is 32 and 36 young to lose both parents

[Freddofrog1983]

I'm struggling at the moment. My dad passed away almost 6 years ago when i was 32 and my mum passed away last year when i was 36. Most of my friends have both their parents and all have at least one surviving parent. I know it's the grief talking but i'm feeling so upset when i think how many years are ahead with out them, i can't hardly bare thinking of it.

My mum was in her sixties when she lost her mum and my dad was in his fifties when his mum died.

I know there are children who lose their parents at a young age so I know I am lucky to have had them for as long as i have but I can't shift this horrible feeling of isolation and anxiety and i suppose a bit of fear that I have no birth family left. I have my husband and children but it's not the same.

I know I need to speak to a grief councillor but it's finding the time when i don't have my youngest as he is only 2 and I don't have anyone to have him and I couldn't take him with me as I wouldn't be able to concentrate.

I don't really know what i'm asking, just want to see if anyone else is in the same position and how you dealt with it? I can't imagine the rest of my life feeling like this.

Another thing i feel guilty about is, since my mum passed away I haven't really thought about my dad and yet i do still miss him but the grief i feel about my mum has taken over.

This thread has given me some comfort, so thank you OP for starting it.

I lost my dad at 22, and my mum last year at 30.

I think it is young when most of your peers still have at least one parent. So you are very young to have lost both. I have colleagues in their 60s with at least one parent and I try not to feel jealous but it's hard.

I lost my dad at 18 and my mum when I was 46.
The thought of being an orphan troubled me a lot and the fact that there was no one on earth that loved me unconditionally as a parent does made me feel very lonely and lost ... still do sometimes.
My best friend is 50 this year and still has both her parents and I look at her sometimes and wonder if she knows how lucky she is and yes sometimes I am jealous.
I think the best advice is to take one day at a time, accept there will be difficult days and treasure the happy memories
Be kind to yourself :)

I was 29 when my dad died, and 32 when my mum died. My mum died a week before Christmas, and I never really enjoy Christmas these days.

Truly, you're never old enough. I remember a priest saying to me once when I condoled with him on losing his mother "It's just that no-one will ever love you like your mother". It's heartbreaking. I lost my mother when I was older than you, my father when I was younger. It was hard both times but I guess harder the closer together. Remember the love. I am so sorry for your loss.

It is very young, OP. I lost my dad when I was 42, last year. Mum is still here. As an only child I am scared that when she's no longer around there'll be no one to validate all my childhood memories. to all those who have lost parents.

I wish i knew all of you in real life.... I have found it very isolating as literally dont know anyone who has even lost their mum, let alone both parents.
I find it so hard, am an only child too OP. Thank you for starting this thread, its comforting to feel less alone.

I'm really sorry OP.

I'm 23 and v. recently lost my dad suddenly. He was only 53. I looked up the statistics of when is the average age people die in the UK and it was in their 80's! So I suppose depending on how old their parents were when they had them you wouldn't expect to lose both until you were in your 50's.

Even though I have 'only' lost one parent it is a real struggle in terms of identity - often, and particularly if you are an only child, our parents are your roots, your link to your childhood, your support network. Now my dad is gone I'm caring for my mum. It is hard. I only know of two other people my age who have lost a parent.

Just had a brainwave moment - there are lots of us on this thread that have lost their parents young. Would anyone like to set up a fb group or is that a weird idea?

I lost my mum at 30, absolutely horrible and a big shock. So big hugs xx. (just don't call yourself an orphan though, in the nicest possible way x)

If you're on FB, there is a page called Motherless Daughters that has a very nice community feel. There's also a good book called Parentless Parents.

Sorry for your loss OP, I lost my dad when I was 40. I think this generation of kids will lose their parents earlier than previously because people are having kids later in life. I was 33 when I had my first dc whereas my mum was 18 when she had me & my gran was 20 when she had my mum & died when she was 85. So our kids will have less time with us because we've delayed kids for a while although it depends on when we die of course.

I also think it feels weird to be in that gap of not being a child orphan, but still not feeling old enough to have no parents. It's hard.

I was younger when my dad died and in my 30s when my mum died. My friend calls it the adult orphan club.

So many sad, sad stories. And here we are all trying to be grown up.

I made a group - message me if you want to be added! x

I feel exactly the same as you op and weirdly enough I wanted to start a thread saying what you've said, but I didnt think anyone would "get it" or reply, thats how isolated and alone I feel.

Thanks for starting this thread

I'm an only child as well, as lost my mum when I was 16, and my dad when I was 30. It hit me the hardest when I had my son and realised he would never have any grandparents.

OP - it's unusual these days. If you don't have any siblings especially. In Laws just aren't the same thing

Yes, it is young but I guesa it depends on how old your parents were. I was 22 when I lost my Dad who was 56, and I class that as young for both of us. My mum lost her parents aged 37 and 42, which is young, but they were both 86 when they died as they had her later in life. So a good innings, as they say. I have friends in their 30s who have both parents, four grandparents and, in one case, a great granparent. I can't help but feel envious. Try to focus on the good times and processing your grief, rather than what is fair or right. Life just sucks sometimes.

I lost my mum when i was 4 so it doesnt seem young to me.

Sorry for.your loss

To lose both of them it is young indeed. Sorry you've had to go through this. I lost my mom at 24 and whilst we're not playing top trumps, I feel jealous of those who parents died when they were in their 40s. I would have loved my mom to be around in my 40s.

sleepingbunnies

I lost my dad when I was 9 and my mum when I was 28.

I have been cheated of so many years and experiences with them.
It hurts, every day, that they never met my daughters and that my daughters never had maternal grandparents to love them and nurture them.
Every milestone stings when I have no parents to share their achievements with.

I also get cross when I see people take advantage of their parents, disrespect them, fall out with them etc. They just don't seem to appreciate them, but that is just my problem with my envious, skewed view.

I am so sorry for your losses, OP.
It is tough to lose your parents at any age.

There's a lovely thread in the bereavement section here for loss of parents that helps.