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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could be with someone who ate lots of crap

180 replies

user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 17:28

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, he's about 4-5 stone overweight. It wasn't an issue at first but the amount of shit he eats puts me off him. He's a lovely guy and we really like each other.

Just an example of what he eats day to day:

Full English breakfast, kebab and chips for tea
or panini for lunch and pie and chips from the chippy
or ham egg chips for lunch, pizza for tea. All washed down with loads of squash.

AIBU to be put off by this?

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 02/05/2017 17:31

Yes. Too many carbohydrates, protein & fat in that diet. Not enough fruit & veg.

Perhaps ask him to go to Weight Watchers? Or buy him a scales and diet book?

Mooey89 · 02/05/2017 17:33

YANBU.

I once dated a guy who had lost 15 stone! He ate really well during the week but 'treated' himself at the weekend. He was obsessed with food. I mean OBSESSED.

He had gold top milk. The kind that's cream. He would have an Indian take away on FRiday, so big that it was delivered in a box, dominoes on Saturday (full English in the morning) - dominoes was a large pizza, two sides, dessert AND a whole tub of Ben and Jerrys!!!!! And then another take away of epic proportions on the Sunday.

I couldn't take it, it used to make me feel sick. And I speak as an overweight person.

Camomila · 02/05/2017 17:33

YANBU it's up to you what you find attractive/deal breakers in a potential partner.

Personally I'd be put off too, especially if I was thinking long term because a)I like cooking/variety in my meals and would want to share cooking with a partner b)I'd worry about their long term health and c) I'd want any dc to see their parents modelling good choices/eating a healthy diet.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 02/05/2017 17:34

No I don't think I could tbh. I love my food as does my husband but everything in moderation is key. My husband has a friend who I would say is morbidly obese (definitely weighs over 20st and is about 5ft8in) he never stops eating and eats so quickly it makes me feel sick, he would say he gets pleasure from food but tbh I think he's addicted to it and doesn't even taste half of it.

Lonelymummyof1 · 02/05/2017 17:36

Sounds like my diet haha
I love carbs

Pigwitch · 02/05/2017 17:36

Maybe he can't cook ?
You could introduce him to some healthier options.

witchofzog · 02/05/2017 17:37

Watching with interest because my dp does this. I have tried talking to him because I worry about his health but he just thinks I am being controlling

JustAKitten · 02/05/2017 17:37

I could. It's not up to me what he eats, I'm not his mother.

Oly5 · 02/05/2017 17:38

Is be mostly worried about their health and risk of heart attack etc.
Can you talk to him and say you're worried about his health?
Lack of fruit and veg etc is really damaging

SeekingSugar · 02/05/2017 17:39

No. It's ok for me to eat crap but no one else is allowed to.

IAmTheWorwax · 02/05/2017 17:39

No it would drive me crazy. I'd end up huge too I think.

Headinthedrawer · 02/05/2017 17:39

Honestly no I couldn't be with someone who ate like that.I'd find it really unattractive.

bigchris · 02/05/2017 17:40

I couldn't start off with someone like that,no, the health implications would out me off

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 17:43

Not really your business although of course you don't have to keep seeing him.

Please don't ask him to go to WW - I can guarantee that he is aware that it's not healthy.

Or would you be fine if a man told you that your diet was terrible?

It's fine to be put off by it but you don't have the right to try to change him.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 17:44

And don't patronise him by offering to teach him to cook. As a grown man he could learn, I'm sure, if he wanted to.

Lonelymummyof1 · 02/05/2017 17:44

This morning I had a sausage subway.

Lunch - han n cheese baguette, crisps and chocolate

Now mcdonalds
Large chicken nugget meal, double cheeseburger and large chocolate milkshake

Haha

But I am a good person and have never hsd a problem dating and current boyfriend is fine even though he eats differently.

I do not really care what someone eats its their choice.

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 17:47

No, I couldn't

I wouldn't ask him to change or make suggestions etc, but I wouldn't keep dating someone with issues like that

I would let it go if it was temporary, like during a house move or other upheaval, but if it turned out to be their normal then no

For one thing I wouldn't be able to have sex with them, the smell of take away coming out of pores for 24hours puts me off I just couldn't do it, I don't even like cuddles after a take away. Which is fine if it's occasional but no cuddling or sex every weekend ??

Also, I wouldn't want to advance a relationship with someone who is reckless about their future like that. He's putting himself at a huge risk of disability in the not to distant future and whilst I would have a relationship with someone who was disabled, I think its a totally different kettle of fish to be around someone who is doing their darnedest to actually cause themselves life limiting illnesses

TwentyCups · 02/05/2017 17:49

I couldn't. I would prefer us to have similar tastes and choose similar types of places to eat out. If someone ate like that I don't think we could be together, just polar opposites. I'm also sure many people would hate to be with someone like me - I'm very particular and strict on healthy foods.

However don't mention weight watchers or anything like that. If he is happy how he is that's his decision, and if he isn't happy then you may make him feel awful.

I would cook some dishes you enjoy to eat together. You never know he might like them and then there's no issue Smile

Fairylea · 02/05/2017 17:53

It wouldn't bother me at all. I eat healthily myself but if I liked someone enough to date them I think I'd see past the food / weight issue. The health bit would possibly worry me a bit but I really do think there is a huge genetic link to a lot of things and some people just seem to get away with murder. (I'm looking at my dad who still works full time at 78, smokes 40 a day for the last hundred years and drinks like a fish, has never eaten a vegetable in his life. The only thing he's ever seen a doctor for is an ingrowing nail....!)

sailorcherries · 02/05/2017 17:54

No I couldn't date someone like that long term. It just doesn't interest me and it doesn't seem to have much variety.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 02/05/2017 17:55

Men are grateful for what is put in front of them. If you go log term you'll be doing the cooking anyway Grin if only because you cant stand what he eats.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 17:57

I'm actually Shock at the posters who think telling him to go on a diet/teach him to cook etc are acceptable ways to behave.

OP you haven't been with him that long - is his behaviour is causing you to start a thread complaining about him already, that's a pretty good indication that it won't work unless he changes - and he shouldn't have to change. He knows what he is doing to himself (contrary to popular belief, fat doesn't equal stupid) - if you can't accept that then let him find someone who csn

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 17:57

Men are grateful for what is put in front of them. If you go log term you'll be doing the cooking anyway grin if only because you cant stand what he eats.

Wow. There are no words...

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 17:59

I would hate not sharing meals with him at weekends
I would hate the amount of money spend on take-aways if we progressed to sharing a life together (I'm quite tight, he might hate that? nobody's perfect but that doesn't mean we should put up with each other)
The smells would annoy me, the rubbish, the waste

It's not just "his weight" if it came to a serious relationship

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 02/05/2017 17:59

Off to make healthier meals together. .
Single men can become lazy with eating habits but easily retrained imo (from experience!!( Dh cooks more than me now!!)