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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could be with someone who ate lots of crap

180 replies

user1490817986 · 02/05/2017 17:28

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, he's about 4-5 stone overweight. It wasn't an issue at first but the amount of shit he eats puts me off him. He's a lovely guy and we really like each other.

Just an example of what he eats day to day:

Full English breakfast, kebab and chips for tea
or panini for lunch and pie and chips from the chippy
or ham egg chips for lunch, pizza for tea. All washed down with loads of squash.

AIBU to be put off by this?

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 18:43

You can't tell someone what to eat if they're a grown adult.

You can stop dating them though. That IS most definitely okay.

roarityroar · 03/05/2017 18:44

God no. But I wouldn't date someone overweight and unhealthy. Gluttony is deeply unattractive to me.

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 18:44

Tinsel he's just at a higher risk. Everyone has vices, a fat person eating a lot is relatively mild. He's not doing cocaine off a male prostitutes backside, behave.

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 18:48

a fat person eating a lot is relatively mild

it's not a mild risk at all.

No not everyone has vices that they engage in to that extent all weekend every weekend. That's not normal. If it's normal to you then that is a worry.

I wouldn't date someone who spend all weekend every weekend gambling either. Or all weekend every weekend drinking.

It's not the same as an odd piece of cake or take away or an odd flutter on the gee gees or a few bevvies now and again. He's binging WEEKLY. That's destructive behaviour of a level that hurts not just the person but their loved ones too

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 18:53

Tinsel as far as vices go, food is mild. It doesn't impact others like smoking does.

Perhaps it's my age, most people I know drink excessively most weekends. A lot are smokers. It wouldn't even cross my mind to exclude a partner because they engage in something like that because I'm not pretentious and controlling.

You live once. Enjoy yourself however you so wish. Oh and thanks to this thread, it's triggered my issues around eating in public so thanks 👌🏻

GetInTheFuckingSea · 03/05/2017 18:53

Oh behave tinsel. The responses on this thread aren't really about health. If the OP had started a thread (which she wouldn't have done anyway) about whether or not she should stay with her boyfriend who six days out of seven eats foie gras and confit du canard in Michelin starred restaurants, do you think she'd have had three pages' worth of people telling her to ditch him because he'll die young?

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 18:54

GetInTheFuckingSea exactly.

user1493022461 · 03/05/2017 18:55

I think they're telling her that she can ditch him for whatever reason she likes.

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 18:56

Tinsel as far as vices go, food is mild.

Nope, you're just very wrong. As far as health risks go, over eating is one of the riskiest behaviours you can indulge in

And as far as destructive behaviours go, your loved ones don't need to be inhailing your smoke to be affected by watching someone slowly kill themselves.

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 18:59

Tinsel

I'm not wrong.

It's not illegal.
It's not immoral (although morality is relative).
It's not unkind.

Many vices, like a drug habit, support criminal behaviour by paying criminal gangs that engage in sex trafficking, or violence. A sex addiction may lead to infidelity if someone's that way inclined.

Everyone's slowly dying. That's life. Get over it.

phoenixtherabbit · 03/05/2017 19:02

You can stop dating them though. That IS most definitely okay

Yep, if it bothers you that much it's probably the best option.

GetInTheFuckingSea · 03/05/2017 19:03

Cheers kitten.

Agree with you also about food being a minor vice. Also, what is deemed bad is always changing. I remember my poor old dad being stopped from eating his morning egg (by my mum) back in the 80s when everyone thought that if you ate more than two eggs a week you'd die from bad cholesterol. Then he gave up butter and used fucking vitalite instead because he was told it was more healthy. He now enjoys both eggs and butter because they're fine now, apparently. Sure in twenty years' time it will all have changed again.

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 19:03

Cardiovascular disease kills someone in the one UK every 3 minutes.
Accounting for more than a quarter of all deaths in the UK. 1

Every 6 minutes, someone in the UK is struck by a heart attack.
1 in 3 people who have a heart attack die before reaching hospital 1

Stroke causes nearly 40,000 deaths in the UK each year.
And over 240,000 hospital episodes are attributed to stroke each year. 1

Heart disease also has an enormous financial cost.
The UK spends 3.2 billion each year on healthcare costs for heart disease

And then there's peripheral vascular disease, diabetes, limb loss,

You think none of that affects the loved ones of those inflicted?

And gluttony is immoral for lots of reasons

Things don't have to be illegal to hurt people

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 19:05

He now enjoys both eggs and butter because they're fine now, apparently. Sure in twenty years' time it will all have changed again.

What's in eggs has changed now that laying eggs aren't fed carcasses any more, that's why eggs don't contain as much bad cholesterol as they used to and are now healthy.

Zhan · 03/05/2017 19:07

I can't be doing with greedy fuckers. I have dumped someone before for living on huge portions of McDonald's and kebabs whilst moaning they were fat. I don't have the time or patience to spend on idiots.

GetInTheFuckingSea · 03/05/2017 19:09

Eggs have as much cholesterol as they ever did (ie relatively high per gram) and it's the same type of cholesterol as well. It's just that people judge it differently now.

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 19:14

Tinsel I'm not disputing people due from it. I'm saying most people have vices and as far as vices go this isn't too bad.

LOL fat people aren't immoral. Do you think if they ate less that food would get distributed to Ethiopia or something? Let's not be stupid.

If you're so afraid of early death that you only date perfectly healthy people, perhaps the issue is yours. But it's not about health is it?

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 19:20

Tinsel I'm not disputing people due from it.

I'm saying most people have vices and as far as vices go this isn't too bad. This man doesn't have an occasional vice, he has an addiction that he's indulging all weekend every weekend. That is no normal, most people do not spend all weekend every weekend on their "vices"

LOL fat people aren't immoral. Do you think if they ate less that food would get distributed to Ethiopia or something? Let's not be stupid.* I was actually thinking of the environmental impact actually

If you're so afraid of early death that you only date perfectly healthy people, perhaps the issue is yours. But it's not about health is it?
No it's not just about health, it's also about destructive addictive behaviour

TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 19:23

would you date someone who gambled several times a day at least 3 days a week? after all it's not illegal and you can't second hand inhail it!

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/05/2017 19:28

You're not being at all unreasonable to be put off by him, and his eating habits, OP.

Good luck in changing him.....

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 19:28

Tinsel providing its his money it wouldn't bother me.

Chathamhouserules · 03/05/2017 19:28

He would have to have some incredible redeeming features! I'd be really embarrassed to have a boyfriend who drank squash. Is he a child? I can't really explain why, it just seems so unsophisticated or something. Not that I'm really sophisticated but still. Big turn off.

Quickieat2 · 03/05/2017 19:43

I don't mind a bit of tubbiness if fit, active, exercising regularly, interested in food, flavour and cooking balanced meals. I wouldn't date an inactive skinny or overweight person or an extremely gluttonous person who ate lots of convenience foods or fast foods. Also couldn't date a picky eater long term.

Poisongirl81 · 03/05/2017 19:43

So if op was saying her fella was criticizing what she ate she would get told to get rid and he was controlling. He's probably clueless and will enjoy nice food just not been told

ProfessorBranestawm · 03/05/2017 19:45

Not RTFT. If it's a problem already I wouldn't take the relationship any further