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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to friends birthday meal with a grand title of £16

245 replies

user1493797837 · 05/05/2017 07:14

I'm on income support. I simply don't have any more money until Monday which I need for job interviews anyway.

I have no cash leftover each month.

My best friend is having his birthday party at a restaurant and the prices are between £7-£13 for a main meal.

It will cost me £5 for the train. So I will then have £10 for the meal. This means no splitting he bill, no drink, no tip, no being able to pay for things 'for the table'.

I've had to do it for years as I've been a desperate job seeker for most of my life. I have it down to a fine art. But i am worried people will order things and expect me to contribute such as bottles of water.

We never ever split the bill for the table and my friend orders about £100 worth of food and drink and so he insists it's only fair to pay for ourselves.

I wish we were going to good old weatherspoons or something but this restaurant was his choice.

I've perfected drinking tap water after the meal so no one knows I'm too skint to buy a drink. I'm leaving to get the 11 o clock train anyway.

I arrive at 7:30pm.

So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all? I can't meet them afterwards for drink as they won't be finished until around 9pm and I'd only have an hour and a half before my train.

OP posts:
jobergamot · 05/05/2017 19:23

Go! Of course you should go. Just explain to them that you will just pay for your own stuff.

bungaloid · 05/05/2017 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ImperialBlether · 05/05/2017 19:49

Bit unfair bungaloid.

PurpleDaisies · 05/05/2017 19:50

bungaloid seriously? That's not an appropriate thing to suggest on an open forum with no way of knowing for sure who's genuine and who isn't.

bluegreenyellow · 05/05/2017 19:52

has enough for a laptop or phone...

AwaywiththePixies27 · 05/05/2017 20:24

has enough for a laptop or phone...

So? My laptop was a present off my Dad. Which means my DD will be able to do her school work come secondary school without having to trundle all to the nearest library 40 minutes away because our nearest one got knocked down. My phone is completely battered, oh and also a present off my Dad too, I use it for contact with family and friends and taking photos of the DCs and going on the internet because you know, it's 2017. Hmm

AwaywiththePixies27 · 05/05/2017 20:25

purpledaisies I think they're being sarcastic.

PurpleDaisies · 05/05/2017 20:27

Oh that makes sense awaywiththefairies. I'm really bad at spotting sarcasm on here.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 05/05/2017 20:31

No worries there's a fine line between satire and sincerity. It's hard to distinguish on most places sometimes with todays attitudes.

witsender · 05/05/2017 20:31

She's not complaining or asking for sympathy, so the laptop and phone comment seems unwarranted. She's just debating whether to go out or not.

AuntyElle · 05/05/2017 20:43

cantkeepawayforever That is so lovely about your mum's dedicated saving for you all.

cantkeepawayforever · 05/05/2017 21:21

Thank you. To me it was normal - and to her it was normal, it was how her mum saved up enough to buy the uniform when she passed the 11+. Essentially that money bought me my PhD - it took me 4 years on a 3 year basic SERC grant, and though I was 2 stone lighter at the end of my 4th year than I was at the beginning, I was only actually penniless the day I started my post qualification job.

cantkeepawayforever · 05/05/2017 21:26

(I'm not saying it was anywhere near enough to pay for the 4th year. But after I had divided what I had saved from my grant into 12, and allocated that amount of money per month for all requirements, having a savings book into which I could dip for unexpected expenses- interview shoes, new bike tyre, thesis binding, an extra bag of groceries - made the difference between survival and not.)

bungaloid · 05/05/2017 22:16

Moderated? Angry
I wasn't being sarky. Such a cynical bunch on here. Where's the sense of community! PurpleDaisies, I suppose this could have been a particularly tedious ruse to defraud, assuming I knew the OP and was instigating a mega scam.
So, to redress the order of the universe I'll front all the money. OP, the offer is there. PM me your account number and sort code (I don't need a name) and I'll BACS you enough cash to enjoy your best friend's birthday. It's like secret millionaire, except I'm not a millionaire and it's not a life changing amount of money. We will prove Mumsnet wrong.

AnathemaPulsifer · 05/05/2017 22:31

Not cynical, just trained not to feed trolls. Not suggesting OP is a troll but sending money to those in need encourages fakers.

belldray · 05/05/2017 23:00

OP are you claiming everything you're entitled to? It sounds like you're on income support with one child - so the same situation as I was when I was a single mum (you're presumably getting child tax credits and child benefit as well). It's tight being on income support but I was able to save a small pot for one-off occasions like this so I just wondered if it's worth going to the CAB to get a full benefits check. Sometimes there are local grants and low payment schemes (for utilities etc) which can make a big impact on your budget which you might not be aware of. E.g. replacing your ripped blazer would be free as there's a charity here which helps people on low incomes get clothes for interviews.

Also on income support you can apply for a budgeting loan, which is interest free and you can ask for about £800. They take repayments off your income support so you have to use it wisely, but it is really useful for paying for things that are really needed but you don't have enough for an upfront payment.

Springcherryblossom · 06/05/2017 17:57

Go go you'll be sad otherwise. I used to have to count the pennies for years, it's hard having to explain at first but gets easier. Always have water, even eat a bit beforehand so you are not starving, then choose wisely.

Text your friend explaining, then also say clearly at start of meal 'very sorry, on a budget tonight so only paying for mine and not splitting bill'

Then enjoy!

Maireadplastic · 06/05/2017 17:58

Could you join at the end? I have been in this position and just say I would love to come sooner but something has come up (long story) and I'll see you all at 10pm...

Or accept bungaloid's very kind offer.

Deathraystare · 06/05/2017 18:04

I think if this was me I would say sorry cannot come now due to finances but later on will celebrate with him (drinks?) and celebrate/commiserate getting/not getting the job.

busymomtoone · 06/05/2017 18:08

I have been in this situation myself, I totally agree you should go - if you stayed in because funds were tight you might end up never going anywhere!! To be honest, I find it hard to believe that your friend would " expect you to have budgeted better" - the fact you have train fare and can afford to pay for ( small) meal is great. The evening is about celebrating and sharing in your friend and others' company- go and have a great even. I would agree with others who have suggested simply pre empt any awkwardness by saying : " I can't split bills tonight as only have a £10, but obviously didn't want to miss friend's birthday ". If anyone has an issue with that they are a moron! If I was round the table I would offer you a drink ( and best friend probs happy to pay for meal) so just a word of caution that you are not turning down small one off support or treats out of pride. Hope you enjoy the evening.

Emmageddon · 06/05/2017 18:21

Enjoy your evening. I would definitely go, and tell people you can only afford to pay for yourself and can't be included in rounds of drinks etc.
Have fun! Life is too short to stay in on a Saturday night, even with limited funds.

Sparklyglitter · 06/05/2017 18:22

Don't go - how about making a meal at yours for his birthday? Smile

Squishedstrawberry4 · 06/05/2017 18:29

Text him and any friends beforehand saying 'looking forward to tonight. I'm skint so will just pay for myself rather then splitting the bill at the end'

MadMags · 06/05/2017 18:41

What will you do if something crops up before you get your money on Monday?

Plus, what if everyone wants to sub his meal? Buy his drinks? Are you going to announce to a table full of people that you can't afford it?

Lovelymess · 06/05/2017 18:50

If he is your very best friend as you say then he'll totally understand, maybe even pay for you if he can afford it (I happily would for one of my friends) x