To not make his sandwiches?

[DeleteOrDecay]

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be bothered it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

Didn't expect this many replies so fast! Sorry if I'm struggling to keep up. I am open to the idea of maybe doing it a couple of times to help him feel better and then making him take over.

If you don't want it to be the "1940s" then why be a SAHP?

Ba ha. Because perhaps the OP thinks it's better for her dc to be at home with them when they're young? She's not at home to fetch her dh's slippers and pipe and look after his every need....

It's a SAHMUM not SAHWife.

JustAKitten and others, did you miss the bit where the OP has significant health issues? Why is the onus on her to make her husbands life easier by doing something 'nice' for him, but not the other way around? Why doesn't the husband use some of the time he relaxes in the morning to make himself a lunch, to reassure the OP he is taking care of himself properly and give her one less thing to worry about? Seems very one sided from some of you.

I get up first each morning and make us both breakfast and our lunches whilst DH is still in bed.... Does that make me a slave or a fifties housewife and DH a selfish knob? Some of you may think so. Others might think I'm an adult who makes my own choices about what I do or don't do in a relationship .Nor do I complain when DH does all the ironing whilst I laze on the sofa. Sometimes it's just nice to do things for other people and yes, sometimes your a bit worse off for doing it but FFS if you can't do stuff without conditions attached for your loved ones it's a sad world

LittleLionMansMummy - that's all well and good, but this prince is neither short on time, tired or ill. He simply "can't be bothered" to look after himself.

Really quite unattractive isn't it?

Yanbu. He has the time, he's just being a lazy arse.

Surely being a stay at home mum automatically includes stay at home wife/girlfriend because you're at home...and his wife.

It sounds like OP won't because she's making a point about it. Which seems silly.

If you don't want it to be the "1940s" then why be a SAHP?

Okay you're clearly on the wind up. Take it elsewhere because you won't get a reaction from me.

DH asked me to his sandwiches because he was " feeling rubbish at work " I'd do it, just as he would for me. I don't go with all the " he's a grown man " stuff. I know that DH is a grown man but if he was going through a rough patch and not eating properly through the day making a few sandwiches is hardly going to kill me but might make a huge difference to him.

Exactly. I would make a point out of it, because I care about my DP lmao.

Surely being a stay at home mum automatically includes stay at home wife/girlfriend because you're at home...and his wife.

You're quite obtuse, aren't you?

I'm not on the wind up. It's a valid question.

Insults because someone doesn't agree, so polite.

YANBU op.

I don't make dh's sandwich, but I make the bread for the sandwich.

I'm on the fence with this one yes he could make his own lunch, but if you are that concerned is it really hard to just make one for him?

Did you miss that OP has health issues? Also a valid question.

Just in that context, my "GF" stood for goady fucker, not girlfriend. Hth.

'Obtuse' is an observation, not an insult.

You know if your feeling down and ill its nice if someone makes you some nice food. Make him a sandwich or something till he gets better then he has energy to do it himself. Of only make sandwichs if you are making them for kids so every now and again he gets one. That way its not such a big deal.

Do those health issues stop her from making lunches for herself? If not I don't see the harm in making an extra one when she's already doing the food!

Ffs. Her DH is not going through a rougher patch than OP, who has health problems and two actual children to care for. She should be in the kitchen making him a sandwich while he sits on his arse? Seriously? If he wanted to alternate days and name food for her fine. But she is not a bloody servant. Incredibly depressing thread.

Justakitten, you're being obtuse.

If the husband was pushed for time, then it'd be fair enough for the OP to bung a sandwich together. He's not pushed for time. I bet he gets more leisure time than the OP does anyway. If he can't be arsed then he's can't be that bothered about it.

My ex's mother thought I was a terrible human being for refusing to make his sandwiches. I hardly had time to have a sandwich myself so why should I make his when he had plenty of time to do it himself?

You know if your feeling down and ill its nice if someone makes you some nice food. Make him a sandwich or something till he gets better then he has energy to do it himself

Oh the irony.
Did you not notice that in the OP it states that the OP is suffering from MH issues? Or does this not count as I'll?

WellErr oh look, sarcastic remarks. Such wit. Such eloquence.

I'm not obtuse. I'm asking why, if you hate the idea of being a housewife, would you choose to be a SAHP? It's a valid question.

And what's the harm in the husband doing it when all he is doing is sitting on the sofa?