Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could be with someone who ate lots of crap

180 replies

user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 17:28

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, he's about 4-5 stone overweight. It wasn't an issue at first but the amount of shit he eats puts me off him. He's a lovely guy and we really like each other.

Just an example of what he eats day to day:

Full English breakfast, kebab and chips for tea
or panini for lunch and pie and chips from the chippy
or ham egg chips for lunch, pizza for tea. All washed down with loads of squash.

AIBU to be put off by this?

OP posts:
Quickieat2 · 03/05/2017 19:46

Yes we all have vices. I wouldn't date an alcoholic or a gambler. I would date a sports fanatic

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 19:46

So if op was saying her fella was criticizing what she ate she would get told to get rid and he was controlling. He's probably clueless and will enjoy nice food just not been told

except thats not the reverse of the op...

CatThiefKeith · 03/05/2017 19:50

Dh eats shit all the time. Lives on pizza, pasta, takeaways etc.

Dd and I had mussels and garlic prawns served with asparagus tonight, his pizza has just been delivered. Hmm

Given up trying to change him now, I just make sure Dd and I eat reasonably well and leave him to it!

expatinscotland · 03/05/2017 19:56

'Tinsel as far as vices go, food is mild. It doesn't impact others like smoking does. '

No, it most certainly is not. It's fast on the way to becoming a leading cause of premature death and disease, especially as rates of smoking continue to fall.

JimBullardBullard · 03/05/2017 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 03/05/2017 20:20

No I wouldn't date someone like him because I am into nutrition and health so we just wouldn't be compatible. Many people hugely underestimate how harmful a poor diet is (until it's too late of course), and don't get me started on those who abuse their bodies and say "well, we're all going to die of something"Hmm. We can get away with eating crap for years but it's slowly damaging our cells, which eventually catches up on many people (think type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, neurological diseases, etc). I'm not anti the foods he eats, but I'm definitetly anti the frequency. Also, where's the fruit and veg?!

I find gluttony, bad food choices, and either inability or laziness regarding cooking extremely unnatractive. That's just the mental aspect. I wouldn't have dated him in the first place because being 4-5 stone overweight I just wouldn't find him sexually attractive no matter how nice he was.

he has asked me if i'll teach him how to cook
Why has he not taught himself? There are plenty of books or videos that he could've used.Confused I don't like playing teacher to partners because it can easily change the adult/adult ego states to parent/child. Not good.

KeepingitReal2 · 03/05/2017 20:43

Huge deal breaker for me due to careful eating most times

noeffingidea · 03/05/2017 20:55

I wouldn't want to be with him either OP. At least, I couldn't live with him. I might be able to date him.
Things like kebabs, delivery pizza and Mcdonalds actually make me feel sick (the smell and the sight of them) and I don't like having them in my house.
As to him being overweight, I'm overweight myself (though not that much) and I know I shouldn't judge, but I do. It really depends on if he was trying to lose it and get fitter. That's one thing, but if he's content just to lounge about on the settee eating crap and getting bigger, then I wouldn't want to be with someone with that attitude.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/05/2017 21:11

I'm saying most people have vices and as far as vices go this isn't too bad.

It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me because it's a 'vice'.

It would be a deal-breaker for me because it's a basic incompatibility issue.

Yes, I like the odd takeaway and crap meal, but on the whole I like to cook and eat nutritious food, and as a family during the week we eat decent food together. To have a DH eating unhealthy food, separate from the family, all the time wouldn't work. Likewise, if it were me doing it, it wouldn't work for him either.

We like food. Nice food. Cooking and sharing it together. Going out to restaurants. And lots of other food-related stuff.

We also like getting out and about at the weekends, biking, walking, hiking, etc. I can't see someone who's 4-5 stone overweight really getting on board with this ^^ sort of lifestyle, so that's why it would be a deal-breaker for me.

I think the OP also recognises these basic incompatibilities for herself, but for whatever reason, isn't willing to heed them. Flowers

Luttrell · 04/05/2017 13:42

He eats like a baby. I would be put off by the immaturity and unwillingness to grow up and eat like an adult.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 05/05/2017 10:40

Oh fuck off about not being an adult unless you eat fresh healthy tasteless shite everyday. Who doesn't love a greasy kebab with a shit ton of lettuce and onions with mayonnaise, think that's dinner tonight sorted!

JaxingJump · 05/05/2017 10:49

I think we all indulge at times, and we all feel rotten after indulging too much at times. But however much I am fine with people's choices in what they eat etc, when it comes to my partner I couldn't cope with seeing him eat rubbish regularly, or worse, eating multiple portions of rubbish regularly in one sitting. I've recently been having a chocolate something every night with my cup of tea and it's a bit yuck, I even feel that. What is horrible about it is that I don't even enjoy it now like I did when it was something I had occasionally. So it just feels greedy rather than a nice treat. That's what I don't like to see either for myself or for my partner. DH on occasion has sat down to a movie and eaten a whole tube of pringles and whole tub of Hagen daz and I did find it pretty revolting but understandable. The rare times he's done that, he was not really enjoying it but was under huge stress at work etc and I guess comfort eating. So I try not to let it gross me out but I definitely couldn't watch him do that night after night. It's horrible.

sparechange · 05/05/2017 10:53

Who doesn't love a greasy kebab with a shit ton of lettuce and onions with mayonnaise

Me...
Your tastebuds must be shot to bits if you think that is nice and anything else is 'tasteless'
A fondness for food like that is the result of eating shit for years on end until your brain can't cope unless it is bulked out with cheap cheap fats and loads of salt. It's a wake up call for most people, not something to be celebrated Confused

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/05/2017 10:53

Who doesn't love a greasy kebab with a shit ton of lettuce and onions with mayonnaise, think that's dinner tonight sorted!

I don't mind the odd kebab when utterly hammered but wow, how to make it sounds completely unappealing ^^ 🤢

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 05/05/2017 11:44

Me...
Your tastebuds must be shot to bits if you think that is nice and anything else is 'tasteless'

The poster didn't say everything else is tasteless

JaxingJump · 05/05/2017 12:24

I do agree though that eating crap makes it hard to taste and appreciate all the wonderful foods out there in their basic form with their subtle flavour.

I'm sitting here eating mcD's waiting for my car to be serviced...pot kettle etc.

TheViceOfReason · 05/05/2017 13:00

The comments on this thread are absolute comedy gold.

I hope all of the perfect people on this thread all maintain a constant and perfectly balanced diet, never taking in more calories than they need and going to the gym and exercising regularly. And of course don't have any vices themselves.

I am particularly amused to read that being fat is damaging the environment.

If the OP was a man, saying he was sick of his wife stuffing herself with chocolate he'd be lambasted and told it was no doubt because she was depressed having to live with him and it was none of his business what she ate, and that her size didn't change who she was as a person yadda yadda yadda.

And if a bloke came on here saying he was dumping his female partner as she'd realised her weight and diet was unhealthy and wanted him to teach her to cook healthy meals he'd again be ripped to shreds - and should be ashamed of himself for not supporting someone who he's supposed to love no matter what and who wants help to change.

OP - i think it's great you want to help support your partner with changing.

TinselTwins · 05/05/2017 13:05

Fuck that! nobody has to be "perfect" in order to be entitled to pick and chose who they want to fuck!

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 13:09

I hope all of the perfect people on this thread all maintain a constant and perfectly balanced diet, never taking in more calories than they need and going to the gym and exercising regularly. And of course don't have any vices themselves.

Do they all have to fuck overweight dudes if they aren't size 8 gym bunnies then?
Odd way to see the world, but whatever floats your boat. Crack on.

TinselTwins · 05/05/2017 13:29

TheViceOfReason your reversal doesn't work because I know exactly zero women who think that all men with a higher BMI or body fat % than them should feel obliged to fuck them

I wouldn't want a duty fuck from a man who thought "I don't really want to, but she does eat more vegitables than me so I suppose I shouldn't say no", would you?

Amaried · 05/05/2017 13:45

Nope I'd have a issue with it but think it would be the 5 stone over weight as opposed to the food choices that would be a turn off for me, I think I'd be sit there silently judging at every meal and that would be completely unfair on him,
Yes I know I am very shallow when it comes to weight,

Giddyaunt18 · 05/05/2017 14:19

No I couldn't, esp not at this early stage. If a partner became like that after being slimmer then that would be different but you shouldn't feel like that now, it should be full of fun and lust, for each other not food!

TheViceOfReason · 05/05/2017 14:39

Yes user1493022461, yes that's exactly what i said isn't it that if they aren't perfect they have to "fuck overweight dudes" Confused you do realise your post makes no sense when read in conjunction with mine don't you?

I was merely pointing out all of the disgusted and unpleasant posts ranting about vices must surely be made by people with none as they seem to have no compassion or understanding - crucially (or perhaps on purpose because, hey, lets all bully the fatty who isn't here to stick up for themselves), missing the point that the OPs partner has asked for help?

Tinseltwins - again, where have i said that "women who think that all men with a higher BMI or body fat % than them should feel obliged to fuck them"? If you are going to pick a specific post apart at least read it properly first BEFORE typing a response.

My point is (pretty obviously i would have thought) that the OP is being told not to bother supporting her partner with trying to resolve his eating issues - he's asked for help with learning to cook healthier meals and she's being told not to bother - whilst large numbers of posters come out with all kinds of nonsense (such as being fat being an environmental issue).

Nowhere have i stated that unless a woman is perfect she should have no choice in who she chooses to fuck. I'm just surprised that on a board of woman who are very quick to vilify men who dare to comment on their partners size, it's seen as perfectly acceptable to rip a man to shreds who is obese and has ASKED FOR HELP, and tell his partner to leave him.

Also not really sure why you've taken offence to my post - touched a nerve perhaps?

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/05/2017 14:49

I wouldn't have got with someone who was that much overweight in the first place. I just don't find it attractive.

MackerelOfFact · 05/05/2017 15:05

I couldn't, personally. Cooking, eating and out experimenting with food is a major hobby for me, and something that I spend a lot of my free time and money on. Someone like this just wouldn't be compatible.

Swipe left for the next trending thread