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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 03/05/2017 08:11

Doesn't your crotchety toddler have a friend whose mum could bung him in front of CBeebies for an hour? There are loads of ways to get around this, as a single parent I variously swapped with friends or paid babysitters.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 03/05/2017 08:11

Ours run a creche now, but before they started that it was difficult, tag teaming didn't work as unless by chance there was someone you knew with a close but mot overlapping slot you wouldn't be there at the same time (school send out a slip with your time not a whole class list of times so you had to ask around parents you knew). Then if you did plan a tag team you'd find someone's slot overran and messed it up. Or you'd find that all the other parents you knew were booked in for the other night to you. Or had already got grandparents coming over.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:12

That's the thing. I'd be the only one having to ask and I hate it!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 03/05/2017 08:13

If you genuinely don't know anyone who could look after your children I think you have more serious problems than just attending a PE - what would happen if you were rushed into hospital, or worse, surely you need to at least try and get to know other parents, people in your community etc to have some sort of 'support network'.

GreenFox17 · 03/05/2017 08:14

YABU - If you have concerns/issues or just want more than 5 minutes to chat to DC's teacher then call the office and arrange an appointment.

AnathemaPulsifer · 03/05/2017 08:14

If the school is so tiny that you know for a fact you're the only one with an issue, surely you'll have got to know the other parents fairly well?

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:18

I don't understand Ana. I do 'know' other parents but I don't think I'm very clear what exactly is being suggested I do.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/05/2017 08:18

I don't think it's unfair. There's so many suggestions given on this thread - the fact that you won't/can't consider any of them (for whatever reason) is unfortunate rather than unfair.

They'll be threads on here about how it's unfair that people who've bent over backwards to sort childcare have turned up to find other parents didn't.

One of the things we teach our children is that the whole of life is "unfair" (we've all heard "That's not fair!") and yet as adults we seem to grizzle about it just as much, if not more so, than children.

Nutterfly · 03/05/2017 08:20

I think it's fine for them to ask but not great if they don't make exceptions for those without support. I'm a single parent without family and am relatively new to the area. Fortunately, I only have one DC but if I didnt this would be a real problem for me.There's also a huge difference between a parent letting their three year old run riot and a baby asleep in a sling.
All those appearing to say it's fair seem to have support, another parent at home, or money for a babysitter.
Make the rule, sure but they do need to make allowances. Not everyone has support.

Sirzy · 03/05/2017 08:22

Maybe just talk to other parents and ask them to help? Not complicated surely?

halcyondays · 03/05/2017 08:22

it's not standard practice, our school has no problem with it. Some people don't have anyone to look after their dc.

GreenFox17 · 03/05/2017 08:23

Nutterfly Then it's not a rule is it and not fair either? Where do you draw the line? At what age?

If you can't make parents evening then arrange another appointment with the teacher when they've got more than 4/5 minutes to see you alongside 25+ other parents. It's common sense.

halcyondays · 03/05/2017 08:23

Being rushed into hospital is somewhat different to ateending a parents evening

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 08:23

You may well not be the only one asking. How do you know?

Batgirlspants · 03/05/2017 08:24

ask what other parents are doing and see if you can watch each other's toddlers in the playground.

It's primary school not GCSE year

App1eCakes · 03/05/2017 08:24

How long is the parents' evening, OP?

Ours used to be over several hours and I used to swap babysitting at home with another parent - we would go to an early slot and they would go to a later slot. Kids were fine at home with a bit of entertainment.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:27

I don't think any other parents do have toddlers actually. I've never seen any at pick up or drop off. And asking 'a favour' can be very hard, to be honest Sirzy. Anyway I wasn't really asking for advice more moaning :)

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 03/05/2017 08:28

Which is why many have suggested the OP makes an appointment for a day and time she can do.

Two different teachers on the thread have explained that toddlers roaming and wrecking the room is the issue, so as a pp said already there's debate over what 'under control' looks like - sitting still, letting parents talk/ trashing the place.

It's a shame it's not possible to take your children to this particular night OP but you could try explaining to the school your difficult and I'm sure they will look for another appointment for you. A toddler might be easier to accommodate in a different room on a different day when there aren't thirty parents to cram into five minute slots all in one evening and something has obviously happened that meant they had to limit what they could cope with on these busy nights.

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 08:28

Moan to the school. See what they say.

thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 08:29

Ask for two slots for your child.

I hope you're fucking joking!!!

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:30

I'm happy on here thanks sparkling :)

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 03/05/2017 08:30

"Teachers would never cope with a real world, shift-based having to work during school holidays and bank holidays type job. For an employer that doesn't recognise unions."

Only shift work is in the real world?? What a silly thing to say. Loads of people do much less work than a teacher. 9-5 Monday to Friday.
I did have to work some evenings last week and I was 'giving up my evening' even though I can claim the time back.

yetanotherdeskmove · 03/05/2017 08:31

Ours does this, we get a friend to babysit.

MiaowTheCat · 03/05/2017 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penfold007 · 03/05/2017 08:31

I think it's a reasonable request, it allows the child the meeting is about to be the focus and maintain their privacy. You've been given some great tips but they may not work for you especially as your partner insists he must go if he's not working. So you take your toddler and simply state you have no childcare.