Wealthy in laws seem reluctant to spend money on a decent car seat

[LauraPalmersBodybag]

...and now I'm arguing with my dh about it!

At no point has anyone come and said 'just choose a cheap one'....tbh, if they did at least it would be simpler. Instead they asked which one, I said I'd much prefer rear facing for as long as possible, gave some basic reasons why. My mil said 'all fine, whatever's safest and good value for money' but since then there's ongoing chat, an email sent suggestioning numerous cheap forward facing ones and now my dh and I just had a protracted and wearisome debate about it.

We were going to suggest they buy the same one as us, but somehow my dh finds that problematic. I'm sure he and his mum have been talking about it but he won't let on.

He challenged whatever research I'd found on rear facing, was hinting that there's no difference. I asked if money was the bottom line and said if it was just buy the best for their budget. He tells me no, but then says why spend £500 when you can spend £100....and "they're both safe drivers" "chances of a crash are minute".

They've got plenty of money, really. Absolutely fucking loads. Surely just buy one of the ones that tests really well.

I'm mostly pissed off because I feel like I have to continually defend my position and I end up taking the role of 'Hysterical Mother' arguing with my in laws which is so BORING.

AIBU???

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable OP, I think some posters have got sidetracked with the idea that you are demanding that the GP spend £500 on a car seat. It's clear from your post that this is not the case. You say in you OP that if money is the issue they should just get the best they can within their budget.

A seat that is ERF would be non-negotiable for me (as it seems to be for you). I would be willing to accept any new, ERF car seat that fitted in the GP car safely and I would be willing to contribute if necessary.

The issue seems to be that they are rejecting all ERF seats without any particular justification? I still think it's your DH you need to work on, show him the video posted by pp and hopefully he'll come around. Given that there are completely affordable ERF options I'm struggling to understand the issue for them?!

They offered to buy the car seat based on what they normally cost. What you're doing is the same as someone offering to take you out to dinner and you accepting and then saying you're only going to go if they take you to Le Gavroche.

Whether they have money or not is neither here nor there. You either accept their gift with good grace or you buy one yourself.

Erm. You buy it. Why the hell are your inlaws buying you a car seat?

Mind you, I've bought everything myself. Wouldn't expect or accept such an offer - unless they genuinely wanted to help and were happy to help by getting an appropriate seat (which they're not)

You don't have to spend £500 for a rear facing seat. If you check out the Which reviews you'll find there are top rated seats which are nowhere near as expensive as that. If this seat is only to be used occasionally then it's pointless to spend that much money. I also thought you were allowed to take car seats on planes so maybe that's an option?

blowing this is an old picture but shows how the seat looks actually in the car. The base comes up quite high at the front so braces the carseat against the seat.

I haven't read the full thread.

Buy the car seat yourself! You are being ridiculous- if it's passed national safety laws then that's all you should be realistically concerned with!

What they can afford has got naff all to do with you!

I've got a Joie Every Stage. Less than £200. Can RF until 4to (or equivalent weight). It's big and bulky but I manage to fly with it 3/4 times a year and transfer to my mums car when needed, maybe every fortnight or so? You're making a massive mountain out of a non existent molehill here...

What you're doing is the same as someone offering to take you out to dinner and you accepting and then saying you're only going to go if they take you to Le Gavroche

not the same in the slightest.

Op never said it had to be £500 you have mis read her op. It was a random figure mentioned not attributed to an actual seat. She just wants a good car seat.

Eating at Macdonalds or Gavorche isnt going to affect someones life chances in an accident.

YANBU, they need to either accept that you want a rear facing car seat and go for one in their budget or you should just buy one that you're comfortable with. I know there are still a lot of weird opinions on rear facing and some people seem to think it's pointless, our dc have always had rear facing car seats till 4 and I've lost count at the amount of times we've been asked if the kids don't hate it, when are we turning them the normal way round, it's only for babies etc the mind boggles!

Of course it is the same - someone offered to do something kind and she said it wasn't good enough for her PFB. That's fine but then she pays for what she thinks is good enough, not demand that they accede to her demands.

There is an entirely spurious link that some people make between the cost of a car seat and its safety. As other posters have pointed out, you can get RF seats much more cheaply than the 'bottom of the range' one the OP wants

Oh I see. That was just my DHs hamfusted way of saying that we coukd spend less. It was a hypothetical figure, not the cost of a seat!

Ok I researched this tirelessly! You need to buy either a Joie spin 360 which is £250 and is isofix only forward and rearwards facing and spins to put the child into the seat. Or Joie also make ones called Stages which is rear or forwards facing and seatbelt fixed which goes from birth to around 4yrs old or the Every Stage which is birth to around 12 years old also seatbelt fixed and rearwards or forwards facing. Both come in under £200

I think the figure of £500 was thrown out as an example by op's husband; e.g. 'Why spend a huge amount SUCH AS £500 when you could spend a small amount SUCH AS £100'.

I bet the op is regretting using those words now though as many seem to have fixated on them.....

One more thing op,. its not just in laws who have been funny about seats I have two dc one older and one younger and all relatives seem to have mental block over car seats and esp the older one ( 8) still being in one!! They all seem so keen to get her out of car seats altogether, its utterly bizarre.

X-posted op, sorry!

welsh thank you!!

Its for older toddler now I wanted something more comfortable to grow with her but prefer fixed base.... thank you!

lacontessa t'was ever thus on MN.

Comprehension skills [skills]

Go for a britax two way elite. RF and harnessed to 25kgs (my 6.5yr old has just reached that weight and is about 50th centile so very average).

About £200 delivered from in car safety centre, and very easy to swap around so you could always move it from your car to theirs if you didn't want to buy multiples. Could you offer to.go.halves?

The issue seems to be that they are rejecting all ERF seats without any particular justification? I still think it's your DH you need to work on, show him the video posted by pp and hopefully he'll come around. Given that there are completely affordable ERF options I'm struggling to understand the issue for them?!

YY I do think some people simply have their own mental block on car seats.

OP, car seats are a bit of a pain, but just in case you are considering airline travel with your ERF one, as some PPs suggested, please don't, we've done that and yes, while you can check it in at no extra cost, the mechanism for securing it rear facing got damaged very badly despite many precautions/wrapping/"fragile" signs, etc (i think some luggage belts have quite a high drop as that's the only way I can see how ours sustained the damage that it did). We were forced to use it forward facing even though shelled out for ERF. In fairness, we have a tall toddler, who grew out the height restriction long before the weight restriction. Yes, ERF is supposed to be better, but the only evidence is whiplash and no, that's not fatal (this gets confused with another type of neck injury, for which there is no evidence that ERF offers any advantage). In other words, there is no hard, conclusive evidence that severe neurological injury is actually prevented in ERF seats when compared to good forward facing ones. Hope that's of some use to you :)

My parents happily bought and keep car seats for their car, and wouldn't put the kids in seats we weren't happy with. They're quite 'pushy' in a lot of ways so certainly not a pushover, but car seats are important. No-one sets out thinking they are going to crash.

Of course it is the same - someone offered to do something kind and she said it wasn't good enough for her PFB. That's fine but then she pays for what she thinks is good enough, not demand that they accede to her demands.

Totally this.

It is rude and demanding.

I would never have the brass neck to demand a Jo Malone candle or nothing, if somebody offered me a nice and perfectly decent M&S candle.

Just travel with your own car seat. Airlines carry car seats for free and they aren't included in your luggage allowance.

You drive to the airport using car seat, check the car seat in at the desk, use it driving away from destination airport - it's really simple.

I've done this many times and it makes perfect sense. Bonus is the children are always in their own car seat (whether we use a taxi or private vehicle to get to and from the airport). The only "disadvantage" if you call call it that, is transporting the car seat from the car to the check in desk - it just goes on top of the luggage on the trolley so is hardly a problem.

The OP has repeatedly stated that the only thing she has asked for is that the car seat is rear facing. She is not demanding a particular, very expensive seat. You can get an ERF car seat for less than £100 but the GP are rejecting ALL ERF car seats and it's not clear why. This is the issue.