Wealthy in laws seem reluctant to spend money on a decent car seat

[LauraPalmersBodybag]

...and now I'm arguing with my dh about it!

At no point has anyone come and said 'just choose a cheap one'....tbh, if they did at least it would be simpler. Instead they asked which one, I said I'd much prefer rear facing for as long as possible, gave some basic reasons why. My mil said 'all fine, whatever's safest and good value for money' but since then there's ongoing chat, an email sent suggestioning numerous cheap forward facing ones and now my dh and I just had a protracted and wearisome debate about it.

We were going to suggest they buy the same one as us, but somehow my dh finds that problematic. I'm sure he and his mum have been talking about it but he won't let on.

He challenged whatever research I'd found on rear facing, was hinting that there's no difference. I asked if money was the bottom line and said if it was just buy the best for their budget. He tells me no, but then says why spend £500 when you can spend £100....and "they're both safe drivers" "chances of a crash are minute".

They've got plenty of money, really. Absolutely fucking loads. Surely just buy one of the ones that tests really well.

I'm mostly pissed off because I feel like I have to continually defend my position and I end up taking the role of 'Hysterical Mother' arguing with my in laws which is so BORING.

AIBU???

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I also don't think their financial status/ability is any of your business either. You expressed your preference (and it is a preference if you're willing to accept a cheaper but safe one).

If they're buying a safe seat then I'd just say to drop it and let them. Trying to force a preference (even a reasonable one) on someone else will make you into that person especially if you can't/won't pay yourself. it's a bit dickish to expect someone to buy something you couldn't however rich you think they are

As an alternative, can your own car seat be used with your pushchair base? If so, can you take it on the plane with you?

the idea of driving toddlers who can't see out the window sounds awful!

Why can't they see out of window? They can see more, in fact - out of both side and back windows. A forward facing toddler can see the back of the front seat.
Rear-facing until they are at least 4 would be non-negotiable for me as well. It really isn't about getting the fanciest and most expensive seat for someone else's money, like some people have suggested.

We got a joie rear facing up to age 4 seat for £55 new. £500 sounds a lot when you can get good rear facing much cheaper. I do however agree rear facing is much better where possible.

I think 500 for a seat that is not going to be used often is too much.

Its their money, and you don't know their exact situation, they are comfortable probably because they don't spend excessive amounts on car seats...

Just for interest - I have older children - is there a height restriction on rear facing as well as a weight one? DS, though an exceptionally thin teen, was a very solid small child, as well as being 98th centile height (110cm+ at 4, IIRC). He also has very long legs in relation to his overall height, if that makes sense - as an indication, at 6'2" he now has a 26" waist but a 36" inside leg measurement, in other words his inside leg measurement is almost half his total height.

i can't quite picture where he would have put all that leg in a rearward facing seat up to the age of 4!

Older children sit cross legged or with their feet up on the seat in front. I've seen 6 year olds rear facing and they looked comfy enough.

So your DH just randomly threw out the £500 figure for no reason?

Is he doing stuff like that to invalidate your arguement?

Fwiw I think you should just pick and buy the one you want your child to use whilst there.

There is no reason to have a seriously expensive one ERF seats are not as expensive or as hard to get hold of as they used to be. If you can't afford to get one now then just don't visit until you can.

It is that simple

Forward facing car seats can also be "decent". "Decent" enough for 4 or 5 uses a year.

cant you just get a used and good one from the local Facebook selling page, why do you need to spend £500? baffling

even a brand new Mazi Cosi is £115

I think you are BU, sorry OP!

YANBU - I'm stubborn about rear facing too. We're travelling to visit our families in Ireland in a few weeks time and I've ordered a Joie Stages to be delivered to my mum's house for the trip. My son is 13 months old so it should last a while!

The Joie seats are good basic seats that don't cost the earth.

My very wealthy mil won't buy one at all, when she has my kids we have to transfer the car seats from my car to hers.

cant you just get a used and good one from the local Facebook selling page

No, don't do this. Especially buying from strangers online. You can't guarantee the seat is actually safe for use.

There are plenty of reasonably priced seats around these days, the problem seems to be the in-laws refusal to co-operate with an erf seat.

Cheapest decent-but-bogstandard Group 1 seat on the market ATM:

Graco Coast £80

Can see why the £500 figure confused everyone - it wasn't literal, just figurative... i.e. "Why buy something for X when you can spend X". My DD is 15months and in the next size up in seats.

I know I can be a bit PFB, which is why I asked, though I do put a lot of weight in ERF seats.

Totally admit that I was BVU talking about their money. They're lovely people and very generous, it's just that sometimes they offer things but then come the strings attached and my DH and I end up fighting about it. I look forward to us having enough that we can politely decline.

At the heart of this I think my husband was being a bit of a dick and I was being argumentative too. Today's plan is we both pay £100 each and everyone's a bit happier.

cantkeep I have a 99th percentile son, he's almost 4 and he keeps his legs crossed or bent against back seat, has not been complaining.
Yes would be too tall for most ERF seats. They don't have an official height limit, but are considered too small if the top of the ears are in line with the top of the seat. For taller children, there are also some taller models available - I have Axkid Minikid, that is suitable for children up to 125cm, that's the height of an average 6-year old.

Thanks! I was just curious - said DS will be able to learn to drive the car himself before the end of the year.

If you see them rarely then the seat will normally live outside the car. You will need to double check the fit yourself every single time you go see them. Plan extra time for that.

Am I the only one bristling at "decent" in thread title? FF seats are not indecent or rubbish.

OP, I am glad you have sorted something

I understand your desire for a rear facing seat (I erf'd both of my kids which the rest of my family and friends thought was 'weird') but for occasional use with grandparents I bought them mid range good quality 123 seats with good safety ratings (1 is a britax and 1 is a recaro) as these will last until they no longer need car seats. my folks and my in-laws are in their 70s and just don't seem to "get" how to install the rear facing seat and I couldn't guarantee they would get it right. I would have preferred rear facing but this is my compromise and saves money in the long term

I think your plan to go halves on a £200 rear facing seat sounds sensible. Although it will only be used 4 or 5 times a year for your child, presumably there is a chance that they will have more grandchildren in the future so will ultimately get more use out of it.