To not make his sandwiches?

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Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be bothered it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

Gawd. It's a sandwich. You're at home ffs. Make him some bloody lunch!

He's also at home. He simply can't be arsed. Did you not read the thread.

FWIW my DH often works 18 hour a days. He still makes his own sandwiches because he's a big boy and it takes FIVE minutes.

Gosh opinion is really divided!

Of course he can make his own sandwich but I'd probably side with Sonjadog and do it for a few days to get him in the habit and to help him if he's feeling tired. When he sees the benefit by not feeling so knackered, he will be in better shape to be bothered to make his own.
I'd buy 'grabbable' stuff to keep in the fridge e.g. pasta pots and the kind of bread and rolls plus fillings that are labour saving e.g. sliced bread and cheese slices - to make it quick and easy for whoever ends up making the sandwich. We quite often pick up reduced ready made sandwiches if we go shopping in the evening - they're fine the next day. Also make them easy to wrap...have some bags or whatever to hand.

You know what if you really loved him you'd get the kids in the car, at bedtime, around midway through his shift, get to his workplace and set up a camping stove or trangia and make him a proper meal.

You're just a workshy lazy besom who doesn't love her husband enough.

But she has to make lunches anyway...how hard is it to make his?

If you don't want it to be the "1940s" then why be a SAHP? I'm not being offensive I just don't understand why you'd take a traditional role and then not want to do it.

And people say we don't need feminism

Why does he sound useless, he might be a high earner.

But she has to make lunches anyway...how hard is it to make his?

Then why don't they take it in turns making lunches for each other?

Answer: because he can't be bothered.

Huge lol, she's a stay at home parent, she is not his parent. Stay at home parent is there to look after the kids. It is not code for housewife.

OP, it sounds like you have enough to do and he is capable of making his own sandwich. That said, this thread has made me realise how lucky I am. The current OH and me both work and manage to share chores and child care. Sometimes I'll do his pack up, sometimes he does mine. It usually depends on who has a spare 5 minutes. Sometimes I do it just because I love him. Sometimes I open my lunch to find wotsits and a frube - but I always forgive him! Sometimes it's a smoked salmon bagel and a cheeky love note! I can't believe people would start a gender war over a sandwich.

But she has to make lunches anyway...how hard is it to make his?

I make lunches for the dc because they are children and incapable of making their own. He also makes their lunch at the weekend or when he's home because again, they can't make it for themselves yet.

He can prepare lunch for the dc, he can prepare lunch for himself. Just like I have to for myself every day.

But she has to make lunches anyway...how hard is it to make his?

If it's not hard why can't he do it? Oh yes - he can't be bothered.

If you don't want it to be the "1940s" then why be a SAHP?

Erm, to stay home and look after your children?

I'm not being offensive

You are.

I just don't understand why you'd take a traditional role and then not want to do it.

Being a SAHP is looking after your children. It's a 24/7 role.
I doubt OP's DH is on duty 24/7, so he can probably find himself 5 minutes to make his own lunch.

It's not that you ought to at all, but it might be nice just to get him started on the idea that he would feel a lot better if he had a better lunch. Maybe later he could take over.

I agree you are not his mother, it would just be giving him something to be nice.

Maybe you could do something for yourself to have ready while your at it, so you'd save time later on that.

If the OP is doing some sandwiches for a few days, he will expect her to do it (being there, done that).
The only thing that will happen is that either she will then stop and he still will be too lazy to make some for himself. Or she will just carry on doing it 'because he is working so hard and he is obviously unwell from not eating enough'.

As far as I am concerned, he is doing his own sandwiches. It's his lunch.
If he the OP and her Do were WOH, then it would make sense to do lunch for arch other and take turns.
As it is she is still doing her own lunch, cooking dinner etc.

Besides, is he so incapable that he can't 1- realise he is hungry by himself and 2- able to solve the issue in his own, by preparing some sandwiches??
I would come to the conclusion that he is moaning a lot for very title if the discomfort he has at work isn't worth 5mins making sandwiches. Drama lala.

I make packed lunches for the dc, so I make one for dh as well.
I'm making them anyway, so one more isn't much different.
When they're on school holidays I still do too.
He's only ever moaned once. I think I'd not put enough lettuce in or something.
The next day he got half a cabbage instead. He hasn't moaned since

I'd put it in the category of doing something nice/ thoughtful for someone else to show you care, it has nothing to do with wifey taking care of her man like in the 1950s. Similar to de-iceing your partner's car (male or female) for them if you're up earlier than them or have more time. Running them a bath when they're tired or ill.

I make my DH his lunch every evening. There are the occasional nights, where I feel crap or tired, so I either don't make it or forget completely. Those days my DH buys lunch whilst he is at work. I make my DH his lunch, as like yours he would also soldier on with eating the bare minimum. He already does very long shifts, and it doesn't sit right with me that he struggles more than he has to. He also has the attitude of 'I can't be bothered', but his health is more important to me than having an argument about it each night. Also a SAHM.

If you don't want it to be the "1940s" then why be a SAHP?

Yanbu

My Dh makes his own sandwiches/left overs.

He once whined to me that his colleagues wife made his sandwiches for work, and as I was a sahm at the time, made them... he complained... I never made them for him ever again.

Your dp is a grown adult, and he can make his own bloody sandwiches!

Either she makes the lunch and he eats it or she doesnt and he eats what he wants. Either way is fine but to complain about what he does eat and then decline the option of changing it does seem a little odd.

He is a grown man. He can make his own food and eat it. This includes making his own food choices without interference from his partner.

If he sits on the couch fior a chunk of the morning waiting to go to work, he should make his own sandwich. Some lovely 50s attitudes on this hread... You're not his mum! Sure, it's good to do nice things for the one you love, but just because you have breasts doesn't mean you have to make lunch for everyone - especially if he's doing nothing else.

It's not that you ought to at all, but it might be nice just to get him started on the idea that he would feel a lot better if he had a better lunch. Maybe later he could take over

He's a grown man, she has not said he is so thick he doesn't understand food and nutrition, he eats as he does as he's too lazy to do otherwise.

And it's not a one off doing something nice, everyone knows it would quickly become "her job" .

It's not that you ought to at all, but it might be nice just to get him started on the idea that he would feel a lot better if he had a better lunch. Maybe later he could take over

It's actually depressing reading shit like this.

I'm guessing he can already make the correlation between eat properly/feel better.
Why treat him like an errant child?
Why mother him?

If my DH carried on like this, I'd think he was a fucking idiot. I wouldn't think 'Aahhh bless, he just doesn't get it. I'll put the effort in and help the little sausage.'

YANBU, he said he can't be bothered. That right there would be enough for me to refuse to do it for him.
If it was something he did himself anyway then I wouldn't see an issue with now again you rustling one up for him quickly in the morning, but the fact he's not even willing to do it himself would make me refuse to do it for him.

I have never made my OHs packed lunch in 20 years, I don't cook for him either.