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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wealthy in laws seem reluctant to spend money on a decent car seat

170 replies

LauraPalmersBodybag · 05/05/2017 00:35

...and now I'm arguing with my dh about it!

At no point has anyone come and said 'just choose a cheap one'....tbh, if they did at least it would be simpler. Instead they asked which one, I said I'd much prefer rear facing for as long as possible, gave some basic reasons why. My mil said 'all fine, whatever's safest and good value for money' but since then there's ongoing chat, an email sent suggestioning numerous cheap forward facing ones and now my dh and I just had a protracted and wearisome debate about it.

We were going to suggest they buy the same one as us, but somehow my dh finds that problematic. I'm sure he and his mum have been talking about it but he won't let on.

He challenged whatever research I'd found on rear facing, was hinting that there's no difference. I asked if money was the bottom line and said if it was just buy the best for their budget. He tells me no, but then says why spend £500 when you can spend £100....and "they're both safe drivers" "chances of a crash are minute".

They've got plenty of money, really. Absolutely fucking loads. Surely just buy one of the ones that tests really well.

I'm mostly pissed off because I feel like I have to continually defend my position and I end up taking the role of 'Hysterical Mother' arguing with my in laws which is so BORING.

AIBU???

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraPalmersBodybag · 05/05/2017 09:18

Morning! Fair enough, totally prepared to accept that I was BU. For what's it's worth, a few things got lost in translation:

I NEVER wanted or expected anyone to pay £500, that was just a figure mentioned by another poster.

They offered, we thanked them and said that's very kind. I mentioned that it would be great to get an ERF one if possible. I asked how much they wanted to spend - couldn't get a straight answer.

Our car seat (that cost £250, not £500!) is huuuuuge, could never realistically travel with it.

I was mainly pissed off at my DH (and possibly his mum) implying that I'm being hysterical by wanting rear facing. They kept saying it didn't matter how much it cost, buy a safe one, but then finding fault with ERF.

Anyway, by the by. I'll do some more research and find the cheapest ERF, and I'll suggest we pay the difference, whatever that is. I don't want a flash car seat, just a safe one. There's plenty to suggest that the safety laws in the UK that allows children to face forward from 15 months are nowhere near as good as Germany, the US, Scandinavia etc.... that was really all I was thinking.

Anyway. Cheers MN. Grin

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 05/05/2017 09:22

We got a second version of our chosen seat for my in-laws. We paid for them ourselves and just showed them how to fit it. Second hand of fine as long as they haven't been in an accidents.

LadyLapsang · 05/05/2017 09:23

Will your baby have its own seat and safety seat during the flight to see the grandparents? Or will it just sit on your lap? I'm amazed at the thought of a £500 car seat for very occasional use. I just had a quick look at the John Lewis website and it didn't have a single carseat that was that expensive. Could you not just take your carseat with you and use it in the plane or give your parents in law the difference in money between the seat they suggest and your preferred option, which would perhaps mean you pay £250 each.

Mulledwine1 · 05/05/2017 09:24

The last car seat I bought was about £120 and did well in the Which? crash tests. Why on earth would you need to pay £500 for one? Allowing for some inflation, I'd guess £150 at most?

wizzywig · 05/05/2017 09:25

Ive got 3 kids and i remember these kind of discussions that only seem to happen when its the first baby. Everyone is trying to adjust to their new role and define it. Let them spend their money on what they want. Your next problem will be 'they want to feed crisps to the newborn'

LadyLapsang · 05/05/2017 09:26

Cross posted, but you mentioned £500 in your original post.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 09:27

It has nothing to do wtih how much money they have, you want them to spend an outrageous and unnecessary amount of money for an item they don't need, because you can't be bothered to bring your own seat with you or buy your own there.

BaggyCheeks · 05/05/2017 09:33

Aria the point being - how do you know your second hand seat hasn't been in an accident?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/05/2017 09:41

Most airlines specify that a car seat used on board has to be forward facing

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 05/05/2017 09:42

Op why do you think your BU? Loads of posters agreed with you Hmm.

We have also had very similar, Happy to buy brand new BMW's costing over £50 GRAND Shock, Brand new porsche???? And yet quibbled over basic car seats, third hand from friends.

You have to remember just because people are wealthy does not mean they are intelligent, or sensible. I totally agree there is no need to spend ££££ on this, but thats not what your saying is it. Its the way they are treating you because you have dug your heels in.

The bottom line is op, the responsibility for your dc lies with you and your dh, if you ever end up in a crash and they look at car seats, its you who the buck stops with, don't let MIL now or at any point in the future make you feel bad for putting your babies safety first. Smile

BTW Yes its up to them what they spend their money on, they prioritise their spending on whats imp to them, so you know where they feel about dc safety.

Original poster
LauraPalmersBodybag · 05/05/2017 09:43

AGGGHHH....I NEVER ASKED FOR A £500 ONE!! Honestly! In fact I haven't asked for anything other than rear facing!

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 09:44

You have to remember just because people are wealthy does not mean they are intelligent, or sensible

You have to remember that just because people are wealthy they don't have to spend their money on you and things for your children.
Fixed that for you.

Original poster
LauraPalmersBodybag · 05/05/2017 09:44

Also, they can feed her crisps if that's what's their hearts desire. I'll be elsewhere, having a break from constant childcare!

OP posts:
welshweasel · 05/05/2017 09:45

No the every stage is a seat belt fit. No fixed base. It's really easy to fit, takes 30 seconds (I've used it in taxis loads) and is pretty light to cart around.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 05/05/2017 09:46

You have to remember that just because people are wealthy they don't have to spend their money on you and things for your children

Absolutely, and the GP have to accept in turn, if they are not allowed to look after dc because they refuse to provide basic safety things because they dont seem to care, the parents don't have to let their dc stay, just because they are the GP.

BertieBotts · 05/05/2017 09:47

15 months is quite good as laws go. Actually it's the latest in the world now. Sweden only rear face longer because they don't have any forward facing seats which pass the test for under 4 year olds. Germany has exactly the same laws as the UK!

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 05/05/2017 09:47

It looks good welsh but I always find seat belt ones move forward when breaking?

JennyOnAPlate · 05/05/2017 09:53

You can't dictate what they spend their money on, sorry. If you want a specific type of seat that they don't want to buy, you need to buy it yourself.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 05/05/2017 09:54

Or they simply dont take baby out in the car.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 05/05/2017 09:56

I NEVER wanted or expected anyone to pay £500, that was just a figure mentioned by another poster.

You mentioned £500 in your OP.

halcyondays · 05/05/2017 09:57

I think by saying "safest and good value for money" they were strongly hinting that they hadn't been planning to spend £500. If it's that important, offer to contribute to the cost.

welshweasel · 05/05/2017 09:58

blowing it doesn't move at all. It's to do with the way the base is designed. I was really sceptical but it actually feels as secure as our other seat (isofix) - it doesn't move more than a mm or so in any direction. Loads of my friends have bought them now too as their main seat.

QuintessentialShadow · 05/05/2017 09:59

Do you reckon your three year old will enjoy his/her rear facing car seat?
Will you need a second car seat there when you have child nr 2?

Your OP said £500, so I guess your inlaws are looking for cheaper options as the thought of spending so much on two car seats is quite insane?

How can you afford to fly out there 4-5 times a year, if you cant afford a car seat?

They did not amass their wealth by splurging on extravagant shit.

welshweasel · 05/05/2017 10:02

quint I've yet to meet a 3 or 4 year old who has always been rear facing who has had an issue with their seat. They get an excellent view, have somewhere to rest their legs (when FF they dangle down which a lot of kids find more uncomfortable) and don't know any different!