone along, etc. are like the "friend" in this scenario, who only thinks of their own gratification and not the feelings of the OP.

Not in the slightest thumbwitch. I suggested the OP went because the she wrote a post about her friend was usually lovely and this wasn't the type of thing she usually did, so I thought she should give her the benefit of the doubt, and also consider the people who were about to turn up to lunch to see her.

I'd think it's far more likely that it's those who think only of their own gratification are the ones suggesting she does exactly what she wants without considering the numerous people who had gone to the trouble of buying the OP a present and turning up for lunch.

This happened to me but it really was a surprise and I walked into a room full of people. I nearly cried. I hated every minute but of course put on a good front and made sure that everyone had a good time. Then afterwards made it very clear to the organisers that I was upset and wished they hadn't done it.

Nope - it's those of us with empathy and understanding of the OP's feelings around the party/ pregnancy who were suggesting she didn't go.

Which just goes to prove that generalisations and assumptions are pointless.

Bit OT but my friends and family organised a huge 'surprise' 50th birthday for me. I found out by accident and it was difficult and embarrassing. The party itself was great but so many old friends I would have liked to invite (who the organisers didn't know) were not there, other people were hurt because they had not been invited (often because of no contact details) and heard after the event (it was just tedious apologising and explaining why they hadn't been invited). Just. Don't. Go. There

I understand why the OP didn't want to go. I just happened to think that she was making a mountain out of a molehill. My view would probably have been different if she'd posted that her friend had form for this but she said the opposite for this.