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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could be with someone who ate lots of crap

180 replies

user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 17:28

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, he's about 4-5 stone overweight. It wasn't an issue at first but the amount of shit he eats puts me off him. He's a lovely guy and we really like each other.

Just an example of what he eats day to day:

Full English breakfast, kebab and chips for tea
or panini for lunch and pie and chips from the chippy
or ham egg chips for lunch, pizza for tea. All washed down with loads of squash.

AIBU to be put off by this?

OP posts:
ShelaghTurner · 02/05/2017 19:05

The idea that he'd be 'looking for all you can eat buffets and meal deals' is fucking hysterical. What a pile of crap Hmm

PovertyJetset · 02/05/2017 19:05

I told my now DH that I wouldn't be in for the long haul unless he gave up smoking.

It's a lifestyle choice that's incompatible with starting a family in my world view and so we had that conversation.

He gave up smoking and now instead of being told he would have emphysema at 40 he runs marathons and lives very well.

I have my standards and I expect you do too. Don't settle for less than what you want. Ultimately that diet is killing him and storing all sorts of potential health problems for him.

JustAKitten · 02/05/2017 19:05

Obviously all fat people are constantly on the prowl for an all you can eat ShelaghTurner.

MrsEvadneCake · 02/05/2017 19:06

Livia nailed it. Don't like it, don't be with him.

It would be carnage if a man posted this. Women jumping about saying you can't control her eating.

SMH.

HunterofStars · 02/05/2017 19:09

I agree with Livia. If this was the other way round, it would be classed as abusive and cries of LTB. OP, move on.

user1493022461 · 02/05/2017 19:11

I wouldn't go out with someone who was 4-5 stone overweight, no matter what they ate.

BuzzKillington · 02/05/2017 19:12

The squash would put me off - not very grown up, is it?

Also, the fact he's massively overweight would be a no-no.

I am shallow.

Arkhamasylum · 02/05/2017 19:13

I would be seriously put off by someone who detailed my eating habits on social media for strangers to judge whether I was worthwhile going out with or not.

HTH.

Olddear · 02/05/2017 19:15

I would say the same as I said upthread to anyone, male or female.

Purplepicnic · 02/05/2017 19:20

I think it would stress me out because I'd be worried about his health. So it would put me off him, yes.

MrsEvadneCake · 02/05/2017 19:22

Olddear posters like you, saying you couldn' t go out with someone like that are perfectly reasonable. You don't like it. Fair enough.

It's the comments about send him to a diet club or train him to cook better etc. that I have an issue with.

This is a fundamental thing. How he eats and looks after himself (and I'm saying this as a fatty) and you don't get to change people fundamentally.

Renaissance2017 · 02/05/2017 19:26

Depends how perfect you are OP......

Olddear · 02/05/2017 19:29

MrsEvadneCake You're right. If that's the lifestyle he chooses, there is little you can do about it. the change has to come from him.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 19:30

I agree with Evadne

expatinscotland · 02/05/2017 19:33

'Depends how perfect you are OP......'

No, it doesn't. People are allowed to be attracted to, or repulsed by, whatever they please.

Olddear · 02/05/2017 19:38

Exactly expat someone so overweight and ate junk would be really unattractive to me.

Karanka · 02/05/2017 19:57

Not U at all, but then I would define 'crap' as whatever fashionable superfood people are gullible enough to pay a fortune for.

iloverickastley · 02/05/2017 20:43

I am married to Mr Beige Food, and TBH it's not great, and if something happened to him I would definitely take food preference into account when choosing to be with someone, just as a compatibility issue.

When I met DH he was a little overweight and lived off chocolate and bacon butties. Despite me offering him whatever meal I was cooking ( I enjoy a good mix of foods) he would turn his nose up and make himself some beige freezer food or a have pizza/ kebab. He is actually a far better cook than me, and does fab roasts etc, but prefers to eat shite.

He can eat what he likes as far as I am concerned of course, but it is a big piece of incompatibility between us. I'd like to eat out somewhere nice, he wants kebab and chips.

Inhaling takeaway should be a shared activity, :)

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 02/05/2017 21:43

I would be likely to be put off as it's not a lifestyle that I'd wish to share, and would find it draining resisting temptation in order to live a fairly healthy lifestyle myself. If it was limiting his activity level, it would also mean that we had little common ground.

If it was someone I cared about deeply, I'd worry about the impacts on their long term health and significantly increasing the risk of serious health conditions or premature death (DF died fairly young in no small part due to his lifestyle)

User99573864 · 02/05/2017 21:48

No, DH and I have similar tastes in style of food, so we like the same restaurants and the same meals, if he loved chips I couldn't live with him, I hate chips!

MycatsaPirate · 02/05/2017 21:56

The food on that list is fine. As long as it's not every day. Or even weekly.

I think everyone has a fry up once in a while or a kebab. But everyday?

He's a walking timebomb.

DP can cook. Admittedly his type of cooking is NOT the same as mine but he's learned from watching me and how I cook using healthier choices and more veg etc.

So no, I'm not sure I could cope with someone who had a chippy or kebab every day.

GetInTheFuckingSea · 02/05/2017 21:59

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest but then again I don't tend to get my knickers in a wad about what people eat and in particular I don't think what people eat makes them either good or bad people or is worthy of a value judgement. It's. Just. Food.

However ymmv so if it's an issue for you then go ahead and dump him. Everyone has different priorities.

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 22:04

I don't tend to get my knickers in a wad about what people eat and in particular I don't think what people eat makes them either good or bad people or is worthy of a value judgement. It's. Just. Food

There's a massive leap between judging whether or not you can have a relationship with someone based on their choices, an calling them a bad person!

The OP is not judging some aquaintance or friend who eats like this, she's questioning whether she can have a relationship with this person!

JustAKitten · 02/05/2017 22:11

Why would someone's food even affect your relationship? Not being able to eat at the same places? I'm a picky eater, I'll go to restaurants I don't like and eat beforehand to be with DP.

It's not an issue unless you're pretty shallow.

Original poster
user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 22:24

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated Smile

I won't give up on him, he has asked me if i'll teach him how to cook, so I will do that, and hopefully encourage him to eat more healthily.

One of the main reasons i'm concerned is that he will have a heart attack or die in his sleep Sad I really care about him.

OP posts:
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