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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put Bonjela on my fanjo? *warning - bit sporny*

318 replies

Laiste · 02/05/2017 14:33

in order to numb this (small pea sized) lump enough to lance and squeeze the bugger!

Tried yesterday and it was so eye wateringly painful but i only got a bit of clear watery stuff out. There's obviously more to it.

I think it's a great idea! Bonjela's ok in the mouth so it'll be ok down there yes?

OP posts:
Belleende · 02/05/2017 17:24

Cant believe the cox inhibitor joke has gone unnoticed. Tee hee

Muskey · 02/05/2017 17:28

Omg writer was it intense

rainbowgiraffe · 02/05/2017 17:37

Holy moly. A needle near your foof?? Lancing spots, ohh I wish you wouldn't op!
I see you're a determined one though so I wish you luck.
Hope I'm not reading about you passing out and blood coming from down there later on.

Original poster
Laiste · 02/05/2017 18:06

Right. There's a slight delay while we apply for a mortgage.
Apologies.

DD4 is in bed now but DH wants to ring bank before i get in the bath. Bonjela and magnifying glass are in place by the bed.

OP posts:
WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 02/05/2017 18:09

And this is why I love MumsNet so much. First a hideous M&S dress thread, now fanjo sporn. Bloody marvelous Grin

NewZ · 02/05/2017 18:13

I have an anecdote I am keen to impart that involves using horse cooling lotion on a horse after a cross country event....then using portaloos that are bereft of toilet paper and fanjos....but am concerned that if I do so I will just sound rather ... weird.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 18:16

Omg writer was it intense

No, lol, the whole experience was very painful. After about 15 seconds the burning started and it was unbearable!! I had to run to the bathroom and I was desperately using the cold water out of the shower head to try and relieve the discomfort. It was excruciating!! When I told her she couldn't stop laughing and told me she couldn't believe that I'd tried it. She'd just been winding me up. Bitch Grin

PookieDo · 02/05/2017 18:23

I would leave it, it will go away on its own and if it doesn't you need to see a doctor! I've had 2 or 3 and they usually go away and I just have hot baths a lot

PookieDo · 02/05/2017 18:26

This is TMI.
My DP and I had a shower together not very long ago. Without thinking or mentioning it, he got a handful of that The Source Mint Shower gel and put his hand between my legs.

What was a nice sexy shower turned into me frantically yelling at him to get out of the shower while I tried to stop my fango bursting into flames

Muskey · 02/05/2017 18:27

My kind of friend writer Grin

Muskey · 02/05/2017 18:29

Really loving this thread

PookieDo · 02/05/2017 18:29

I really don't advocate MINTY anything of any kind down there. Isn't bongela minty flavoured?

Blossomdeary · 02/05/2017 18:30

Only use bonjela if you have teeth down there.

Blossomdeary · 02/05/2017 18:31

I once wiped by bum with Dettol surface wipes - I was at my DDs and there was no toilet paper and I grabbed them thinking they were baby wipes. Do not do this thing - it hurts!

KreamyKoala · 02/05/2017 18:34

Anyone else tried putting one of those Vic's stick inhaler things on their clit?

PopcornBits · 02/05/2017 18:36

GrinGrin fucking Vics? Omg! Mumsnet never ceases to amaze me.

glueandstick · 02/05/2017 18:38

Squeeze the spot and if it hurts leave it a day. If it makes you pass out or vomit with pain then it is good to go.

Fluffyears · 02/05/2017 18:40

Place marking to see if it works.

PurpleNurple69 · 02/05/2017 18:41

Holy shit! My legs have gone all fizzy in absolute fucking horror at all this fanny sporn!

Must. Stop. Reading.......

KreamyKoala · 02/05/2017 18:42

It's not Vic's vaporub I'm talking about, just one of those very mild stick things that you sniff if you have blocked tubes.

PopcornBits · 02/05/2017 18:43

I know what you're talking about!!! Why?! Hahaha

PookieDo · 02/05/2017 18:43

That is olbas oil and that's quite burny. No I would never do that

Ratbagcatbag · 02/05/2017 18:44

I once believed "more" magazine that if you insert an alkaseltzer into your fanjo just before intercourse, it will produce a slight pleasant fizzing experience!!

Does it fuck, it removes all moisture from your whole entire body in .2seconds rendering your fanjo dryer than the Sahara desert, complete with alkaseltzer grit resembling clumps of sand welded to your insides. The only way too move is to walk in a John Wayne style hobble across your boyfriends landing and down the stairs (whilst praying his parents/sister don't appear) all the time the sand grinding into your now barren fanjo. The only way to get relief was to take the shower head off the shower and shove the thing up there. For about twenty minutes.

It was sore for about three weeks.

Anyway, as you were. Grin

PovertyJetset · 02/05/2017 18:45

Oooooh awesome.

Come on come on come on!!

KreamyKoala · 02/05/2017 18:45

Because it feels, er, very pleasant.

Just to clarify, this isn't something I have done in a long time, I don't buy the local
Chemist out of Vic's and wait for my husband to go to work so I can have some 'alone time' with it or anything