To go to friends birthday meal with a grand title of £16

[user1493797837]

I'm on income support. I simply don't have any more money until Monday which I need for job interviews anyway.

I have no cash leftover each month.

My best friend is having his birthday party at a restaurant and the prices are between £7-£13 for a main meal.

It will cost me £5 for the train. So I will then have £10 for the meal. This means no splitting he bill, no drink, no tip, no being able to pay for things 'for the table'.

I've had to do it for years as I've been a desperate job seeker for most of my life. I have it down to a fine art. But i am worried people will order things and expect me to contribute such as bottles of water.

We never ever split the bill for the table and my friend orders about £100 worth of food and drink and so he insists it's only fair to pay for ourselves.

I wish we were going to good old weatherspoons or something but this restaurant was his choice.

I've perfected drinking tap water after the meal so no one knows I'm too skint to buy a drink. I'm leaving to get the 11 o clock train anyway.

I arrive at 7:30pm.

So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all? I can't meet them afterwards for drink as they won't be finished until around 9pm and I'd only have an hour and a half before my train.

That's correct in many cases changing, so you do get it.

*with and enough.

"See, tbh, what I don't quite get in the UK is the birthdays thing. In my country if you are invited to a b'day part you buy a gift & the birthday person offers drinks/meals/whatever."

To do that would be too expensive for most people. Maybe eating out is cheaper in your country?

Can you not tell him the truth honestly if you were my friend I would be happy to buy you a few drinks .

I am sorry for your situation and 100 per cent agree that it is important to socialise and enjoy yourself.

However, the attitude of "it's not worth saving as it will just get used on something else" is worrying.

That's not necessarily how it will work. If there's an emergency or necessity, you will be glad you have that £15, and if there's not, it's £15 that you can save, and possibly add to. It is a small saving, but that's how it starts.

It's one thing to spend the money because you want to and think it's the best choice, and another to spend it because "if it's not a big amount, I might as well spend it", will in the long term possibly only exacerbate your financial situation.

It's tough but just because I have a child that doesn't mean I shouldn't socialise.

Well of course you should he able to socialise. But you need to he honest with your friend. If he truly is your best friend he should understand. My best friend would.

For those saying most people wont mind, I once got completely ostracised from a middle class church when it transpired the single parent on benefits wouldn't be able to contribute much.(They'd sent me am email asking how much I was planning to give the church every week, by standing order, when I politely pointed out I gave every week and refused to disclose how much, usually the odd bit of change things turned sour quickly.) Literally none od them gad a clue how the other half lived, or at least i hope acted like they didn't have a clue given that that also ran a foodbank!
Shit happens and people judge but life is what it is.

Tell your friend that you have £10 for the night. don't say small amount of money be exact. Say you will order and pay for your own food and drinks and you're letting him know so as not to cause embarrassment on the night.

"theres no point saving £15. I would need it the next week for something."

Come on, that's the point of savings. That you have them for stuff you really need.

However, the attitude of "it's not worth saving as it will just get used on something else" is worrying.

Why is it worrying OP? I understand what the OP means. Last week I had a spare tenner left over. Only for 24hours though when I realised I needed to put more on my electric than I had done and had to cover the emergency. I think that's what she means by used. Like in those sorts of situations.

I just couldn't justify going out if I was skint and down to my last tenner.

Sometimes I can't afford to go out with friends or little luxuries because the bills were a bit higher this month but that's life and I'm an adult.

Your posts are coming accross as very immature.

If a poster came on here and said "my DP has just spent our last tenner on going out with their friends when I told them we couldn't afford it (we are unemployed at the moment) and now we have no cash until Monday!" How do you think that would go down?

Yes but surely that's a good thing, that you had the money to cover the electric emergency, and you hadn't spent it on socialising?

Away, apologies if that wasn't clear. I meant that if she foresees that she might need it, and has no reserve at all, then it is worth saving not spending, even if it's only a small amount.

Your situation is a good example of why. You had a spare tenner but if you'd spent it on a meal out for someone's birthday, it would not have been there the next day when you needed it for electricity.

It's shit that anyone has to make those choices, but if it's need versus want and you can only do one, need comes first and for me, keeping the £15 pound better serves the need, than spending it on a meal out.

Yeah sorry worra that's what I meant I just didn't word it properly.

As long as people have food in, priority bills paid and gas and elec I wouldn't find it 'worrying' it's not possible to save for themselves.

Sorry worra x-post, that's exactly what I meant.

Sorry Flash I cross posted with your last post. No apology needed.

What I have each month is what my bills are give or take £40 or so.

Some months that £40 goes on interview travel or shoes for my son etc.

I will never have any savings on this income. So savings £15 really isn't necessary.

I'm not in the least bit immature. I'm very very careful with money. I pay all my bills and on time and live within my means. I've never been in debt.

I have food in and bills paid. The £15 is disposible income.

There many things I need. I will never be able to afford the major things. But I pay bills and have one luxury(if it can even be called that) a month.

This month was supposed to be this meal. But I've had to pay for a new blazer for my interview as the old one ripped.

On Monday is get money.

There's no need to save the £15 for anything.

If I could ever save a decent amount of money I would. But on this income saving isn't possible or wise.

I won't enjoy the meal as it will be stressful. But I'm going and that's something I feel I need to do.

To suggest I'm spending £15 on socialising when I've no money for essential bills is insulting and presumptuous.

I've already covered essential bills.

I will never have any savings on this income. So savings £15 really isn't necessary.

But you said yourself upthread, if you'd saved for the meal you wouldn't be in this position.

Also, if you had any savings, you would have been able to pay for your blazer without it affecting your meal.

Of course saving is necessary. Can you really not see that?

OP that wasn't what I was suggesting at all and I'm sorry if you're insulted.

I'm not in your position now, but to me £15 pounds saved is £15 pounds saved. It's not a fortune but if you could do that every month or even every other month, it would add a buffer, however small.

I don't save. I pay for essential items as the money comes in. But by the end of the month my money has gone.

One positive though is that by the time I get a job in my field o will have plenty of savings as I will be used to this lifestyle.

This is a very strange thread. As Worra has pointed out, OP, you have said yourself that if you'd saved even £5 a week, then you could have gone for this meal without all this stress. therefore I don't understand why you think saving is not necessary or wise.

I'm not sure what the point of the thread is though, if you are dead set on spending the full amount on the meal regardless of what's posted, then why start it at all? (genuine question)

I give up!

Enjoy your night out OP and I hope you get a job soon

My main worry in your situation would be that some bright spark would say "birthday boy shouldn't have to pay, let's split the bill and cover him between us".

In a similar situation years back, a friend of mine (aware that some people were more skint than others, and also aware that some people had travelled further than others) said in adavance " No gifts, and no paying for my meal, some people have had to spend £x to get here, don't put them under extra pressure". She also discreetly said to the people who might not have the cash "I chose this place, I like it, I know it's expensive, I'll cover yours. If you feel like you'll owe me, then we'll go for a sandwich sometime and you get it, or cook me a meal sometime and we're even. A meal's a meal."

So I think you do need to say something discreetly to your friend. If he's your best friend, he will understand. If he doesn't understand, he's not your best friend.

I'm not sure what the point of the thread is though, if you are dead set on spending the full amount on the meal regardless of what's posted, then why start it at all? (genuine question)

Million dollar questions!

I'd like to ask a genuine question too.

Have you had many offers PM'd to you OP?

Sorry to sound rude. I just wonder if people still do this?