To go to friends birthday meal with a grand title of £16

[user1493797837]

I'm on income support. I simply don't have any more money until Monday which I need for job interviews anyway.

I have no cash leftover each month.

My best friend is having his birthday party at a restaurant and the prices are between £7-£13 for a main meal.

It will cost me £5 for the train. So I will then have £10 for the meal. This means no splitting he bill, no drink, no tip, no being able to pay for things 'for the table'.

I've had to do it for years as I've been a desperate job seeker for most of my life. I have it down to a fine art. But i am worried people will order things and expect me to contribute such as bottles of water.

We never ever split the bill for the table and my friend orders about £100 worth of food and drink and so he insists it's only fair to pay for ourselves.

I wish we were going to good old weatherspoons or something but this restaurant was his choice.

I've perfected drinking tap water after the meal so no one knows I'm too skint to buy a drink. I'm leaving to get the 11 o clock train anyway.

I arrive at 7:30pm.

So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all? I can't meet them afterwards for drink as they won't be finished until around 9pm and I'd only have an hour and a half before my train.

The OP has said that this night out is very much a one off, which is why I think she should go. Obviously if she was out every week or even every month, it would be more sensible to stay in and save the money instead.

Not sure about the saving. If there genuinely isn't anything left after all essentials are paid, then obviously she can't save, and essentials are irregular - you don't need school shoes every week or even every month, but they are a cost that needs to be paid.

But if the OP is getting to the end of the week with a few quid left and she's spending up on an item of crap or something unnecessary just for the sake of it, then obviously it would be better to not spend up and save the money. Even a fiver a week is over £250 a year, which will go a long way towards replacing a broken washing machine or paying for presents for her DS at Christmas, or whatever.

But it sounds like looking into getting help with interview costs might be worthwhile.

Have you posted before about this friend inviting himself round for lunch regularly and never contributing?

For those who haven't RTFT, here it is in a nutshell.

OP - So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all?

Majority of posters - Yes (and proceed to offer helpful sympathetic advice)

OP - Well I'm going regardless and I'm going to ignore everyone's advice

Thats a tough decision.
I think I would say fill up with an early pasta dinner before you go, eat and apple/banana something similar on the train and then have order a starter or soup as your main, just say you aren't hungry.
I don't agree that you shouldn't go, as long as your obligations/bills etc are all paid and you don't actually need the money for something else.

I'm in the same position as you OP. I avoid social gatherings as I can't afford to pay my way.

I'm not going to not go.

But have taken all other suggestion seriously such as arriving later etc.

OP I think you might be the poster from a previous thread where you were considering moving back to Wales? If so I think you should definitely go for the meal, it seemed like you didn't get out much and it would do you good to. Apologies if you're not the same person, I still think you should go .

If someone offered me a good reason not to go then I would consider that.

But saying don't go so you can save the £15 isn't going to be taken seriously by me.

The advice of others going through the same has been very helpful. It's not pleasant going to a meal with little money.

But it is my best friend and it is his birthday. Otherwise I'd not even consider it.

It sounds to me like you could really do with a night amongst friends.

How's about this - eat at home (you said you had food in).

Then join your friends for the meal - and just order a coffee or a dessert and enjoy the company.

This is your best friend - who I'm sure will care more about the fact you have joined him to celebrate than what is on your plate. I went for dinner with mates the other week - one friend who is on a strict diet joined us for the evening with a drink. Not one person cared that she wasn't eating.

Having absolutely NO money for 2 days and having young children because you blew it all on someone's birthday meal is a pretty valid reason not to go.

No one's kicking you when you're down, OP.

Lots of people are just saying that this:

I don't have enough to save. It would be so minimal in my opinion it wouldn't be worth it. While some months I may save a small amount, that needs to go on something else another month.

is not quite the same as this:

I'm hoping in this case that the OP means that she feels that the benefit of spending her £15 tonight outweighs the benefit of saving this particular £15 towards another occasion / need, rather than that she never sees the point of saving anything from one month to the next and always spends right down to the last penny regardless.

and that if you HAD managed to stick away £1-2 per week for the last 4 weeks, then you'd have nearly £20 to go out with tonight rather than £10.
That's all. That this is a month that "the money would have gone on something else".

That's all.

Tell your friend "I am really looking forward to seeing you all tonight but I have £10 to last til Monday, so I'm going to be on a budget - just wanted to give you a heads-up I can't chip in with splitting the bill or extra drinks. See you later!"

There is no shame in that, and if you feel there is there is something not right with how you view your friendship with your best friend.If you say it up front you can enjoy the evening, rather than it being stressful.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would be factoring in that 1- I would need to buy a card (which fine you can pick up cheaply in card factory) and 2- that your best friends other friends would assume that everyone would contribute enough to cover the cost of your friends meal and drinks (this is often the case in birthday meals that I have been to), so you may be put in an awkward situation where you need to explain to everyone else at the table your financial situation. I agree that you should be open with your friend that you will only be able to afford a main meal/ dessert and that things are tight on benefits. Too many people think that life on benefits is a walk in the park, but the reality is that you barely scrape enough by to eat and pay the bills. A previous poster mentioned cashing in DVD's/ old phones for money, that is a great idea although one I would be saving for a rainy day. Unfortunately with the sanctions that the Tory government have applied to benefits, a delay in public transport on the way to your job centre meeting could leave you with no money to eat!

Oh I remember the poster with a friend who ate everything in her house. Is this the friend, OP?

I haven't rtft- sorry I'm in a rush, but IF the OP was my best friend I would not want them to spend their last £15 on attending my birthday meal, which they could Ill afford, let alone be 'heartbroken' if they couldn't attend. It just seems like a completely lack of awareness of the OP's circumstances.
Sorry if this point has already been made.

I explained it badly.

It's fine to spend your last £15 tonight. You have food in, your child is with his father for the weekend, and you get paid on Monday. No drama.

But in general, it would be helpful if you put £2/week or £10/month aside, so that when you need the new blazer unexpectedly this month, or the new school shoes, you can raid the savings and still have the budgeted money for a night out for your mate's birthday. Tiny amounts add up, so it's never "not worth" saving something.

Your posts didn't seem to acknowledge that, which is why you were getting all the responses about saving.

I'd go after the meal - that way you don't need to spend any money apart from fares but can be there for your friend.

Anything else is just too tricky - what happens when the invariable suggestion comes to split the bill or someone pours a glass of wine for you, or someone suggests treating your friend for his birthday .

I'd text your friend- tell him that you want to celebrate with him but for various reasons you can't do the meal so you'll be there around 9 ( or whatever time you think they will be on to dessert).

I have been on income support as a single parent for a short while, and £15 is a huge amount of your weekly income. Back when I was on income support that would be 20% of my weekly money

I think you do deserve fun OP, but in your situation there was no way I would spend £15 on this as with the stress involved even before you have left the house - this does not sound like much fun at all

if I had that amount left over, I would spend it on fun with my child, swimming and a picnic in the park, Saturday morning cinema, or buy a swing ball set for the garden - it would not sit well with me to spend it on myself

I would give this evening a swerve, but I would have a meal with my friend, but I would invite them round, I'll cook and tell him to bring a bottle. Do a spag bol for £3 - and its a relaxing night

But many people have tried to tell you a different side to the coin, but I feel you are setting yourself up for a miserable night here as you are already so anxious about it

But saying don't go so you can save the £15 isn't going to be taken seriously by me I would love to know why you think this is not worth considering?

When my best friends are skint, I've paid for them. Because they're my friends and I know their circumstances.

Why's he so oblivious to yours?

Years ago I went to a work thing feeling v. v. unwell. I only had a Coca Cola whilst they feasted, but they happily let me split the bill. After it was paid, they exclaimed, "you shouldn't have paid as much as us, you only had a soft drink!" (after sitting there watching me put my "share" in.) Nobody offered to give me the money back though.

Most expensive glass of cola I ever drank. I have worked on my assertiveness skills since then!

'Oh I remember the poster with a friend who ate everything in her house. Is this the friend, OP?'

No, that OP had a job.

No judgement from me what you spend your money on OP. And if you were going to spend that £15 having a good time, I'd say go for it.

But personally I couldn't enjoy a meal out knowing a tenner was the only cash I had (unless it was common knowledge, with close friends etc). I'd be on edge all night.

I wouldn't go.

See your friend separately. It'll be more quality time and you'll be more in control of what you spend.

But personally I couldn't enjoy a meal out knowing a tenner was the only cash I had (unless it was common knowledge, with close friends etc). I'd be on edge all night.

Neither could I, but then to be fair I'd be on edge if I had such little money anyway .

I am really actually at some of the judgment on this thread. Can't you put yourself in the place of the OP? She is skint, that isn't going to change and to suggest that people who are poor are wrong for just trying to take part in society is really depressing I think.

Really feel for you OP, I was in a similar position years ago. It can get very awkward between two friends when one just can't understand being actually broke. I've a friend who classes being broke as no money in her current Acc but has '000s in savings. At least ur not the type to take advantage in the 'forgot my wallet' kind of a way. If I was you I would go but leave before the bill arrives and just leave the tenner to pay for your meal.
Best of luck

Do people advocate never ever socialising at all with the people one loves, because they could put that money to better use saving it for a rainy day?

Now, seriously, what sort of life would that be?

One can be Scrooge, sitting on a mountain of gold, but no-one to go to a mealith, or one can spend the odd bit with friends and have just about enough to get through next week.

OP's circumstances will not always be as they are now and one day I'm sure she'll have a better income which will allow her to both socialise and save.

I think you should give your friend a call and tell him you really want to go but funds don't allow.
If he offers to pay, accept it and if not get yourself a take away