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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
belgina · 03/05/2017 23:10

None of the schools we have experience with asks this (2 primary, 2 secondary so far). Odd that it seems so common.
In our case it would cause an issue. Because I haven't got many friends I can ask, nor any family nearby.

PrivatePike · 03/05/2017 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lukesme · 04/05/2017 06:32

I am a single parent with no support locally no family and I work so although I get off early for parent consults I couldn't do the swap thing. Fortunately I have twins in the same class and they come with me and sit in the book corner. Might be more difficult as they get older but it's that or nothing

JustMumNowNotMe · 04/05/2017 07:04

Precisely star! Worked for me pre-DH and as he is off for a 6 month work placement abroad i will utilise a babysitter agian for my lot for the summer show, parents evening and anything else that comes up between June and December!

It does seem though that babysitters are a truly foreign prospect on MN Confused

Funnyfarmer · 04/05/2017 07:26

Why does everyone think that all toddlers constantly run round like maniacs? I've taken my dd to everyone of older dds parents evening. She just sits on the chair next to me. Or on my lap. Never a problem.
I've never seen toddlers run riot at parents evenings. Most are usually just strapped in a pushchair

MyOtherProfile · 04/05/2017 07:31

OP it feels like you're making an insurmountable problem out of this. Is it your first PE? You've got years of these to come so need to put things in place. At our school there are always lots of children milling around waiting for parents to come out. Nobody takes their children in. I'm sure you can pick one of the many suggestions on here and make it work.
And please don't think it's being entitled to ask for help. It's more entitled to assume your child is the exception to the rule. Community works by people helping one another out. Someone might be pleased to help with your child so they can then get help from you in a similar situation.

Andbabymakesthree · 04/05/2017 07:40

we don't have childcare either family friends or paid for.

If we did we'd be using it to grab some couple time not parents evening.

I could set up a PSA thing in hall but again same old people doing the work as usual. So for sake of 5 mins parents evening I get to give hours of my time organising and doing a creche.

Also the parents evening is one of the few times my partner and I get a chance to come together with the teachers and the children see that we care!

Schools are about children. As such they need to be family friendly. Deal with those who are disruptive not penalise the others!

Andbabymakesthree · 04/05/2017 07:43

JustMumNowNotMe

Even if we could find a baby sitter there is then the matter of paying for one. If we could afford that then like I said we'd actually use it to nick out somewhere for an hour or two together not pay to go to a parents evening.

Sparklingbrook · 04/05/2017 07:44

I would agree schools are about children. Of school age.

Carriemac · 04/05/2017 07:45

I find it baffling that people have no access to childcare. Have you never had a sitter ? Do you never go out as a couple? Have you no Friends?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/05/2017 08:00

Schools are about children.

Of school age...

Lweji · 04/05/2017 08:04

So, OP will you be joining the PTA and organising a creche so that all parents should go to the meeting?

MiaowTheCat · 04/05/2017 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 04/05/2017 08:13

Totally agree with Carriemac - it puts you in a really vulnerable position if you don't have any access to childcare; what happens if you are rushed into hospital or there is some other emergency?

I know it's not always easy, when we had our first child we had moved to a new area, DH had a new job, knew no one, no family within a two and a half hour drive but we made a real effort to join community events, help out with neighbours, join clubs etc etc and that way we made friends and got to know people who could then help us when our baby arrived (just as well as he was born with serious medical conditions and we needed help).

So often on Mumsnet you constantly read that 'we don't know anyone', 'can't get childcare' etc sometimes you just have to make the effort. And it works the other way too, helping your neighbours when they need help.

Ragwort · 04/05/2017 08:15

Miaow - please see my comments, do you really not even speak to a neighbour, help out at a local group - you are in danger of isolating yourself and your children if you don't at least try.

And no, I have never spent time agonising over F & B paintcharts, I have spent time setting up a toddler group and doing meals on wheels - does that make me some sort of yummy mummy Hmm.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2017 08:25

Miaow. I am the same. No family no friends close by and in mn world everyone lives on an estate with families of the same age and goes to church on Sunday.

In my area when we moved in we were the youngest residents by about 20 years. My neighbours are a residential home for the disabled. They own 3/4 of the street and my neighbour on the other side was a very nice gentleman in his 80s. Everyone else was in their 60s/70s/80s. The road is in the middle of nowhere and there isn't a village community. So I haven't left my children with a babysitter or family or friends as I too have no one.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2017 08:32

I am slightly surprised about how people don't have local friends or know other parents they could ask for help from. Understandable if you have only just moved into an area but if you have been there sometime not sure how that can happen when you have young children.

Surely you take them places to socialise and also your children must have friends who they want to see, so then you meet their parents. They might not end up your best friends, but surely there must be someone you can ask for help in certain circumstances (and likewise you can help them).

paxillin · 04/05/2017 08:43

No family nearby or no family at all is something that can't be helped sometimes. Having "a network of mummy friends on speed dial" is a choice you made (or didn't make) though.

It is a necessity for many working parents as well as single parents. It's not just parents evening, if you didn't make these connections you can't get stuck in traffic or have a minor operation? Can't imagine there are schools without single parents or working parents who would find such connections useful.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/05/2017 08:50

As long as one of you can go to parents evening, I don't see the problem. We have dc 5 and 3 and I wouldn't expect to take 3yo everywhere. Dh would stay at home with both dc and I'd go on my own, or vice versa.

If it's really important to you to go to events together, you need to sort out local friends or childcare.

Headofthehive55 · 04/05/2017 14:32

I've moved a fair bit and it does take time to build a network. You have to invest in those relationships, lots if coffee dates etc.

So many women work that it's difficult to get to know others.

I had a wide circle of friends but had to go to hospital suddenly in the day. Not a single friend was available as they were all at work!

TheExuberant1 · 04/05/2017 14:40

Why is so hard to believe some people don't have access to sitters? I have lots of family but none of them live locally to me so they can't just "pop over" for an hour to have the children. I won't pay for sitters form a sitting company because I don't want strangers looking after my children. Most of my friends work in the city doing long hours so I can't really ask them for a on the whim favour or when it comes to PA!
My husband likes to attend PA he is also interested in his children's education therefore, we take our children and so do lots of the parents at our school. Doesn't seem to be an issue.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2017 14:51

When dc were in first primary, I worked so it was a case of drop and run. Same with pick up although it was quite a friendly school and one of the mums used to try and get all the mums together at least once per term.

My issue is a friend who has children similar age went to another school and no one spoke to her. She got a little paranoid as she once, only did it the once, didn't have the nerve to do it again. Went up to speak to a group of mums at the school gate just to say Hi. They ignored her and closed the circle up so she was stood staring at someone's back.

I thought that was rude but when I changed primary in year3 to another school I got the same treatment. I don't know any parents from my dcs school from year 3 onwards. I stood in that playground alone untill dd left to go to Senior school. I home edded ds for 2 years and when he went back to school in year 6 to a different school I had the same experience.

If you work or no one talks to you how are you suppose to meet these people who are going to look after your children

Carriemac · 04/05/2017 14:55

Would nursery nurses or playgroup leaders be acceptable babysitters? That's what we used to start with when we moved to a new area. Then an older lady up,the road babysat for us for years, and some local teenagers. My kids have benefited hugely from these relationships, and now babysit for their ex babysitter children.and of course umm we met through swimming, toddler group, other parents using our work crèche. How is it possible not to know anyone who can help? Have you never helped anyone else out?

.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2017 14:55

I have loads of friends that I have met over the years from the extra curricular activities dc did. But none of them live near me.

1AnnoyingOrange · 04/05/2017 14:56

I think this has raised the point of how isolated people get

Who is there for you if you have an emergency/once off/occasional? Who do you know locally who you can ask?

Who are you there for locally? Who can ask you and do they know?

Where we live there are a lot of people who's families have mostly been in area for generations or who have big connections to them. There is a long list of people who can help but conversly who they have to help.

Then people who moved here for work (I am one of them but my DH is one of the above). Some of them have got support they can call in, others not and it is not until a hospital admission/A&E visit some haven't really actively thought about it. I am still working on my network!

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