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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make his sandwiches?

482 replies

DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 18:40

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be botheredHmm it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

OP posts:
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JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 19:19

Bluntness no it's called not having a stick up your arse about minor issues.

tigermoll · 04/05/2017 19:20

Another vote for YANBU.

He can't be bothered to feed himself properly ("breakfast bars" are just biscuits after all -- I don't care how much they say "packed with natural goodness" on the wrapper, they're basically sugar) and when you point out that he might feel less crap if he made something a bit healthier and more filling he says "I can't be bothered. You'll have to do it for me".

That's a world of difference away from one partner agreeing to make packed lunches as part of their division of household duties.

And I think, OP, if you feel like it's a slippery slope, then you're the best judge of that in your particular situation. I had a friend who made a big thing about making her partner's sandwiches every morning. She seemed to think it was this charmingly retro act of love and that he would appreciate how much he loved her. Did he bunnies. It was just one more thing that made him think it was fine to treat her like his personal house elf.

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 04/05/2017 19:21

OMG no. YANBU. It's not a proof of love to make or not make someone's sandwiches. It's what you do for kids until they're up to doing it for themselves. How does he want you to feel about him? Like he's your grown-up partner, or like you're his mum? 'I can't be arsed with this shit, Delete, but it's ok for you to do it' - thanks a bundle but no thanks!

LadyintheRadiator · 04/05/2017 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheshireChat · 04/05/2017 19:23

My DP hates making his sandwiches, however so do I so he didn't get far when he wanted me to do them. I don't even like making sandwiches for DS.

It also means I have to keep track of there's sandwich fillings etc. in the fridge and nope.

YANBU, do them as the occasional favour, but not because he can't be added.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 04/05/2017 19:23

This thread is ridiculous.

If he wanted a sandwich and didn't really have the time to do it, or watched the DC while you went to the gym/class/club/activity you wanted to do, then it'd be a nice thing to do to help him out, but I'll be fucked if I have to do something because my DH can't be bothered.

She doesn't work
Hahahahaha

if you loved him enough
Hahahahahaha

I am a sahm, my DH works full time with fairly long commute. He cooks twice a week, does some household jobs at the weekend and irons his own shirts.
Not because I'm lazy or I don't love him enough but because he appreciates I'm at home to raise our DC not to clean the house.
We share stuff cos he's not a dick. And I'm not a walkover.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2017 19:24

justakitten are you being goady or can you really not see why a partner who is doing nothing and watching someone run around after two very young kids to stop and make his lunch for no other reason than he just can't be arsed is in any way wrong?

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 19:24

Lady he's asked her to do a small act that will help him feel better. It's pretty much the same.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 04/05/2017 19:24

I can't believe some of the responses on here. For a minute I wondered if this was actually MN!

YANBU. He is perfectly capable. He is just lazy. No way should you run around after him. I'm a SAHM too, also with health issues, and I don't do every little thing. Why should I, I'm not a bloody skivvy.

LadyintheRadiator · 04/05/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 19:26

Bluntness I'm not being goady. I just think the SAHP should do the domestic stuff.

RainbowChasing · 04/05/2017 19:26

What is wrong with some women on this thread?!?! Just because she is at home all week rather than working full time in paid employment does not mean that every task within the home is hers. He is miserable because he's hungry yet he can't be bothered to do anything about it. If OP had said he works 80 hour weeks and doesn't have time then that would be different but he isn't saying that. If he can't be bothered then why should OP have to do it? It's him that feels rotten. It's time he took personal responsibility for his own well being.

TealStar · 04/05/2017 19:27

Good god, the 'man' sounds pathetic. Get him to make his own. If it's such a 'small act' it won't take him five minutes.

Longtalljosie · 04/05/2017 19:28

I work the hours your DH does - and then get up and do the school run. Tell him from me the fact late shifts make you want to sit on your arse staring at the TV doesn't mean you have to. They're like evenings at the start of the day. Of course he can make a bloody sandwich!

GardenGeek · 04/05/2017 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 19:29

This shite really fucks me off.

It's only 5 minutes. It's HIS sandwich. Why the fuck can't he make it!?
His reason for not doing it is 'can't be bothered.' Aka 'too good for it.'

Bunnyfuller · 04/05/2017 19:29

Gawd. It's a sandwich. You're at home ffs. Make him some bloody lunch!

hazeydays14 · 04/05/2017 19:29

Seriously?

YANBU.

I would possibly agree that you were if he had a better reason than 'can't be bothered'. What is he, a petulant teenager?

Ignore the 'if you loved him' brigade.. You can love your partner and do nice things for him without those things being making his lunch because he's lazy.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2017 19:29

Bluntness I'm not being goady. I just think the SAHP should do the domestic stuff

Clearly you are being goady as no one is that obtuse.

But nice attempt at knocking it up a level.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 19:30

I'm just not anti men and anti being nice to the person you love.

I am not anti men and I am definitely not anti being nice to the one I love.

I wasn't expecting everyone to agree but I am quite shocked at the suggestion that if I won't make him sandwiches then it somehow means I don't love him enoughConfused

On this shift he works till 9:30pm.

OP posts:
DreamingofItaly · 04/05/2017 19:30

I saw this on the internet...you could do it once like this. Hahaha.

For the record, if he's sat on his arse for ages before he goes to work, he can do it.

To not make his sandwiches?
CheshireChat · 04/05/2017 19:30

But I'll happily bake DP a cake etc. because it's an occasional thing, not yet another bit of daily drudge work. Massive difference.

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 19:30

JustAKitten

The P in SAHP stands for Parent. It's not an S for servant.

PeaFaceMcgee · 04/05/2017 19:30

It's the reason behind the request Kitten that smacks of the OP being 'less than'

Happyhippy45 · 04/05/2017 19:30

Make him a sandwich for a couple of days. He'll realise he likes having lunch. Then point him in the direction of the ingredients.

I make my DH and ds sandwiches to take to work......but I'm not working just now (health condition.) If I didn't make them they would stop at Greggs on the way in for one. They COULD make their own lunch but I choose to. If I cba or not feeling up to it, they don't mind. probably because I feed them the same bloody thing every day

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