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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
Chinnygirl · 03/05/2017 17:05

Op, why can't you get a babysitter and still go? I think I missed that point, sorry.

Chinnygirl · 03/05/2017 17:06

Some toddlers with SN can really be unruly at times like these so I could understand the school making a rule for everyone that they can't attend.

TheExuberant1 · 03/05/2017 17:07

I always take my children, they are older now so can sit outside with a book and when they were younger a sibling would sit on my lap. It is this or I can't go and our teachers have always been fine with it, I think they rather me there than not!

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:07

Ah chinny, we've been through this. PE is just at the point in the evening when the younger ones will want me. They will be exhausted and liable to be screamy and fraught. Not if I am there but if I'm not they will just cry and howl. Plus, finding a babysitter for an hour in the early evening may well prove tricky. I don't have a steady stream of trustworthy babysitters. In fact, I have no babysitters at all! :) Anyway, let's not rehash the whole thread.

OP posts:
melj1213 · 03/05/2017 17:07

This is hardly a new policy - I remember being in primary school and my grandparents came to babysit us whenever it was parents evening because kids were never expected to attend.

It's one thing if you're a single parent and have absolutely no other option but to bring younger siblings to PE (and I'm sure the school would be understanding if you explained the circumstances), but if you're just bringing them along because both parents want to attend YABU.

Any school requesting that no younger siblings attend are going to understand that whilst they want all parents to attend, some families will have to only send one parent as the other will have to watch the children. If they object to that then it is their logic that needs questioning, not the individual policy of no children at PE.

You have a couple of options:

  1. Both parents go, and take the children and piss off the school just for the sake of both parents attending.

  2. Both parents go but get childcare - whether it's a neighbour, older kid or another parent who isn't attending.

  3. One parent attend so the other can stay at home with the children and feedback the info

  4. If absolutely no option but to take the other children, find some way of keeping them quiet and occupied so that they aren't disturbing the meeting

  5. Arrange another time to speak with the teachers if you have a specific issue you feel the need to discuss

MongerTruffle · 03/05/2017 17:08

At our school they have a crèche.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/05/2017 17:09

It only takes one to kick off scarlet. Or to go wandering and interrupt your scant 5 minutes. And yes, it has happened to me. Last parents evening a 3yo boy who wanted to chat away to me. Which would be charming at another time, but not when I'm discussing DD with her teacher. His parents were busy chatting uninterrupted to their DC's teacher

mrsmuddlepies · 03/05/2017 17:09

The OP doesn't want helpful suggestions or solutions. She just wants to moan and moan and moan.........

Dlpdep · 03/05/2017 17:09

I've seen people describe them as squirming raging ball of unimpressed toddlers at times and docile at others. It's really hard to gauge it.

I think your idea of scrapping PE is really probably the most reasonable solution for all involved.

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 03/05/2017 17:10

I really am going to hide the thread^ Grin, but it just occurred to me - how do you^ manage PE when you're working, if you have no childcare? I know the teachers at my DCs' secondary school are frequently working in the evening (and bless them for it I say) and I can't imagine any of them being able to do their roles without childcare or a SAHP, tbh.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:10

I've been trying to wrap the thread up!

You're right though, I don't, because there aren't really any :) Either DH goes or if he can't neither of us can. Okay - but then it's annoying when the school get shirty about non attendance at PEs!

OP posts:
Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:11

When I was working I just used to have to negotiate things with DH. If I had a PE DH would take a day of leave. They are given well in advance.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2017 17:13

The OP doesn't want helpful suggestions or solutions. She just wants to moan and moan and moan.........

At the school, at pps, anything else? Might as well get it off your chest. Grin

Chinnygirl · 03/05/2017 17:14

I did read the thread and said that if the kids are difficult then it might be in your best interest to still get them used to someone else. You said that they weren't difficult but now you say that they scream and cry when you are not there. That was actually what I meant really. Maybe difficult sounded to you like naughty but I didn't mean it that way. Difficult to me coukd also mean difficult on this kind of situations. English is not my first language, maybe a different word would have been better but I can't come up with one. I did read the whole thread.

melj1213 · 03/05/2017 17:14

Either DH goes or if he can't neither of us can.

Those are not the only two absolute options.

There are other options buyt you are either unwilling or unable to use them ... that is not the school's problem. They are your problems and if you won't/can't solve them then why bother posting for advice if you never had any intention of using any of the advice you have been given. ?

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:15

Televisions, Lweji.

MY television!

Chinny, they are very young. Most of the time they are pretty good. But when it's bedtime, and they are tired, and someone they've never met before is trying to put them to bed, yes, they would probably let you know about it :) I think that's fairly normal for preschoolers.

OP posts:
Dlpdep · 03/05/2017 17:16

It's a novel idea, negotiating with your DH, but it might just work!!

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:17

:) had we had a little more notice at the exodus of toddlers we would have.

OP posts:
SparklyUnicornPoo · 03/05/2017 17:27

DD's school don't allow any children at parents evening, even the child you are there to talk about, DS' don't allow siblings, its a flipping nuisance as I haven't got anyone local who can watch them. Both schools send home letters telling us that 'parents are expected to attend.'

Generally I go while DH stays with the DC (because DH is rubbish at remembering what was said).

User998877 · 03/05/2017 17:33

If both of you going is an issue, then take turns.

You don't have to attend every PE to validate that you are invested in your child's education. At our school I rarely see both parents there.

IMO if there is something you need to talk to the CT about then PE is really not the time to do it. PE is more about how the child is progressing and what you might need to do to support at home. There really shouldn't be any surprises.

MSLehrerin · 03/05/2017 17:47

Am I being thick here?

The school has, presumably, made this rule due to past experiences. It's their school so their rules.

You've had lots of solution focussed advice given OP and haven't agreed to try any of them. I feel now that you're being a bit obtuse. Ok you came on for a bit of a moan and people have made sensible suggestions but you've thrown a spanner in the works of each of them.

Either get a babysitter somehow or one of you stay at home and look after your DC to allow the other parent to have the quality professional dialogue your child deserves.

It's a bloody Primary school parents evening ffs not an entrance interview for fecking Oxbridge 😐 bit of a grip needing to be got imho.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 17:48

Yes, the advice has primarily focused on either using a babysitter or another parent, neither of which are doable, but thnak you for your reply.

OP posts:
MSLehrerin · 03/05/2017 17:56

Why can't one of you stay at home? I just don't get it. Then that parent can go to the next one? You're just being bloody awkward imho. And definitely DO NOT ask for more than one appointment by the way.

MSLehrerin · 03/05/2017 17:59

Teachers don't give a shiny shite which parent they see tbh. The main thing is that someone is there. Once you're out the door you're forgotten about, unless you've either been a total pain in the arse (for whatever reason!) or brought a quality gift (*joke alert here btw!) then you'll be the stuff of staffroom legend for ages.

Butterymuffin · 03/05/2017 17:59

They are doable. You've just decided you don't want to do either of those things.