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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make his sandwiches?

482 replies

DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 18:40

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be botheredHmm it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

OP posts:
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JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 18:54

OP food preparation then. If it takes five minutes, why can't you do it?

Timeforabiscuit · 04/05/2017 18:54

Id be asking where MY fucking sandwich has been hiding!!

He is an ADULT, HE CAN WALK, TALK, GO TO WORK AND IS Equally capable of putting two slices of bread together, a bloody earl could manage it during a card game ffs!

And notice how your five minutes is instantly to be used at his discretion rather than using his own time, its lazy, its selfish and it takes tge fucking piss that ovaries mean a person needs to run ragged servicing everyone else.

OP - sorry but this may have touched a nerve.

ijustwannadance · 04/05/2017 18:55

Can he not just go and buy something during his break or take a tin of soup to heat up in canteen?

He has the time. He is just playing stupid so you do it. If he feels shit it's his own bloody fault.

NinaMarieP · 04/05/2017 18:55

YANBU. My fiancé works full time, I work 16 hours. He makes up a sandwich for himself each night before bed, puts a banana and cereal bar/snacks into his bag. If I need a lunch at work I make my own.

I couldn't imagine him expecting me to do the sandwich making for him! Let him feel crap if all he can be bothered doing is grabbing some cereal bars. He's a grown adult for goodness sake. It's not like you're refusing to make his evening meal while making one for yourself...

monkeywithacowface · 04/05/2017 18:55

Good lord it's like stepping back in time on this thread.

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 18:56

takes tge fucking piss that ovaries mean a person needs to run ragged

Sorry to ruin your man hating but it's not because she's a she, it's because she doesn't work.

monkeywithacowface · 04/05/2017 18:57

If it takes five minutes why can't HE do it?

DirtyChaiLatte · 04/05/2017 18:57

OMG..... to all those posters saying why can't you make it for him as it only takes 5 minutes......

Well it only takes HIM 5 minutes too.

Why do we feel we have to treat our men like they're our children? As OP stated, he clearly has time to make them himself so why should she have to?

BlueChairs · 04/05/2017 18:57

It's. it that you're required to make them because you're a SAHM which I sense is what you're feeling here .. but whatever happened to just doing something nice for your partner ? He sounds knackered and maybe stressed/depressed because of his diet. Maybe just be kind ?
I'm not trying to judge here or be harping on at you I just think people forget sometimes along side the myriad of issues that come with relationships x

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 18:58

He works. She does not work.

The one who does not work should be in charge of the food IMO. I'd do it for my DP but then I don't have an axe to grind and an agenda.

Timeforabiscuit · 04/05/2017 18:58

Man HATING , you can fuck the fuck off.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 04/05/2017 18:58

I don't get any indication that the OP's DH is pushed for time. He just CBA to do it himself, and is asking for OP to do it when she's busy with the DCs.

He should be doing it himself. He can do them the night before if he was really pushed for time.

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 18:59

Time touched a nerve dear?

Timeforabiscuit · 04/05/2017 18:59

Genders flipped, its still shit to put upon another person a job your more than capable of doing yourself.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 18:59

He is generally good. We go through patches where I feel he isn't pulling his weight when home which affects my depression & anxiety but it is something we are working on together. It would be wrong of me to say he never does anything around the house or with the dc. He's not perfect but neither am I with my illness which can make life difficult for everyoneSad However I feel if he expects me to make his lunch for work, and I comply then it's a slippery slope, if that makes sense? And if I feel I can't do it for what ever reason then I'd be letting him down?

Our dc are 4 and almost 2. Forgot to say also that on this shift (he works a 3 shift pattern) he does pick the 4yo up from nursery also. (Although it was closed today for polling).

OP posts:
JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 18:59

But she doesn't work! It's about divide of labour not gender

Timeforabiscuit · 04/05/2017 19:00

Yes kitten Grin its called 9 years of packups!

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 04/05/2017 19:00

JustAKitten Thu 04-May-17 18:58:13

He works. She does not work.

Bullshit. She might not be doing paid work, but she's still working.

HandbagCrazy · 04/05/2017 19:00

I wouldn't make him anything!

I occasionally make a lunch / iron a shirt for DH (jobs I hate). I do it when I have more time than him as his job gets madly busy every few months, BUT the day he expected it, it wouldn't happen.

As for your DH, he is an adult. If he can't connect eating crap = feeling crap therefore, eat better, and organise it himself, I wouldn't step in to help. He sleeps until 10:30? What time does he get in? How much of the morning is spent led in bed relaxing while you run around sorting dc & housework?

sonjadog · 04/05/2017 19:03

I´m on the fence. I don´t think you should be required to make his sandwiches at all and if it is going to become your daily chore, then that is not okay. But if you feel he needs some extra support at the moment and having sandwiches made would help him over the current hump, then to me, that is part of being in a relationship. I think in the latter case, I would say I´ll do it for a couple of weeks. Give a time limit so it doesn´t end up as your job. For one thing, if he is eating better, he may be less lethargic.

DirtyChaiLatte · 04/05/2017 19:04

These are the attitudes (from the YABU posters) that makes men think that their wives will pick up the slack for all household and childcare duties! Because so many women allow it!!

YANBU

HaveAWeeNap · 04/05/2017 19:05

Make him a fucking butty.
YABU

DorotheaHomeAlone · 04/05/2017 19:05

He works. She does not work

She works kitten. She looks after the kids. This thread is fucking ridiculous. She should make his sandwiches while he sits on the sofa? If she loved him she would? Ffs. Angry

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 04/05/2017 19:07

Ooh tricky one. DH makes mine with everyone else's pack lunch as part of 'his' share of household tasks, I do baths/bedtime at the same time. However we both work so split tasks evenly.
My BIL is a SAHD and doesn't do much in the house at all. I think he should as my DSIS works long hours and gets far less downtime than him- she basically does everything for the kids when she is not at work plus a larger chunk of the household tasks as well. I think he's a lazy arse and she's a mug.
So in conclusion it depends on what balance you have between you with downtime really. Smile

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 19:08

DorotheaHomeAlone but food comes under the domestic sphere.

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