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Original poster

If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

515 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 14:55

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like Hmm when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 04/05/2017 14:04

And as for arguments. She's 15 now & we rarely argue except when I find she's been rolling her skirt. Butcsround the age of 12/13 - wow she could be a Madam.

gillybeanz · 04/05/2017 14:06

Bertrand, yes we experience all these things too Confused

We have disagreements and have time to work through them.
We have regular chores, dd has them at home and school
Plenty of interaction with siblings as they take the time to spend time with her.
When she was at home she could go ages without seeing them.
It's only once a week now, but they are grown ups, so think this is an added bonus. She used to complain she felt like an only child.

She has a pet dog at school, it's the house dog and she takes it for walks and feeds it along with friends who also want to.

I can assure you her life is quite normal, with some abnormal thrown into the mix Grin

Roussette · 04/05/2017 14:08

myusernameisbob. You sound like you have a fantastic r/ship with your kids and I'm just confused as to why? Why board them? It's fun having teens around and I would just want more of it, not be limited in contact with my fab kids. What you say about them learning about personal space etc... isn't that better within a family environment as opposed to other pupils who they might or might not be friendly with. I am just curious.

And someone said their child is home every three weeks. That is totally and utterly alien to me. If I go on holiday for three weeks (and I have done this), I feel totally out of synch with 'home' for a few days. If they are only home every 3 weeks, they can never get back in the home routine before they're off again.

I don't mean to be critical, I just can't see the advantages as much as I try.

DorisMcSweeney · 04/05/2017 14:08

I haven't sent my kids to boarding school. However, now they are teenagers I am reconsidering. Preferably somewhere on the north coast of Scotland with no internet access and cold showers.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2017 14:13

We know another couple. The wife and i have in the past compared our partners "foibles" .

This dh also eats separately from the rest of the family, doesn't talk to anyone, cannot cope with arguments between the children, the secrecy over absolute none events, they both went to boarding school. They are like 2 peas in a pod

gillybeanz · 04/05/2017 14:40

Rousette

I can only speak from our experience.
My dd went from H.ed to boarding, we were worried sick how she would cope tbh. We had no experience of boarding and until I spoke to other families at the school had never met any boarders, completely alien to us. The fees are more than our annual income, but dd gained her "Golden ticket" as she calls it, and said if we stood in her way she'd never forgive us.
I cried every night from September until end of first term in December.
I let her go because everyone who knew her story told me I'd be selfish to not let her go.

I constantly evaluate her mental health and happiness and she'd be out of there the minute it wasn't right for her.
We haven't come close to this and she is thriving and so happy.
Although she comes home most weekends, there are times maybe 3/4 times a year when I don't see her for 3 weeks as they have things on.
Sometimes house will arrange a trip somewhere and of course she wants to go with friends.
The down side is that she doesn't really have friends round here, so she can get lonely in the holidays. I do arrange things for her friends that live in school area which would be about an hour away from us.
She can't just pop round to see friends iyswim.

I suppose the benefit for us is the education that is unique to the individual iyswim. They all follow individual programmes and get opportunities they wouldn't otherwise have.
They get good academic results too, the SENCO is excellent for her, and the most important thing is she reports that she doesn't feel like a freak anymore.

dnwig · 04/05/2017 14:46

No. We did discuss it with our children as we were living abroad and some of their friends went on to board in a different country.

Ours were adamant they didn't want to. If they'd been desperate to go we might have considered it.

Kokusai · 04/05/2017 14:48

So true Rosettes and who can even give them a cuddle if they've had a bad day (or just routinely)

Matron was very cuddly :-)

You aren't abandoned Lord of the flies style - ou have a massive support network of matron, house tutors and house parents to look out for you plus prefects in sixth form who do a lot to look out for younger girls.

Also your mum and dad are on the other end of a mobile phone, I generally called mum at least once a day for a quick chat.

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2017 14:49

Gilly- so when you said ""The time we spend with her is completely her time, no work, domestics etc." you didn't actually mean it.......

Kokusai · 04/05/2017 14:51

Honestly you couldn't have a cross word with someone, or look a tiny bit upset in a lesson, or do anything that might upset you withoit your house parent being told and then checking in on you.

Even stuff like getting dumped by a boyfriend and your house parent or matron would be checking in on you!

VinoTime · 04/05/2017 14:51

If we're talking secondary school age, OP, yes I would - if it was a very good school and I felt it would massively benefit my DD.

LaurieMarlow · 04/05/2017 14:56

Matron was very cuddly :-)

That's all well and good, but I want to be the person dispensing the cuddles rather than outsourcing to 'matron'.

myusernameisbob · 04/05/2017 15:00

Fair question Roussette! I do love having them around but I also see the enormous opportunities that they have at their schools and I enjoy seeing them getting so much out of those - my sporty DS has tennis courts, squash courts, astroturf to kick around on, right there on the doorstep of his boarding house and the time to mess about there with his friends every evening/ weekend (we live in London and have access of course to all of these things but not so readily; we also have a typically tiny London garden). He can pop over to the art school to work on his art projects whenever he's free. His school is co-ed and he has a ready made, ever-present social life (not always a benefit!). The facilities are fantastic - yes, rivalled by some London day schools but without a time-consuming tube journey at either end of the day which he would have hated. DD is less sporty but has benefitted from the quality and range of activities available at her school and most importantly, made some exceptionally strong friendships. It hasn't all been plain sailing (is secondary school ever?) and I can't deny that we've been lucky with both of their peer groups, houses and housemaster/mistress; these can all make or break a boarding experience.

gillybeanz · 04/05/2017 15:01

Bertrand

Yes, of course I meant it, but you still have to do things as you go along.
The tea still needs to be prepared and cooked, washing up, making bed, putting dirty clothes in basket, tidying as you go.
Dh might have a gig so still work.
What I mean is the usual stuff is taken care of.
Any uniform washed and ready, no washing to do. Everything is done that can be done, rather than leaving until the weekend.
Alot of parents who work with children in state schools do this too, it's nothing unique.

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2017 15:02

"Matron was very cuddly :-) "

Sad
GrimmDays · 04/05/2017 15:08

No. Not unless it was the absolute only option available.

tinypop4 · 04/05/2017 15:13

Not ever.

BasiliskStare · 04/05/2017 15:18

Is there an MN boarding school bingo card? Grin

Sorry, that was flippant. It's a subject raises strong feelings on either side ( quite naturally) but some posts on this thread are ill informed and some unkind. Very many others not so , i.e. opinion and/ or experience.

thehousewife · 04/05/2017 15:22

No, never.

gillybeanz · 04/05/2017 15:22

Basil

Not flippant at all and a good observation.
It seems to me like the sahm v wohm argument.

I suppose I love my dc too much is one of the same arguments.
One I used to be guilty of I'm afraid.
It wasn't a judgement on others though, but just how I felt. Other parents views hadn't entered my mind, just how I felt.

Now I realise that even though it wasn't my intention it was hurtful to others and rather tactless.

myusernameisbob · 04/05/2017 15:24

Isn't that why we all love MN? The laughs, the tears, the truly informative, the downright ridiculous! Grin Grin

gillybeanz · 04/05/2017 15:25

I wonder who does the cuddles in a day school where there isn't a matron.
Does that mean the child doesn't get a cuddle Sad

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2017 15:36

I as a mum gives the cuddles to my dc.
What a strange question.
Dd works with children and she isn't allowed to do cuddles. She might hold their hand whilst helping them down stairs if they need the toilet but even if they climb on her she has to carefully keep her arms out from them. It is deemed inappropriate for a staff member to put their arms round a child

AlexanderHamilton · 04/05/2017 15:56

That's very sad and Oliver's mummy. Ds is 13 & at a day school. He still gives his drama & home Ec teachers a hug.

BeALert · 04/05/2017 16:02

Is there an MN boarding school bingo card?

Quite.

Every time this comes up I know that I will be told...

I sent my child away
She didn't choose to go
If she did choose to go she is incapable of making that decision despite being 16
She is unhappy
I am paying other people to raise her
I must not really love her enough
She'd be much better off at a local school
They hated boarding school therefore my child is being massively damaged
She is unhappy but doesn't dare tell me so
She has no one to turn to when she is unhappy
She is going to be irreparably damaged.
It costs a fortune
Her school must be a private school if it is a boarding school
I don't see her for months on end
She doesn't get to live a normal family life
I'm forcing her to be independent before she's ready
All people who go to boarding school are damaged by it

None of which is true.

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