AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

[whatafaff]

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

Don't worry what :)

I am intrigued (nosey) when and how you decided to give your children breakfast in bed, especially as it didn't happen to you in your childhood. It is such an odd thing to do imo.

Well I do most of the household stuff including cooking in our house as I work PT to my DHs full time job And he doesn't really cook either BUT if I'm not around for any reason or just tired then it's a frozen pizza or a take out. And I have expected DS to be able to put something basic together for himself since he was about 11.

Honestly op, this isn't normal.

You don't need to feel guilty and repay like this. I'd sit down and think about it. You think your mum was a martyr, you hope you've not turned out that way, except you've gone a million times further than her. You take your husband breakfast in bed daily and feel the need to lie if you can't make a proper dinner to his satisfaction even though it's because you are tied up with the kids,. You are equal partners. This is a really weird way to live.

It's totally fine to take short cuts - who doesn't? You sound like you work really hard looking after your family. No guilt. You're doing great.

Orange -I actually can't remember how it started. I don't do this on weekends though.

DH is out tonight (for dinner ), but I will talk to him about how I'm feeling kind of lost at the moment. Thankyou for all this!

Lol, it sounds funny hearing Clapham described as fancy pants! I used to go to school there, and apart from the roads around the commons (Wandsworth and Clapham) it was fairly working class, and the Winstanley Estate was notorious!

Definitely no Wholefoods in the NE. We have to travel over 20 miles into Newcastle for a (tiny) Waitrose and over 50 miles, down to Ripon for a Booths, FFS!

Thankfully, we have some bloody great independent producers, though not much to be found in the way of local veg because the ground doesn't grow much, here. Local organic lamb is a cheap as chips, though!

PickAChew

Are the proper Waitroses in Ponteland or Hexham no closer for you?

Don't worry OP. Have faith in what you're doing and know that your kids will have benefitted hugely from all your input over the years - not to mention your DH.

Your DH sounds like he has quite high expectations, but applies these to himself as well. Your relationship sounds fine to me. It may well be time for you to find a focus, other than the family. Hopefully he will understand this and support you. Good luck!

How did breakfast go op?

Thankyou Anon.

Dishwasher - I'm embarrassed to say breakfast was as per usual this morning. But I had a chat with DH late last night and I told him about the Wholefoods scenario and that I feel under pressure due to his diet and expectations around food provision. He said he knows I'm running around after the kids a lot and he's sorry and then he said he's taking the kids camping at half term (with some other dads) and he will check me into a spa with the other wives (to be fair, two of them are good friends). He always offers this as a solution to everything . He does mean well but I told him I'm feeling quite strange and aimless st the moment. I don't think he knows what to say to that, but then I don't either and I need to work it out for myself.
Thankyou so much again!

So nothing changes, you just get a week to relax and refresh and then back to normal. It sounds quite patronising.

What was his suggestion regarding Tuesday meals?

Fuck the spa. He needs to step up on a day-to-day basis.

I know. I am going to talk to him about everything because I need to find out what his perceptions are as well. I was just quite tired last night. I do feel better than yesterday though.

OP, if you can't be honest about how his dinner was made, what else can't you be honest about? That's pretty worrying. Just be honest.

I should add that if he doesn't appreciate you bringing decent food from Whole Foods for his 'clean eating' dinner, he should bloody make his own!

Much further, Barbara. We can't even get deliveries, here.

"Have a spa break" is perhaps the most sexist, most patronising, there-there-little-woman response he could have come up with though isn't it? Just a sticking plaster to shut you up

She didn't get what you were saying at all did he?

He's going to book you into a spa with the other wives? Are you kidding me? Why can't you make these decisions yourself and book yourself in if you wish to go? Do you have no say in your life and it's like he is the boss and gets to decide on what uou do? He's going to book you into a spa with the other wife's?

Honestly that's even worse than the breakfast thing. By a long shot..it's actually quite shocking.

Say you don't want a spa break, you just want him to help you out more and take more responsibility.

I think "fuck the spa and start treating me like an equal" would just about sum up my reaction. OP your thinking is so conditioned it's untrue

You sound like you are the household servant. Can everyone not make their own breakfast ? I hope your DH does the food shopping for his special diet? I don't understand why he doesn't do his share of the cooking? What does he do around the house?

Why don't you book yourself a mid week break somewhere you want to go to and let everyone sort themselves out!

What a privileged life! No say, no agency, working from 5.30am-10pm doing drudge work for people capable of doing it themselves... Personally I'd rather live in Kennington, go to work and shop at Aldi with my equal husband than live in Kensington, stay at home and pretend not to shop at wholefoods so I don't upset my master. Of course you could be rich and not have to skivvy for your keep and there'd be nothing wrong with that. Op you deserve better.