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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could be with someone who ate lots of crap

180 replies

user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 17:28

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, he's about 4-5 stone overweight. It wasn't an issue at first but the amount of shit he eats puts me off him. He's a lovely guy and we really like each other.

Just an example of what he eats day to day:

Full English breakfast, kebab and chips for tea
or panini for lunch and pie and chips from the chippy
or ham egg chips for lunch, pizza for tea. All washed down with loads of squash.

AIBU to be put off by this?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 18:00

Is it only single men that get lazy? As for 'retrained'? Wow - men aren't dogs.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 18:02

Fwiw I eat shit and don't cook and I'm FEMALE Shock

And anyone who I was dating who suggested I go on a diet would be told to fuck off for being controlling.

But I'm sure the infantilising is okay (teach him to cook???) as he's only a man and you should of course be able to control what he eats

Glittter · 02/05/2017 18:03

YANBU, that would put me off too. I like food and eating out but there is no way I could be with someone who ate so much junk. It makes me feel sick reading what people eat (some posts on this thread😲) so I couldn't actually watch them do it!

JustAKitten · 02/05/2017 18:04

Livia well said.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 02/05/2017 18:04

Just to be clear - it's fine to not want to share your life with someone who eats like that, but the onus is on you to leave, rather than him to change

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 18:05

It makes me feel sick reading what people eat (some posts on this thread😲) so I couldn't actually watch them do it!

agree, me sat there grimacing wouldn't be fun for either of us.

TwatteryFlowers · 02/05/2017 18:12

I eat a crap diet some of the time so I am in no place to tell anyone else what they can/can't eat. Anyone who is, for want of a better word, forced to go on a diet will fail and end up feeling like shit and I'd hate for someone to do that to me. The only reason I've lost weight and, so far, managed to keep it off, is because I decided for myself that I was overweight and wanted to make a change. Dh has played no part in that whatsoever because it's my body, not his.

TwatteryFlowers · 02/05/2017 18:13

In short, I agree with Livia

Kokusai · 02/05/2017 18:15

No, because I like eating nicely and cooking and going to eat out in fancy pants restaurants and I don't think we would be compatible

Mermaidinthesea123 · 02/05/2017 18:17

Sounds like my ex husband who would fry meat in lard every single night. It was intolerable as were the lard stains he left everywhere for me to clean up.

Pinkheart5917 · 02/05/2017 18:18

Are you attracted to him? In any relationship I would want attraction.

If you don't want to be with him fair enough, but his an adult and can eat what he likes and I'm not in to judging people food choices/telling them to join weight watchers or asking if they want me to teach him to cook, I can't actually believe people have suggested that

OldJoseph · 02/05/2017 18:19

Couldn't be with someone like that, nor could I be with anyone who was an excessively healthy eater or obsessed with food in some other way. Found a colleague annoying once because she commented on my choice of biscuit every day.

gunsandbanjos · 02/05/2017 18:20

Totally agree with kokusai, I eat nice food and like going to fancy places. Someone shovelling in a tonne of beige food is not for me!

Crispsheets · 02/05/2017 18:21

No i couldn't.
He'd be looking for the all you can eat buffets and meal deals.
And drinking squash?

expatinscotland · 02/05/2017 18:22

Applauds Livia. Move on, OP.

Olddear · 02/05/2017 18:30

No, I really couldn't. And I'll be flamed for this I know, but I couldn't have gone out with him in the first place.

gunsandbanjos · 02/05/2017 18:30

I find gluttony deeply unattractive.

MagicMarkers · 02/05/2017 18:34

No, I couldn't. The 4-5 stone overweight would also put me off. You don't have to go out with him to be kind or to prove that you're not judgemental.

Alconleigh · 02/05/2017 18:36

I went out with someone who would constantly eat chocolate bars and other crap. Wrappers falling out of every pocket. And yet suggested we cook meat in water as it's more healthy than oil Hmm. No concept of healthy eating, and got fatter and fatter, in a really mooby, love handley, female pattern way. I found it repulsive. But the real reason why is that I didn't love him. And that's why it infuriated me so much. If it hadn't been that it would have been something else!

tillytrotterstootsies · 02/05/2017 18:51

Nobody should try and control another adult's eating habits, or patronise them with 'teaching them to cook' and 'taking them to weightwatchers' offers.

Livia has summed it up nicely.

However, I wouldn't be attracted to someone 4 or 5 stone overweight in the first place, and gluttony is a deal breaker for me, I can't stand it.

Mummy - doesn't it scare you the amount of salt never mind fat in that diet? Fair enough now and again but if it's your regular diet then you'll be in for major health problems in the future. Genuine question and not meant in a nasty way I promise.

Bubblesagain · 02/05/2017 18:55

Everything Livia said basically. I can't believe people would be buying scales and suggesting weight watchers a couple of months into a relationship HmmShock

MyKingdomForBrie · 02/05/2017 18:56

YABU for saying 'all washed down' - such a disgusting phrase!

As for his eating habits - well it seems a bit odd given that you knew how over weight he was, it was a fair bet that he didn't live on salad. If it's a problem for you either see if he's up for trying out healthy eating or just leave now, doesn't really matter if anyone else would mind or not.

HappyAxolotl · 02/05/2017 18:57

No, I couldn't stand it. It wouldn't be the fact that they were overweight but the slovenly lifestyle that got them there that would turn me off.

Same goes for someone I liked but who smoked with no intention of quitting, or who had unhealthy drinking or drug use habits. They'd be pushing themselves towards early ill health and as their partner I'd be having to deal with it.

Same for someone who is slim but lazy. They wouldn't be able to keep up with me and eventually toddler-parenting would all fall to me while they lounged in front of the telly stuffing junk in their mouth. It would be a complete incompatibility.

OTOH if someone were overweight but still fairly active, interested in going out and doing things with me, experimenting with food and looking after himself, yep I'd date that man if I liked him.

pardreg · 02/05/2017 18:58

Yuck no I couldn't do it 🤢

BoboChic · 02/05/2017 18:59

Absolutely not. DP and I very much have in common our appreciation of very high quality food!

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