Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 08:33

So you aren't going to at least ask the school if they can do anything to accommodate you? Confused

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:34

Thanks rumbling :)

OP posts:
paxillin · 03/05/2017 08:34

I only once had a little one in the classroom for parents evening. Might as well not have gone, an interesting room full of stuff at child's eye level made it impossible. Used a babysitter or friend ever since, slots are 10-15 minutes, there simply is no time for toddler-wrestling.

Etak15 · 03/05/2017 08:36

Wow I'm glad our school is accommodating on this, I've always had a little one (or 2 or 3) In tow at parents eve, they just come in the classroom with me and play with their sibling (whose parents evening it is in the classroom) or if they were baby would sit on my knee for 5 mins while I talk to the teacher. Is the school suggesting that you can't manage to keep your own child settled and quiet for just a few minutes?!
If my dh is at work I'm at home and vice Versa so we would never be able to attend together. Also I like to book spots straight after school so I don't have to go trailing back later on. Ours have recently started having the option of during the day appts too so that makes it a bit easier only have the toddler with me then!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/05/2017 08:38

Is the school suggesting that you can't manage to keep your own child settled and quiet for just a few minutes?!

Well the truth is some parents can't. As has been said by some teachers on this thread.

Dulra · 03/05/2017 08:38

I think this is a fairly standard request tbh. Our kids school do the progress meetings as a sort of a speed dating thing so you get a 15 min time slot and they really keep to time. Nothing stopping you co-ordinating with another mum/dad so you can go in and she watch kids outside or in a local playground and then its her turn.

BarbarianMum · 03/05/2017 08:39

Our school runs a creche for the little ones and school aged siblings wait in the library when it's their brother/sister's turn. I can see why the school don't want other children at the meeting but just saying "No siblings" is a bit shit imo. Very easy for them to provide an alternative.

sleeplessinderbyshire · 03/05/2017 08:39

We have no family within 200 miles. We simply pay a babysitter. For those people saying they can't afford this, speak to other parents and swap childcare. I cannot imagine taking my kids (unless one was a tiny baby asleep in a sling). It's not fair on the teacher, not fair on you, not fair on the child. Our school starts parents evening at 330 and last slot 640. Not ideal as so early and often a struggle to get to the late slots from work but nonetheless there are options for child sharing and certainly for earlier slots not uncommon for kids/sibs to play in playground with another parent watching for the 10minutes it takes to see the teacher

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:41

Thanks Miaow and others who's names I can't remember - I just feel that to plonk two squirmy toddlers on some mother who, if she DOES have toddlers they are at home being cared for by her mum or sister - would make me the subject of an AIBU thread Smile

OP posts:
Serafinaaa · 03/05/2017 08:42

I'm a primary teacher and my school has no rules about siblings. I've had the child concerned getting involved in the discussion, younger children playing in the background, babies being fed... we let the parents decide if they want their children in or not. I tend to put some toys on the floor and colouring etc out for children to use if they come.

If I couldn't take my baby (and older child) to my older child's meeting then I would struggle to go too. My partner is in the forces and I'd have to find someone to look after both of them for 10 minutes only!

AlternativeTentacle · 03/05/2017 08:43

"Teachers would never cope with a real world, shift-based having to work during school holidays and bank holidays type job. For an employer that doesn't recognise unions."

What an interesting and thoughtful post. Most of the teachers I know, left the teaching game and are now quite happily working in the real world, during school holidays and with or without a union. Including me! And earning twice as much. So nob off.

GreenFox17 · 03/05/2017 08:47

So you don't think anyone else has any toddlers... Maybe the letter is aimed at you specifically then ShockGrin

You've come on here asking AIBU, the majority say yes but you're not willing to accept ANY alternative suggestion! You're just looking to be awkward!

If a meeting with the teacher is SO important to you, then make an appointment outside of parents evening! Angry

I bet you're every teachers nightmare (future teacher and DP is a teacher)

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:49

Maybe it is Green :) I feel your assessment of the thread is rather off though. As I am asking if the school is unreasonable - some say yes and some say no. It's not a resounding YABU despite the fact that some posters who feel strongly have posted repeatedly to share their view.

OP posts:
GreenFox17 · 03/05/2017 08:49

Teachers would never cope with a real world, shift-based having to work during school holidays and bank holidays type job. For an employer that doesn't recognise unions

FYI teachers DO work in the school 'holidays', they just don't teach children (some might tutor). Teachers are busy planning, marking, catching up on paperwork, preparing the class for new term, odd jobs around the school etc!

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 08:49

I hope you learn some manners before you undertake your teacher training green and some respect for parents never goes amiss either.

OP posts:
paxillin · 03/05/2017 08:50

Hm, not landing another parent with two squirmy toddlers is too much, but going to a meeting with two squirmy toddlers is useful?

GlacindaTheTroll · 03/05/2017 08:52

"I just feel that to plonk two squirmy toddlers on some mother who, if she DOES have toddlers they are at home being cared for by her mum or sister - would make me the subject of an AIBU thread"

Well, just plonking would. But actually talking to someone in advance and trying to book successive slots with a helpful friendly person wouldn't seem remotely U (except to those spoiling for a fight - what is wrong with suggesting a babysitter FGS)

Amaried · 03/05/2017 08:52

I think the people who are suggesting ignore and bring kids along regardless are off their heads, Who wants to get off on that foot with their school?!

Standard practice where I am.

KERALA1 · 03/05/2017 08:54

Pal up with other parents in the same boat. When we at this stage we would have friends kids at ours while we went then vice versa. Seems a shame so many people are so insular. We have network of 4 or 5 local families with kids same age and all help each other out with stuff like this.

GreenFox17 · 03/05/2017 08:57

Soyamilkisniceintea

Oh don't worry, I am professional when conversing and working with parents. I know the difference between working professionally and MNing Wink

Blobby10 · 03/05/2017 08:59

I dont think my husband ever came to a parents evening after Year 2 with our eldest as he stayed at home to look after the 3 kids. It was a blessing for the teachers when he stopped going because he used to waffle on for far too long about the children and outside interests and stuff that was nothing to do with parents evening! Our appointments took way too long.

And this continued with High School and Secondary School Parents Eves as well - it was just easier for me to go on my own and ask all the 'right' questions !!

wigglybeezer · 03/05/2017 09:00

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned ( although DS3 didn't finish primary until last year) but i usually went on my own and left DH looking after the other kids, DH was perfectly happy with hearing edited highlights, it isn't meant to be a public display of commited parenting, getting your kid to school on time, in uniform with homework done covers that imho. If you had a tricky problem to tackle with the teacher then back up would be desirable...

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 03/05/2017 09:16

This thread is very odd in light of your other thread saying that you're a teacher and can't get a job Hmm

Surely you had come across occasions where younger children aren't allowed at school functions, as a parent and especially as a teacher yourself?

It feels like there is something more to this thread.

Kewcumber · 03/05/2017 09:17

You say you are very close to school (if DC1 is walking), parents consultations are 10 minutes usually 20 max. So assuming no overrun you'll be out for 30 mins, with overrun no more than an hour tops. Pay a babysitter for an hour to look after DC 2 at home, let DC2 do something they aren't normally allowed to do (watching TV, playing on tablet etc). And apologise to babysitter in advance and say your DC2 is likely to cry.

Or ask school if any TA's could do childcare - one of ours does for £10 an hour.

Or arrange a different time when you can arrange for someone to look after your DC2

Or ask to have 2 consultations one for your DH and one for you (5 mins each and the other looks after DC2 in the playground).

If your DH is working rearrange consultation for when he isn;t.

I'm a single parent with the worlds clingiest child and I managed to work it out. You have to get a bit more creative. And asking for help is the key - school, friends, TA's etc

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 03/05/2017 09:19

We also have a network of friends in the same year we help each other out all the time but it never worked for parents evenings as by the time you factor in getting home from work, extra-curricular activities for DCs, clashing slots, parents eve being spread over three nights it just never worked out.