Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
24HourTrainer · 03/05/2017 07:15

We have our TAs run activities outside but, if this isn't possible, I entirely understand why the rule exists.

"you'd think they'd just request children to be kept under control so to speak though!"

But in the short time they have to discuss the child's education, they don't want to stop and explain that your other children aren't under control and then argue about what constitutes 'control'.

I'm sure that parents who contact the school who really don't have any other alternative will be accommodated but as a general rule, it makes sense.

"Don't they find it adversely affects attendance"

At my school we have very good attendance although it does tend to be the parents you most want to see who don't make the effort to come. The parents who take an interest in their children's education and need these meetings the least always seem to be able to find a way to attend.

Firenight · 03/05/2017 07:15

Only one of us ever goes anyway as it usually means taking time off work and leave is too precious to do anything but alternate attending school things.

The younger sibling is usually with their ordinary childcare; the school age child waits in the school library.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 03/05/2017 07:19

Rather than blame the school, blame the parents who have spoilt it for others by not controlling their chidren or removing them if noisy etc.

Primary school parents evenings are just minutes and don't tell you much, it doesn't need both parents.

BollardDodger · 03/05/2017 07:20

It's only a request. Its unenforceable. Do they seriously expect you to source childcare for a five minute meeting? Or for those that cannot source such childcare, will they criticise you for being disinterested in your child's education?

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 07:20

You're not missing anything anyway. Primary school ones really don't need both parents to go unless there's an actual proper issue to discuss.

I would agree with that. I was all excited for the YR one but after that quite happy not to be the one going.
You would hope that if there's a major issue it wouldn't wait til PE.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/05/2017 07:20

"Leave them with your dh'
"Hire a baby sitter"

You're not living in the real world, love.
Not everyone is a 2.4 family, and hiring baby sitters doesn't come cheap.

rollonthesummer · 03/05/2017 07:21

It's probably because some parents let their young children run wild around the classroom, wrecking the place and then walking out leaving the teacher to clean up after them.

This is exactly right. We have requested that parents keep their children under control and they don't. We have had toddlers screaming and tearing up school books throughout appointments whilst the parent does nothing and it's just unmanageable.

Do you really both have to go? I don't think my DH has ever been to a primary school parents evening-I just tell him what's been said.

Or you could offer to start a crèche? We used to pay our TAs to run one for parent evening , but we can't afford to do that any more as they are all being made redundant as we have no money.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 03/05/2017 07:23

You're not missing anything anyway. Primary school ones really don't need both parents to go unless there's an actual proper issue to discuss.

Both parents are usually invested in their childs progression.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2017 07:23

"Yes, but it means I won't get to go, which is what I'm upset about"

You're not missing anything anyway. Primary school ones really don't need both parents to go unless there's an actual proper issue to discuss.

I think the op is a single parent so no one goes.

I certainly wouldn't have been able to attend any primary or senior school evenings.

Ds was not the quietest child but I managed to see teachers.

I didn't know any school didn't let children in

MyOtherProfile · 03/05/2017 07:25

OP people have already suggested doubling up with another family to look after each other's children while you go in so I'm not sure why you're still saying you can't go. We never take either of our children in to the actual meeting. .. we leave them in the playground with friends and then take a turn watching other people's children for a bit when we come out. I really don't want children in the room for those precious few minutes when I actually get to talk with the teacher.

Bringbackpublicfloggings · 03/05/2017 07:26

I didn't get to go to my sons parents evening. Dp was at work and I have no one at all to look after his sibling. The school were adamant that I couldn't bring him with me, even though they know we are new to the area and don't yet know anyone.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 03/05/2017 07:26

you'd think they'd just request children to be kept under control so to speak though!

Yes but how many parents do you know and how many threads on MN are there about kids who aren't being kept under control and the parents just smile on and are like ''they're so cute! So much energy!''?

I think its fair on a couple of levels:

-You have full attention on the teacher.
-You can move around the teachers faster without a younger kid in tow.
-Younger kids can't sit still for all of those meetings with the best will in the world.
-It gives the child who's parents evening it is some one-on-one attention with you. As a child who had a brother with behavioural issues he was always the focus but going to parents evening alone it meant my parents were focused just on me for a change and acknowledged the praise I was receiving. (May sound a bit weird but if you grew up with a sibling like that you'd understand).

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:26

No, I'm not a single parent but I would like to go myself for various reasons. If DH is at work then no one can go, if he isn't at work then he will insist on going (as he doesn't get to go to the school as much as I do.)

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 07:26

I could be just as invested in my child's progression when DH would come home and tell me about it. I didn't have to be there.

At First school the appointments were available between 4-6.30pm meaning many working parents couldn't go anyway.

BestZebbie · 03/05/2017 07:27

Isn't this partly to protect your older child's privacy, (and) so that little brother doesn't come home and start saying "oooh, your teacher says you're really stuuuupid" etc etc?

meditrina · 03/05/2017 07:28

Thank you for that Awwlookatmybabyspider

just because a solution may not work for everyone, does not mean it's not a solution. After all, even OP mentioned grandparents, which couldn't have worked for us (dead or distant).

I note you do not comment on the possibility of becoming active in PTA to ensure there is a crèche. Or are you just going to say that no matter how important the end result, not everyone will have time so that shouldn't be considered either?

I did forget to mention the other one which is a bit of child swopping with a friend, so one watches whilst the other goes in. But presumably that's out too because some people don!t have friends.

So suggesting any work round is going to fail.

No wonder MN doesn't feel supportive any more. What's the point in offering work around for OP to think about if it's just going to lead to a flaming?

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:28

Possibly, although if they are old enough to do that then they can sit quietly in a corner with a book, I would think.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 03/05/2017 07:28

I'm with the school on this one. Why do two parents need to be there?!

We always have one of us stay home with the younger ones, and back when it was just me and DC1 pre DH i used to just hire a babysitter for an hour whilst i went up there.

The teachers are giving up their evening to talk to parents about their school aged child, its absolutely fair enough that they-and other parents- don't want this disrupted by noisy children.

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 07:28

But if neither parent could attend they offered an appointment after school on a different day or a phone call.

Newtssuitcase · 03/05/2017 07:29

No children at our primary parents evenings (although some always refuse to follow the rules and bring theirs). Only the child being discussed is allowed to attend the senior school evenings.

I would agree that the infant evenings are so short anyway that they are practically useless. You're better off asking for an appointment if you have things you want to discuss in any detail.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/05/2017 07:29

It's probably because some parents let their young children run wild around the classroom, wrecking the place and then walking out leaving the teacher to clean up after them

Exactly this. We had to say this after a part

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:30

Bit confused with your post medi to be honest but I'm sorry if you feel someone's not been supportive.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/05/2017 07:30

Ops pressed too soon ....

A particularly bad parents evening.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:31

They aren't giving up their evening, it's directed time :)

OP posts:
BollardDodger · 03/05/2017 07:31

Primary school ones really don't need both parents to go
They don't both need to go, but the minute someone starts taking a back seat, it'll tend to stay that way.