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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be unaware I needed my husband's permission to travel with kids?

219 replies

SidekickSally · 01/05/2017 19:49

I've just come back from a weekend in Amsterdam with my 2 DDs, both under 16. We wanted to see some museums and my DH isn't keen so we went with my mum instead. At Amsterdam airport I was asked alot of questions by passport control and the guy said I needed written permission from DH to take my kids away without him. He was asking "how do I know your husband has given you permission to take the children without him". He accepted my return tickets as proof in the end but said next time get written proof.

I can see why he was asking and that this could be an issue but it never occured to me. What do lone parents do? What kind of permission is accepted? Surely a letter could be faked too. Seems a bit of over kill, or is it? Just be interested to hear from others about whether this is usual or unusual.

OP posts:
LinaBo · 01/05/2017 22:53

As a side note, we've just got DD her passport from her other nationality, you can add the permission to travel to the passport, you can allow them to travel with the other parent, unaccompanied and/or with another named adult, for a limited amount of time or for the validity of the passport. Saves the hassle!

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 01/05/2017 22:59

I carry a letter now. My children look very like me which helps.

I check the rules before I travel and carry the right things.

It takes five minutes to get it all together.

BrianCantsPants · 01/05/2017 23:13

My residence order says I can take my daughter out of the country for up to one month without needing her father's consent. Which is just as well as the miserable bastard would create merry hell just for the sake of it.

Pisses me off that he takes her abroad against my wishes and doesn't get questioned at all. I await the day... Grin

My other DC's father has disappeared with their passports, yet I am unable to get them cancelled and reissued unless I report them stolen and get a police incident number.

Still, since he's stopped paying any maintenance, the chances of us going anywhere needing passports is remote to non-existent.

TabascoToastie · 01/05/2017 23:15

Out of curiosity what's to stop someone from just lying and claiming the dad is dead or unknown or via sperm donation or something? I guess the second two wouldn't work if you're expected to show a birth certificate. What if the dad was abusive?

MrsSchadenfreude · 01/05/2017 23:26

DD1 (aged a couple of months short of 17 at the time) was refused entry to the UK last year, coming back from a walking holiday in Turkey with a friend and her family, because the IO said she "couldn't prove she hadn't been to Syria." He held DD1 up for a couple of hours (let friend and her family through!) and refused to call DH, who was waiting in the arrivals hall. I was absolutely fucking livid. The airline said they didn't need parental permission as she was over 16, and I couldn't find anything on gov.uk about minors travelling alone - someone from FCO kindly pointed it out for me (when I complained) - in the stuff all about divorced and separated parents and custody for the children.

In contrast, DD2 has been flying back and forth to the US since she was 12, to visit family friends and has never been questioned by immigration.

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 23:32

Out of curiosity what's to stop someone from just lying and claiming the dad is dead or unknown or via sperm donation or something?

Often they've background checked the questions they ask and are checking to see if you are lying (e.g. giving a fake number)

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/05/2017 00:15

What would I do then?

Stbxh has a restraining order against him so we have no contact. Court order currently in place says he is not allowed any contact with dc.

Dc are double barrelled.

Why the hell do i need permission?

Cocklodger · 02/05/2017 01:08

I've travelled to 6countries with DD
Africa, America, dubai, Australia, Portugal and Russia. I've never been asked and these were all in the last 7 months
I always have it though, STBXH and I are on very good terms

Natsku · 02/05/2017 06:17

So phone number and address, they could keep you there until they have managed to contact the other parent to confirm you have permission causing you to miss your flight. It's not worth it especially if travelling with a fairly young child, the stress that would cause!

The time my ex refused travel (he called up border control to put a ban on DD's passport) so even though I had a previously signed letter from him obvious the border guards asked me for his number so they could call and check. The twat didn't answer his phone until my flight had already gone so we missed our flight, but in the end the border guards told me it doesn't matter if he refuses permission as he didn't give a good reason to refuse it and got us on the next flight.

Willyoujustbequiet

I'd take a copy of your court order with you so you can prove that there's no contact so no ability for you to ask permission. I used to carry my previous court order that stated that either parent could take DD abroad on holiday though never had to show it (UK border guards would always ask for proof she's mine etc. but upon telling them I don't have a birth certificate for her they just say 'ok but next time you need one')

RedSandYellowSand · 02/05/2017 06:39

It's nothing to do with surname.
I have been questioned bringing the kids back into the UK, and leaving DHs homecity. We all have the same (none english) surname. Thankfully in the second case DH was just the other side, in the "local passport" queue, and once we'd waved to him through the glass barriers, I was let through (kids to young to reliably ask).

Lots of countries don't change their surname on marriage, so the name thing must mean lots of Brits get off lightly in questioning if it really is picked up on names?

socialanxietysrus · 02/05/2017 06:39

Majormummy- my parents took my 13 year old to Italy last year and had no problems at all. I'd given them a letter but they weren't asked for it. Maybe it helps that DS has my maiden name so they all had the same surname but he looks nothing like them as they're white and he's mixed race

Midnight0 · 02/05/2017 06:52

I have travelled with my dd, we have different surnames. I have never been asked for a permission letter, but passport control did ask for a full birth certificate.

RebelAllianceUK · 02/05/2017 08:07

In case anyone missed it....

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Decsbetterhalf · 02/05/2017 11:28

So you'd need to prove who has PR

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 02/05/2017 17:13

This has happened to me in Amsterdam. The only place it has ever happened when travelling alone with children.

If the reason they are doing this is to prevent child abduction then they are not doing a very good job of it. They asked for my husbands number, called him and he said he was aware I was travelling and then they let me through. The number could have been anyones. This could cause huge problems from someone who had a vicious ex who wanted to cause trouble for them.

Other countries have asked for the child's birth cert to show relationship but never any issued arising from "permission".

CardinalSin · 02/05/2017 17:16

As a PP said, I do wonder just why this information isn't on the passport! Just what the comes up when they scan it? If not something actually useful like that, then what's the Jeffing point?

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 18:14

As a PP said, I do wonder just why this information isn't on the passport! Just what the comes up when they scan it? If not something actually useful like that, then what's the Jeffing point?

When they scan you they often do have a lot of info, even before scanney passports and 9/11 they often did background checks on passenger lists.

Sometimes they're looking to see if you lie!

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 18:16

They asked for my husbands number, called him and he said he was aware I was travelling and then they let me through. The number could have been anyones.

If they've pulled you aside for this they can easily do a quick check to see if the mobile is registered to the name you gave

Bantanddec · 02/05/2017 18:27

This is a thing?? Shock

scaryteacher · 02/05/2017 20:31

Seems a bit daft doing it in Amsterdam when it is easy to drive to several other countries and take a flight/ferry from there, The NL are in Schengen after all....

sashh · 02/05/2017 20:50

This has happened to me in Amsterdam. The only place it has ever happened when travelling alone with children.

Amsterdam is a major hub so maybe they are keener because of that.

inkydinky · 02/05/2017 21:20

I've travelled to France and to Italy with my DC (different surname) since separating. Children were questioned on return to U.K both times and I presented birth certs. their dad wasn't questioned when he took them away so I assume that a different surname is certainly a flag. I'll be seeking permission to double barrel their names soon to minimise likelihood of this happening in future. He did write me a permission letter last time but since he got the "OW" to sign it (piss taking bastard) I binned it before travel! childish I know! I'll be more grown up this summer....

EtonMessi · 02/05/2017 22:01

Seems a bit daft doing it in Amsterdam when it is easy to drive to several other countries and take a flight/ferry from there, The NL are in Schengen after all....

Should they just not bother then? Confused

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/05/2017 22:13

The airline said they didn't need parental permission as she was over 16, and I couldn't find anything on gov.uk about minors travelling alone -

A 16 year old in Scotland does not parental consent to leave home or get married so can't see why they would need consent to travel.

howrudeforme · 02/05/2017 22:59

Ds has exdh surname which is foreign. Travelling as a family I was on numerous occasions advised to get dh permission and a birth certificate if I travelled alone with ds. Ds, of course, travelled with his dad many times with no issues.

Last year I took ds out of country armed with birth certificate and letter from ex. We were a mixed group of 4 people with different surnames and different ethnicities. This did not raise any flags. Only when we landed back in the uk were we stopped and questioned.

No wonder so many kids are spirited out of the uk, the border agency appears uninterested. I would have have been happier had I been questioned on the way out.